The Manual

What Women Want and How to Give It to Them

W. Anton

Copyright © W. Anton, 2010

All rights reserved.

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

www.W-Anton.com

No part of this book may be reproduced or transferred in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, digital, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the written permission of the author or publisher.

The author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused, or alleged to be caused, directly or indirectly by any information presented in this work.

Dedicated to all the beautiful women in the world,
especially those I have made love to.

PROLOGUE

My intention with this book is to turn your world upside down, to wake you up, and to open your eyes. After you’ve read it, I sincerely believe that nothing will seem the same to you. Most of what you now believe you know about women will change. Everything that previously made no sense will simply fall into place. You may very well see all your past experiences, your current situation, and everything that happens from this day forward in a completely new light. Issues that once concerned you and problems that still concern others will vanish.

The ideas that I will present have the potential to improve the quality of your life significantly, beyond your wildest expectations, if you allow them to. These ideas also run the risk of upsetting you, so consider yourself warned. The book has not been written to make you feel good, but to help you become better.

Seduction is one of the most fascinating and misunderstood topics in the world, so let me start by laying a solid foundation for understanding how things really are, because I doubt you already know. If we were on the same page and you knew what I know, it is unlikely that you would be reading this. You would have much better things to do. I sure do; otherwise, it would not have taken me years to complete this book.

INTRODUCTION

This book is written for a specific audience — namely, heterosexual males who are less romantically or sexually successful with women than they want to be. Males who want to know how to form more than just friendships with women. That is, almost all males. However, even though I believe anyone will find my ideas fresh and fascinating, regardless of sex or sexual orientation, I will still presume the reader to belong to the intended audience and that “he” understands the value and purpose of generalizations, without becoming obsessed with their obvious limitations and occasional exceptions.

I would ask you to bear with me and become familiar with my own definitions of the words men and males as well as women and females. The quickest way to describe their difference is that men and women refer to attractive males and females, but I will delve deeper into this idea in a later chapter.

All males want women. However, not all males will admit this, and very few actually act like it. Instead, most of them focus more on making money than on making love. They put more effort into getting a promotion than getting a girl. They spend more time with males than with females and more time talking about women than to women.

They do this because they believe they need to, not because they really want to, and they have either no idea or too many bad ideas about how to get girls because no one teaches them how to seduce women properly. Despite its significance in life and the universal expectation of the male to take the initiative, courtship is something males are left to discover and learn all by themselves, and most never do. Parents teach their sons all kinds of things, but they do not teach them how to find the woman of their dreams or what to do when they see her. Boys certainly do not learn about seduction in school either, despite spending more than a decade there preparing for supposed real life. All that males have are their friends, who are just as clueless as they are, and ideas from movies, stories, and ads — ideas that are conceived by similarly uneducated and inexperienced people and sometimes carried out with ulterior motives, such as selling a certain product.

Thus, most males never really learn how to get the girls they want and just come up with foolish ideas they try repeatedly until luck lands in their favor or a female finds them. This results in a hilarious mess to watch for those of us who know how it all really works, but the mess is not as entertaining if you’re in the middle of it.

Most males make excuses about why they avoid women altogether, or they approach women but always with an excuse. The specific methods and maneuvers can vary endlessly, but they all have two things in common: They are both indirect and ineffective, and they include pretending to bump into women, asking to light their cigarettes, joining dance classes, asking for directions, dressing outrageously to get attention, asking friends for introductions, forming strong friendships with women first, passing notes in class, offering to buy drinks, and buying a cute puppy hoping it will run up to a woman or draw her attention. It seems as if males will try anything other than walking up to women all by themselves and talking to them without hiding their intentions as if women were highly dangerous or uninterested in men.

To be indirect and to rely on contrived circumstances to meet women is the norm, so no one ever steps back and considers this process or its necessity, even though it is ineffective and odd. This pattern is overlooked because it is so prevalent, like trees in a forest.

However, this approach makes very little sense to me. Life is too short. I do not have time to talk to the attractive woman’s unattractive friends first or to learn how to dance salsa to meet more women. If I see a woman I find interesting, I walk straight up to her and tell her so, and women absolutely love it!

While few males believe they will live forever and would laugh away the accusation of holding such a belief as silly nonsense, most still act otherwise. With the decisions they make on a daily basis — and the way they reason in the heat of the moment and postpone things until tomorrow — weeks, months, years, and even decades can go by without much change in their situation with women. Slowly but surely they are wasting their lives away one day at a time. No male wants to do this, but most believe it is necessary and inevitable, and this belief governs their behavior.

The manner in which any male pursues women is based on his mindset, on all the beliefs he has garnered about what women want and how to best give it to them. While most males believe that women are attracted to things that are not natural to begin with, such as money, this is not the case. There is obviously a natural way to attract women that does not rely on anything external, certainly not on anything manmade like money. All males are actually born with these instincts but learn to repress them while also learning to believe that women want things they actually do not want, and that is what this book is all about.

To understand males’ general behavior, such as why they spend more time pursuing money than women, one has to examine their general beliefs. Our underlying beliefs determine our behavior. Our mindset controls our manners.

The trouble is that we are not always aware of our beliefs or where they come from, and if we have believed something for a very long time, we are not likely to challenge it. This is dangerous. Blind faith in any endeavor tends to make people waste their lives on things that are not necessary and to do all kinds of foolish things, and the endeavor to seduce is no exception. If you want to become better with women, your first priority should be to make sure you are heading off in the right direction instead of following the crowd, especially considering the fact that most males are not particularly successful with women. You have to understand what makes most males believe women are to be pursued indirectly and where these shared beliefs come from. It is surely not from experience, since even unsuccessful males seem to believe they know what women want.

A male who wants to get better at seduction must understand what women want, what they are naturally attracted to, and how that differs from what he has been raised to believe.

Part I

THE MINDSET

Nature and Nurture

Before we delve into the details of seduction, you need to adopt a new mindset — a new collection of beliefs about how the world works — that is both more accurate and more productive than the traditional one you and everyone else hold.

All of the beliefs you have about yourself, about women, and about how to best pursue them governs your behavior; thus, your number one priority should be to address this mental foundation. All your thoughts and actions will align in the right direction when your mindset is corrected. You will no longer feel the same need for detailed instructions, although Parts II, III, and IV will offer more and more specifics, but those details will not make much sense if you do not understand the basis of thought that is required.

Knowing how to think instead of just knowing what to do will also be immensely more useful in the real world with all the uncertainties and different scenarios you will face. Knowing how to think will allow you to be more flexible and to solve your own problems.

Chapter One

ATTRACTION

When we experience attraction to someone, our brain is letting us know that we have found a suitable sexual partner, someone who resembles all previous partners through the thousands of generations that came before us, an individual who is valuable for our genes, who has traits that will help us survive and reproduce more successfully than we could on our own.

Attraction is one of the primal emotions that have helped humanity survive and reproduce, and it is triggered in our bodies in much the same way as other primal emotions, such as hunger, fatigue, and fear. We feel each primal emotion in specific circumstances and we are powerless to convince ourselves not to feel the emotion. These emotions are instincts that have evolved in our species along with our brains over a long period of time (around two million years), growing stronger in every generation because those who felt them for the right reasons and responded to them were more likely to survive. Those who feared danger were obviously more likely to stay alive than those who did not, and those who were attracted to a person who could help them survive and reproduce were obviously more likely to pass on their genes.

Life has been much less forgiving for the vast majority of the time our species has been evolving than it is now, and in the distant past people simply died if they were unfit. Over time, no one other than those with all survival instincts passed their genes on.

However, during the last several thousand years, since the dawn of civilization, nature has ceased to eliminate the most unattractive males and females as our conditions have improved. Today, everyone survives no matter how unfit, and most people live long enough to reproduce through some means to pass their genes on — two things they would not have been able to do in the past in a more natural environment without social security and health care. This was the harsh reality for more than 99.99% of humanity’s time on this planet. Yet, the fact that life is more forgiving these days has no effect on our instincts, including attraction, because our bodies did not evolve in these modern conditions, and these conditions have only been around for a tiny minority of the time our species has existed. Evolution is a very slow process. Even thousands of years are nothing for a species that has been evolving for millions.

That attraction remains a basic instinct has two vital consequences. First, males and females have become attracted to different, complementary qualities in each other. What females find sexy in males differs from what males find sexy in females. Second, none of us consciously decides what traits attract us sexually or who we are attracted to. Attraction is an emotion, not a conscious decision. These two simple facts are fundamental in understanding seduction, but they still elude many people in this world, in particular the unattractive and unsuccessful males and females who form the majority of the population. They are the ones you hear accuse males of being shallow for caring about females’ external looks and the ones who claim that females are more sophisticated because they look for inner qualities in males. They make these statements as if males and females are the same and could become attracted to the same qualities if only we would decide to do so.

It is true that the sexes have a lot in common, with perhaps even more similarities than differences overall, but the similarities are neither interesting nor useful to consider when it comes to seduction. The differences, however, are crucial. Failure to understand the differences might cause you to treat women as men or to adopt feminine traits yourself, and that is a recipe for disaster. Hence, the differences must be clear to you. How exactly do males and females differ?

Biology

There are two major forces that shape males and females differently: nature and nurture. Nature is the obvious biological difference between the sexes, and nurture is the more elusive difference in socialization that starts to affect us from the moment we leave the womb.

The traits that attract us are part of our nature, and the nonconscious reasons we feel attraction are natural. They cannot be changed through socialization, although social forces can lead both males and females to believe and claim they want qualities in their partner that in fact do not turn them on. This is what is going on when you hear females claim to want “nice guys” but see them dating “bad boys,” and males denying attraction to teenage girls but enjoying pornography with them.

All the social differences are essential to understand, and seduction itself is a social activity, but you also have to understand the basics, and that is the biological differences between males and females. Later, you will learn that all social differences stem from these biological differences.

The most fundamental and indisputable biological difference is the fact that females can become pregnant and give birth to children during a lengthy and risky process, while males can impregnate females through insemination quite quickly and without much risk. The male and female physiques, our bodies, differ in this regard. Females have the body parts necessary to carry and feed children, while males have the body parts needed to impregnate females. Females maintain more body fat than males do, as it costs less but stores more energy than muscle mass does. This energy comes in handy when females need it to grow other human beings inside them and then feed those babies once they are born. As males are incapable of performing such feats, they maintain more muscle mass and grow a bit taller, thus making them physically stronger.

Beauty

As you know, males are attracted to beautiful females, but what you may not know is that what males call “beautiful” represents the physical traits that show suitability for motherhood. The females who have historically been the most suitable mothers were (1) healthy, (2) old enough to be sexually mature, (3) yet still young so they lived long enough to give birth and raise their offspring. This is why physical signs of health, sexual maturity, and youth are all parts of the concept of beauty, and all females who are beautiful possess those traits. Everything that is universally considered beautiful and most likely everything that turns you on are signs of these things, such as smooth skin, a symmetrical face, relatively big eyes, round perky breasts, lack of body hair below the head, a skinny frame with a narrow waist, or relatively wide hips if you wish, being both better for childbirth and a sign that a woman has not already been impregnated by another male.

As a result, the words beautiful and attractive can only be used as synonyms when discussing females. They are not universal synonyms, however, and cannot be accurately used interchangeably when discussing the attractiveness of males. Nevertheless, these words are often used as if they were the same when males talk about what females are attracted to because males tend to be unaware that females are different from themselves, or they know they are different but are not sure how.

Since beauty is the most important factor for males when they automatically determine how attractive a female is to them, most males hold the false belief that females also regard looks as equally significant when they automatically determine if a male is attractive. This is simply not the case, and that is why some of the most beautiful females in the world, such as famous models and actresses, are with males who are far from beautiful. Males can be beautiful without being attractive to females, and they can be attractive without being beautiful. This does not mean that females do not enjoy looking at beautiful males; they do, but as far as dating goes, looks can only get a male so far, while looks can get a female all the way.

For males, being beautiful is of little importance because babies do not grow inside their bodies. They cannot give birth or produce the milk that infants need; only females can. Thus, the state of females’ bodies is vital and of great interest to all males, much more so than females’ personal and intellectual abilities and capabilities. Males who did not care about finding females with bodies suitable for bearing and feeding children would not have produced offspring who survived, so their genes disappeared from the gene pool.

A female, on the other hand, no longer needs a male’s body once she is inseminated by his seed. Females do, however, benefit from the male’s behavior when they are pregnant, from the male’s support and protection, including his devotion to stay by her side during the pregnancy, the labor, and, ideally, until the child is old enough to take care of itself. Since childbirth could potentially kill a female and raising young children in the wild is a full-time job, her offspring would have great difficulty surviving without additional support. The females who did not care about finding males who could and would protect and support them would not have given birth to children who survived, so their genes would also have disappeared from the gene pool.

Reality

These different realities for the sexes have caused males to be attracted to traits in females that females do not care about in males and, conversely, females to be attracted to traits in males that males care little about in females. To regard females as “sex objects” is both natural and desirable for males, if the term simply refers to disregarding the personal and intellectual abilities and capabilities of females while placing emphasis on their looks. Females are not more sophisticated and respectable for disregarding males’ bodies and instead placing emphasis on their personality and behavior; they are simply hardwired to do so as it serves their sex better. But if males did, it would have led to mankind’s demise long ago.

However, to stand up and defend this statement is not politically correct these days. The way attraction works as well as the way in which it differs between males and females is far from public awareness, and the majority of the public consists of unattractive people who would rather not hear that they are unfit for survival or at the mercy of genes. Some countries have even started “campaigns for inner beauty” to heighten awareness that looks are not everything. These campaigns were intended to “help” females become less interested in their own bodies and to convince males to focus on qualities other than physical appearance, but these campaigns were never led by attractive females or by males who are successful with women. Such campaigns are the result of ignorance, jealousy, and politics and are detached from reality. They represent one form of social conditioning that reduces males’ chances of getting gorgeous girls if they are foolish enough to be affected by it, just as it reduces females’ chances of attracting men if they start to neglect their appearance. More on that later.

It makes no difference that some of us, a lucky handful of the world’s enormous population, now live in a modern high-tech world and that there are better and more scientific ways to see if a female would be a good mother than just checking out her tits and ass. Our brains have evolved during millions of years without such technology. These are instincts deep within us. Males instantly feel attraction and think, “she looks good,” even if they are not consciously aware that they mean “good” as in “good to have babies with.” That is why a physically unattractive female will not become sexy all of a sudden if she shows you a perfect health report from her doctor stating that she actually would be a suitable mother for your children, and this is why males of all ages remain attracted to sexually mature teenage girls, regardless of the age of sexual consent in their region.

Older males may try to convince themselves and others through logic that they are not attracted to teenage girls, but conscious reasoning is not involved in the attraction process. Any male who says something to this effect is only trying to be politically correct or to save face because he is embarrassed by his natural desires.

Vulnerability

The physical traits that males care greatly about in females have never been, and never will be, significant for females to find among males, because babies do not grow inside males’ bodies for nine months and their bodies are unable to produce the milk that is vital for infants’ survival. Hence, beauty, including the beauty of youth, is of no significance, which is why females often say they want older men and why the female is a few years younger than the male in the average couple. While males become attracted to young women as soon as their bodies are sexually mature and it is clear that they are fertile, females are not very interested in teenage boys until they start showing signs of maturity in their personality and behavior. However, a young male can seduce women who are older than he is as long as he ceases the immature and unattractive behavior that males tend to maintain much longer than they should, because females are far more interested in a male’s behavior than in his body.

Females are attracted to qualities that complement theirs, as their sex’s advantage comes at a cost. Their innate ability to bear and feed children makes them physically more vulnerable than males, as their bodies are smaller and weaker. This puts females at a physical disadvantage compared to males regarding tasks that require strength, like physical labor and combat. However, the ability to bear children also puts them at physical risk during both pregnancy and childbirth. As long as humankind has existed on this planet, becoming pregnant has been extremely dangerous, one of the most dangerous situations in which a female could find herself. Pregnancy means several months of heightened cautiousness for the sake of the baby’s health. Engaging in a physical fight during that time or having to flee from a wild animal, even just once, could be devastating both to her and to her offspring, and thus protection is the number-one priority during pregnancy from an evolutionary perspective. Therefore, females have become attracted to males who appear less vulnerable than they are, males who seem able to protect and support them better than females could on their own — males who are masculine.

Semantically

Most people seem to believe that what constitutes feminine and masculine behavior is dynamic and may change over time as the behavior of the majority of a sex changes. Some scholars even list examples from history of such changes, but they mistake expressions of femininity for femininity itself and expressions of masculinity for masculinity itself. The majority of males do not have to adopt a trait for it to become a masculine trait. In fact, many males, perhaps even the majority these days, are more timid than brave, but being timid will never be considered masculine because the majority does not set the standards. Biology does, and to be timid is more a sign of vulnerability than bravery; hence, it is more suitable for females, at least in our natural environment where they were more likely to survive and reproduce if they avoided risks.

All the qualities that males are attracted to in females are what we call feminine and all the qualities that females are attracted to in males are what we call masculine. Thus, both femininity and masculinity refer to the appearance of the biological differences that exist between our two sexes; females can bear and feed children but at the cost of being physically more vulnerable. The terms refer to the biological characteristic of a male and a female and not just traits that have traditionally been seen as appropriate for males and females for random reasons.

This is how I define these words, and just as you have to understand what I mean when I mention femininity and masculinity, you have to understand what I mean when I talk about females, males, women, and men.

Males are attracted to feminine females. The more feminine a female is, the more of a woman she is and the more attractive she will be to males. Similarly, females are attracted to masculine males, and the more masculine a male is, the more of a man he is and the more attractive he will be to females. Therefore, I use the term women to mean “feminine females” and the term men to mean “masculine males.”

Please note that this semantic differentiation between “females” and “women” means that, whenever I refer to women, I am talking about females who are attractive to most males, the top 10% or so of females that males are really interested in. Thus, a statement such as “the majority of women want” is very different from a statement such as “the majority of females want.” I do not care about what the majority of females want, and neither should you as the majority of females are unattractive. On the other hand, all women are attractive by this definition, and this book is about “what women want.”

Visibility

Femininity is about being a sexually suitable female. Such an individual is two things: (1) she is born female and (2) she has a beautiful body. Both qualities are easily captured in a photo. Meanwhile, masculinity is about being a sexually suitable male. Such an individual is two things: (1) he is born male and (2) he is less vulnerable than females. But only one of those qualities is easily captured in a photo. Considering that a picture is worth a thousand words, this suggests that masculinity is much harder to describe and demonstrate than femininity is — which has ultimately led to great confusion.

What a female wants in a male has little to do with his body and more to do with his behavior. Although all behavior manifests itself in appearance, the qualities females seek in males are much harder to capture with a photographic lens than the traits that males seek in females. A photo can easily show whether a person is male or female, and this manmade technology is very good at capturing femininity, or showing how much of a woman a female is. An observer can easily tell that a female is more feminine than another by comparing the curves of her body, for instance, but one cannot as easily determine if a male is more masculine.

Many males know the visual traits they want in a female pretty well, like highly tangible and obvious physical features such as round boobs, a certain waist-to-hip ratio, and a youthful looking face. They are even used to judging a female from afar and then checking her physical qualities against their mental list to see how good of a match she is, sometimes even rating her on a scale from zero to ten.

However, females cannot do the same as easily when they see males. Most males erroneously assume that females have the same list of visual qualities they do, despite seeing many couples that contradict it, including obviously ugly or fat males with gorgeous and fit females. Take the cover of male’s and female’s magazines. On the cover of your typical “men’s” magazine is usually a beautiful female, and on the cover of your typical “woman’s” magazine is a beautiful female as well, not a beautiful male, not any kind of male.

The evidence is right there if you only look for it, but as most males are unaware that females are attracted to other qualities, and since people tend to see what they want to see, their approach causes them to overlook reality.

Most of the traits that females are in fact attracted to exist more internally than externally, and they are arcane and hard to explain, such as attitude, behavior, and how comfortable a male can make a female feel, in contrast to body proportions, height, and penis size (to name only a few things that males are always worried about and that researchers in this field tend to focus on as well).

That females are not primarily attracted to physical qualities in males also means they cannot assign males to the same kinds of categories that males assign to females (e.g., height) and then draw any useful conclusions from the category. Yet, many females still insist on doing this, at least when males ask them to, and that is why they sometimes end up surprised, confused, and intrigued when they are drawn to a man who does not fit their predetermined visual category.

Intentionally

While many females are not particularly feminine, and many males are not particularly masculine, those that lack femininity or masculinity are not neutral. They are simply at the opposite side of the spectrum. This means that the least feminine females are actually masculine, and the least masculine males are actually feminine. They are the least attractive individuals to the opposite sex. While we cannot control our sex (we are born either male or female), we can control how masculine and how feminine we appear, and if we want to be successful with the opposite sex, we definitely should maximize our attractiveness by controlling our appearance, as we are always somewhere on the spectrum.

How masculine you appear and thus how attractive females think you are depends on how you present yourself, whether you diminish or exaggerate the fact that you were born as a male with everything that entails.

To “be” a man includes the need to avoid acting like women in general. Thus, a good start in understanding how to be masculine is learning and becoming aware of how women behave, what typical feminine behavior is, and how to avoid it or even to do the complete opposite. To be a man is often more about avoiding how women walk and talk rather than actually doing traditionally manly things. You do not need to binge on beer, hunt animals, or watch sports to act like a man. I personally do not care for any of those things, as I would much rather spend my time drinking with, chasing after, and looking at women.

However, to successfully avoid typical feminine behavior, you have to understand what that is; the underlying basis of femininity is the biological difference we have already discussed. As females are physically more vulnerable than males, typical feminine behavior includes expressions of this vulnerability, primarily to be emotional — to show emotions of weakness or to allow yourself to be led by such emotions.

Women express their greater vulnerability in a multitude of ways. They weep more easily, scream when surprised, avoid all kinds of risks, exaggerate every hint of pain, make more noise when making an effort, avoid physical labor altogether, depend more on others to help and support them, try to avoid conflicts, build more consensus in social settings by talking more without voicing disagreements, are more interested in collaboration than competition, attack their enemies behind their backs in more psychological than physical ways, prefer more comfortable indoor jobs than hazardous outdoor occupations, keep their knees and elbows closer to their bodies as to cover themselves more, etc.

You have probably noticed manifestations of all this behavior in women already, but maybe failed to realize that they are all actually expressions of vulnerability, and when seen in that light, that type of behavior usually makes a lot more sense. Many males have noticed that women are emotional, but have drawn the erroneous conclusion that they are irrational too, which is untrue. Women are not men, so it would not be rational for them to act like men, and since females are more vulnerable than males, it makes sense for them to be raised differently, too. That is why females’ socialization teaches them how to exaggerate their biological difference from males and to express it freely, although both the teaching and the expressing are mostly done nonconsciously (without awareness).

Acceptability

Men learn early on to deal with or ignore emotions that are considered vulnerable and weak, rather than expressing and airing them the way females are allowed to do. Boys are taught to appear stronger and to “act like a man,” while girls are allowed to express emotions of weakness such as fear and insecurity. All men feel these emotions as well, to the same extent as women, but they repress or ignore them.

For example, by being told “boys don’t cry” and “crying like a girl” while growing up, men learn what is considered appropriate behavior for men and for women, and those things that are okay for women are almost always considered unacceptable for men. That is why boys are told that they are crying “like a girl,” with the implication that crying is not suitable for a boy, instead of being told directly to stop crying. Through similar differences in treatment, women are taught that it is okay to listen to their vulnerable feelings and that it is okay to avoid doing something if they do not feel like it. Boys who fall off their bikes when they are young are told to get right back up instead of crying, while girls are excused, pampered, and allowed to take a break for the day until they feel like trying again.

Although many of the expressions of masculinity and femininity are the result of social constructs, as boys and girls are traditionally raised differently with different behaviors encouraged and expected of each, this has no effect on what masculinity or femininity really is. The idea that females are more vulnerable than males is not a social construct but a biological fact.

As a result of this, any male who appears vulnerable will thus be unattractive to females — as he will be feminine. Hence, men are not emotional, and women are not attracted to males who either show weak emotion or allow themselves to be led by such emotions. If a male’s behavior is too feminine too often, women will feel repulsed no matter how much they believe they want a male to be “in touch with his feminine side,” a trait they sometimes claim to want, but actually do not.

When women state that they want a male who is unafraid to let his emotions out, they mean that they want to hear how a male really feels about them, how much he cares about them, how good they make him feel, how much he really loves them, and so on, because he has done a poor job of expressing this lately or ever. The women want him to be more charming, not more feminine.

It is perfectly alright and even desirable for a male to show his emotions — to be expressive and passionate instead of being expressionless and cold, as long as he is not showing weak emotions or allowing himself to be led by them.

The males who are most unattractive to females are already too feminine. They act or talk too much like women, and they usually do this because they are thinking the same way women are. They have no confidence in taking the risks that are necessary both to be masculine and to seduce women. While being emotional and indirect are expressions of femininity, being confident and direct are expressions of masculinity. Just as you cannot be both direct and indirect at the same time, you cannot be confident and emotional at the same time. These two behaviors also occupy opposite ends of the same spectrum: You will not appear very sure of yourself, which “being confident” means, if you make a decision only to change your mind because you do not feel like it anymore or if you have to take initiatives but cannot because you feel afraid.

Ideally, this chapter would have ended here and we could continue to discuss confidence right away, but unfortunately, ideas start to get complicated at this stage. From a society’s point of view, it is not desirable to keep sex simple, to raise males to be confident with women for no reason or to raise females to carelessly have sex with all males they want, because the success of society requires not only individuals to have sex and bear children, but also to ensure that their offspring are cared for until they can reproduce on their own.

While becoming pregnant for a female has been and still is one of the most dangerous situations she could both voluntary and involuntary get herself into, the most successful societies throughout time have required as many females as possible to be as sexually cautious as possible.

For this reason we have the unnatural tradition of marriage that is found in all cultures today, as well as the implementation of alimony in the form of financial support for females after divorce was made legal and marriage no longer protected them. All societies that have survived had social structures that reinforced and exaggerated the biological differences between males and females and treated females as more vulnerable, but also as more valuable, than males — even to the extent of protecting females’ lives with the sacrifice of males’ lives.

Inequality

Feminists call these societies patriarchies and believe that males and females are treated and valued unequally under such systems, which is correct. However, they believe that females are being oppressed and valued less in these societies, while the opposite is actually true. Females are not oppressed by males in patriarchal societies; they are being protected by them, and they are not valued less than males, they are valued more. If not, it would not make any sense to protect them. If males were seen as more important than females, females would sacrifice themselves for males, not the other way around.

From nature’s perspective, males and females are equals. But from society’s perspective, females are more valuable than males, and the majority of males have always been of less worth in successful societies, sometimes even completely disposable. This does not necessarily mean that females have been treated better, however, and it does not mean that the tiny minority at the top of the social pyramid have been females, or that the few male leaders at the top also were disposable. But at the end of the day, when human survival was at stake, females have been rescued first from sinking ships, while males were expected to accept sure death; females never had the obligation of going to war to defend their societies, while males always have; and neither is a female expected to rescue a male in distress, while a male is always expected to risk his life to protect a female. This is why both nations and boats are referred to as females by the way, as males have always felt more at ease with the thought of dying for a female rather than an abstract idea, like a nation, or for a replaceable object, like a boat.

The societies that have prospered until today were inevitably the ones that aligned their social structures with this unequal valuation of males and females, because it is more important that females survive than males do for the sake of a society that wants to survive and expand. One male and a hundred females can in theory re-populate a region a hundred times as fast as a hundred males and one female ever could, and in practice much faster than that since one female cannot bear a hundred children in her lifetime. As far as society is concerned, males are the disposable sex, almost worthless, while females are far more valuable. This is the basis for every social difference between males and females you can think of, not only for high-level formalities like females not being obligated to defend their nation in wartime, but including low-level informalities like boys being expected to pay for a girl’s ice cream on their date. These differences only make sense if females are to be treated as more vulnerable but also as more valuable than males.

However, it is not necessary to be explicitly told this; simply being born into a society where these formal and informal structures are already in place is enough for us to learn it, consciously or not. The process by which a society teaches its citizens these beliefs is called social conditioning, or socialization, and I will reference its influence on almost every single page because it has more influence over our behavior than you can imagine and it greatly interferes with the natural seduction process.

Chapter Two

SOCIALIZATION

Social conditioning is the process through which individuals inherit the grand beliefs and behavior of their society; in other words, it is the way they learn to believe what everyone else around them believes and to act accordingly. It is about the influence that causes people to nonconsciously conform to the prevailing attitudes, standards, and practices of society.

Most of us are aware that we are influenced by people such as our parents during our formative years and even that we are influenced by our peers throughout our lives, but few are aware of the extent of this influence, what it actually is that we are led to believe without question, or how great the implications can be of some of the behavior we adopt. Plus, we rarely realize that there might be other ways to look at things when ideas are instilled in us from a very early age. Not many question these ideas because it is not obvious that there is anything to question in the first place.

One cannot escape social conditioning, because it is an inevitable process and phenomenon that will always exist; it is impossible and even detrimental to avoid. In general, socialization is a good thing, but chances are that it is severely hindering a male’s progress when it comes to getting the girls he wants. Being aware of these nonconscious beliefs and how they affect your behavior is vital because, without awareness, you will not understand why you think or act as you do.

It is because of socialization that people make sure they look carefully before crossing a street and they face a certain direction in an elevator. We are all raised to follow certain procedures, most of which are helpful. But socialization also causes people to adopt behavior that interferes with the natural seduction process, such as to feel embarrassed over their sexual desires and to avoid being selfish. In these cases, our conditioning gets in the way of getting girls, because you have to both reveal your sexual interest and go for what you want to seduce women.

Social conditioning is the source of several beliefs that keep you in line with everyone else, so although you may have all the freedom and free will in the world, you will still not stray too far from the pack. Beliefs deep inside us are the source of much of our behavior. Everything that we do is constantly subjected to our beliefs, including what we believe we are capable of, how we believe something should be done, and how we think others will react as a consequence of our actions.

Changing your mindset by adopting new beliefs can thus have a dramatic effect on your behavior and therefore the quality of your life. For example, if an overweight person stops looking at food as a source of pleasure and entertainment and instead sees it only as a source of nutrition, energy, and building blocks for the body, he or she can easily return to a normal weight over time, as such beliefs would alter his or her behavior. That way of thinking is often the only difference between overweight people and those who have always been slim, and similar difference of beliefs is the only difference between many males who are successful with women and those who are not.

Changing one’s mindset is also a much more effective approach than only trying to adopt specific techniques such as diets or tricks. And just like being overweight, if you are not having the success you want with women, it is your own fault. This is good news, as this means you can do something about it. If someone else were to blame, it would be near impossible to do much about it.

Accepted

We learn which behaviors are acceptable in our culture today through social conditioning. As an adult, you automatically know what is okay and what is not, but you probably do not remember how you learned it as a child. If someone were to ask you to take off your pants in public just to make a point, you would simply refuse because you know that it is unacceptable to do so even though there is no law against it. If someone unexpectedly pulled your pants down you would most likely feel embarrassed without being able to explain where those feelings all of a sudden came from. Yet, in some parts of the world, tribes are still walking around naked, and that is still how we all come into the world when we are born. This proves that even some of our personal feelings, such as shame, are actually learned responses; they are not natural. But if you learned it a very long time ago, you will have a hard time telling the difference.

Most of our socialization is good and helps speed up our learning process of how the world works. Since humans are social creatures, we have the ability to learn from others, which saves us a lot of time and trouble as opposed to relying on trial and error and firsthand experience. However, there is a flip side of the coin; not everything we learn through socialization is accurate or helpful. Some of the beliefs and behavior we inherit are actually bad, and when it comes to dating, most beliefs are actually inaccurate and most behaviors are actually counterproductive.

The interesting thing then is how social conditioning applies to all aspects of dating. What are the grand beliefs that we inherit regarding women and how to attract them? By studying our language, the words and phrases that we use, our stories, how movies are structured, how products are marketed, people’s attitudes, and the way in which everyday discussions go, it becomes obvious how males are supposed to get girls: Females must be earned.

Earned

A common plot in stories told through literature and film is a situation involving a damsel in distress. While this scene may no longer be as obvious as it once was, with an utterly helpless princess trapped in an ivory tower waiting for a hero to come and rescue her, the same formula lives on today. The modern hero might no longer be a knight in shining armor or a prince, but instead an average male with extraordinary abilities or a superhero with superpowers who lives through an ordeal and gets the sexy girl in the end.

Think about what happened to the main male character in the last few movies you have seen. What did he get in the end after saving the entire world from evil aliens, monkeys, asteroids, zombies, pirates, clones, orchs, robots, monsters, terrorists, or Nazis? What did he get after winning the race, tournament, league, war, or fight against all odds?

He got the beautiful girl, the one he met at the beginning of the movie who was not particularly interested in him. In the end, he got her as though she were some sort of reward for his extraordinary achievement, once he proved that he deserved her.

Everywhere you look, male’s achievements are being associated with getting girls, an idea males learn in much the same way Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned to link the sound of a bell to the serving of food. That is the environment most of us have grown up in: an environment filled with the message that a male is not good enough for a female until he has proved his worth. Achieve something great, and then you can have the woman you want. To succeed is to become sexy and good enough for a woman. Success equals sex.

Simply growing up immersed in an environment that is based on this idea — reading books, listening to stories, watching movies, seeing ads, and overhearing conversations based on it — is more than enough to communicate the idea and instill in you the very same belief, that without doing something incredible, you do not deserve women and that you do have to deserve them.

All of us are very receptive to adopting beliefs when we are young, but the idea that success leads to sex is not something that is only hammered into kids as they grow up; this is an ongoing process, and most are unaware of it. Our culture is full of expressions that are based on these beliefs and used without any thought of their implications, such as, “getting lucky,” “that girl is out of your league,” “you do not deserve her,” “win her heart,” and “losers do not get laid.”

If you think about the phrase “getting lucky,” referring to when a male gets a female into bed, you can see that the phrase carries several embedded messages: The male should feel lucky (1) as if the female did him a favor by giving him the sex that only he wants, but she did not enjoy as much, (2) as if he really was unworthy of her, and (3) that his own actions had nothing to do with getting laid. It was just luck! That is a lot of meaning embedded into two words.

Other expressions are also heavy with the same meaning. To refer to a woman as being “out of your league” implies that she is unreachable and not even worth pursuing because she is too good for you. In line with this theme of competition comes the expression, “losers do not get laid.” This implies that winners do get laid and that it is impossible to get girls if you fail in sports, school, or your career. To “win her heart” also implies that a male must compete for females in some way, and an expression such as “you do not deserve her” leaves no question as to its meaning.

Every time these expressions are used, social conditioning is being passed on and reinforced, usually without any thought or awareness. Through this process, males learn not only to pursue females like trophies, but also that they are less valuable than women since they have to work to pursue women and prove themselves to them. Even if they do not believe it, they will still act like it if they adopt such behavior.

Controlled

However, if males are led to believe that they must earn females, then females cannot simply spread their legs for every male that comes along and shows interest in them. Females have to play their part as well. They must not be promiscuous to be something to be earned, and this is why females’ sexuality has been controlled throughout history and why it still is — in all cultures.

This should come as no surprise, but a quick look at how females have been treated throughout history, how they are treated today, how they are spoken to, what labels they get, how laws affect them, and how modern discussions go makes this very apparent.

For instance, sexual promiscuity in females has always been considered a sin, and most religions preach stories about “virtuous” females who are all virgins to emphasize the importance of avoiding sex. However, such ideas still live on even outside religion, and today we have plenty of everyday expressions that are based on these ideas. It is common to refer to a female who has not yet had sex as a “good girl” or “innocent.” Otherwise she is “bad” or “naughty,” implying that she has done something wrong and is guilty of something, even if she has not committed any crime. Even today, females are typically raised to be “good girls,” which pretty much means that they stay at home instead of going out late at night and avoid getting pregnant before marriage. But the institution of marriage was invented long ago as yet another way to control females’ sexuality, and it is even called wedlock to keep females from being “loose.”

In addition, females are not allowed, either formally or informally, to show as much skin as males are. This is obvious in the Muslim world. Muslim females cover their bodies, sometimes entirely, and similar attempts to control females’ sexuality persist in the modern civilizations of the Western world too; it is just not as obvious. The same people who think that the way Muslim females cover their bodies is both outrageous and unacceptable usually get upset when their own teenage daughters want to leave the house in a tiny skirt. These people also often live in countries that have made it illegal for females to expose their naked chest in public. There are no such laws for males, and the movies that contain topless females are rated with stricter age restrictions than those that display shirtless males.

Another modern example of this idea is the sentiment that all forms of pornography (made for males) are degrading to females and that women in porn only do it for the money, a view shared by most feminists. The fact that half the actors in your average porno production are males and that they too are paid to be there goes unmentioned. This does not need to be mentioned, because everyone knows that males enjoy sex. Those guys therefore have the best jobs in the world, unlike the females, who are only doing it for the money, right?

No. In reality, females in the adult entertainment industry make several times more money than their male colleagues, not because they do not enjoy sex or they really feel degraded on film, but because they need to be compensated for all that they have to put up with when they are not naked in front of the camera, that is, the social pressure from the rest of society, particularly from feminists, that comes as a result of their defying their socialization. Only females receive this kind of opposition when they refuse to conform to rules concerning their sexuality that are unwritten but are supposed to be followed. This is something that their male colleagues do not have to deal with, since males’ sexuality does not need to be controlled to the same extent.

The truth is that pornography is only degrading to females if one believes they are not supposed to enjoy sex as much as males do or that the value of females lies in their sexual exclusivity, as we are traditionally led to believe. Hence, a female who does not conform deserves less respect, and if you disagree with the notion that a female’s value lies in her sexual exclusivity, then you are disrespecting her if you treat her otherwise. This is nonsense. At the end of the day, pornography is rarely degrading to females but denying their sexuality always is, and denying their sexuality has done more harm to womankind than pornography ever will. Therefore, one might think that today’s feminists, who are supposed to fight for “women’s” rightful treatment, would actually celebrate those who defy the socialization that attempts to condemn their sexuality, particularly in the only industry in the world where females earn a lot more money than males do for performing the same job. Instead, no other group on earth is as anti-porn as feminists.

By the way, it is interesting to note that what we call pornography in everyday speech is material that excites males primarily. “Pornography” is mainly visual depictions or suggestions of sexually attractive females, such as photographs of young, naked girls. The equivalent material for females is not the simple opposite. Females are less visually stimulated, hence the material that excites them comes closer to spoken or written descriptions of confident and charming grown males, which is why romance novels for females are full of detailed descriptions of such men. These romance novels make multibillion-dollar revenues each year but are not considered to be part of the adult entertainment industry. Most males do not realize that these novels are pornography too, as they are clueless to what attracts females and these novels do not bother the general public as much, since text does not ruin the politically correct idea of females as much as images do.

There are numerous more examples of the way socialization has instilled in us false beliefs, but the short of my point is that these two grand beliefs, that males have to earn females and that females’ sexuality must be controlled, alter the general behavior of both males and females on a very large scale. It literally makes the world go round.

Work Hard

While all heterosexual males desire nothing higher than women as long as their basic needs are met, the way they are led to believe they are of less worth than females and that they have to earn them causes them to shift their natural priorities. Success, achievements, and money come first, while enjoying women ends up further down the list. And it stays there until many males have wasted their youth and stamina, or even died, long before making it a high priority. It becomes normal for males to spend years in school and at work chasing a long-term goal without ever saying a sensible word to an attractive female.

It is ridiculous how motivated most males can be, following the belief that women will like them in the end. The guys in the gym talk about all the women they are going to go after once they have molded their biceps and lost that gut. After graduating high school, they join the military because they hear women like men in uniforms, or they enroll medical school and study for years to become doctors because they hear women are attracted to doctors. Even suicide bombers blow themselves up believing it will land them in paradise with 72 virgins as a reward for their actions. And endless numbers of males chase the dream of becoming rock stars because they dream of one day making it big and then finally “getting laid like rock stars.” They do all this and much more because they are motivated by the promise of all the women they will obtain as part of their success.

Play Hard

Females’ behavior is altered by these grand beliefs too, just differently. Society’s views of very sexually active and experienced males and the same type of females are quite different. If you are a promiscuous female, you are called “slut,” looked down upon, and in some cultures stoned to death. If you are a promiscuous male, however, you are called “stud,” looked up to, and admired for life — by both females and males, the young and old, the educated and uneducated. These different reactions create different kinds of social pressure for males and females that stimulates different behaviors.

The reality is that all females enjoy doing so-called slutty things, but no female wants to be perceived as a slut. One thing that females consider important is to be perceived as extremely cautious about whom they choose to have sex with. They are very concerned about their sexual reputation because of the way that society responds to it. Throughout time, the worst insult a female could receive has always been “whore,” and it remains so today. If you want to insult a male in a similar way, you have to do so by accusing his mother of being promiscuous (calling him a “bastard” or “son of a bitch,” for example), as being accused of being promiscuous has no effect on him directly since it is not associated with anything bad for males. To the contrary, such a comment would be a compliment.

Today females are still worried about being seen as “easy,” as in easy to get into bed with, since society still looks down upon such females. In an attempt to hide their true nature and natural urges, they have come up with the strategy of “playing hard to get,” which is more amusing than brilliant since it implies that females really are easy, though they are just pretending not to be. This is exactly the case. Women are very easy to get into bed as long as you understand what they want and how to give it to them. All women will, for instance, have sex on the first date, but few will admit it. Some do not even know they would as they have never met a man who knew how to seduce them that quickly and, sadly, most never will. However, the only reason that sex on the first date is even an issue for females is because of their socialization suggesting that it is inappropriate to engage in.

Some females manage to stay home, slowly getting more and more depressed and sexually frustrated, while those who cannot resist their natural urges give in to all their temptations and then pretend as if they never did. Most women fall somewhere in between these two extremes.

In reality, females absolutely love sex but, according to society, they are not supposed to enjoy it. However, this social pressure has unexpected consequences: Their socialization is luckily not enough to actually stop them from having a lot of sex with many men, since natural human desires cannot be suppressed successfully forever, but it will make them try to avoid taking any responsibility for it so that they appear to be “good” and “innocent” girls. Females are crazy horny, but they do not want everyone to find that out and label them as sluts. The most disturbing side effect of this behavior is how common it is for females to fantasize about being raped. Surveys have found that it is one of their most common sexual fantasies. This is not because they want to be raped for real, only that to be taken by force, against their will, is the ultimate form of sex without responsibility. Thus, it is a sexual fantasy that females may indulge in without feeling guilty.

When women are unable to suppress their desires, however, and when their fantasies are not enough to satisfy them, they will fuck around like rabbits but not admit it, and when the truth is exposed they will try to downplay the extent of their adventures and their responsibility for them. You can see signs of this if you pay attention to how they usually explain why they first slept with a man. They often describe it a little like this: “It just happened …,” “We somehow ended up in his bedroom …,” “I had been drinking …,” “I was very confused during that time …,” “He took me …,” and so on. It is quite common that females will describe what happened by first stating that they really did not have much control of the situation or that they had no responsibility for what happened, even though they wanted it to happen too and describe it with great passion as soon as they get their disclaimer on the public record.

When you are alone with a woman in bed, you can usually fuck and talk to her like the horny slut she really is, and she will truly enjoy it. However, she will usually become very upset if you bring anything of that sort up in public, in front of other people, because image and reputation are everything. This is something that you have to be aware of when attempting to seduce women.

Idealism

From society’s point of view, there are different ideals for males and females, and the larger the percentage of the population that strives toward these ideals, the more successful the society will be. Hence, our socialization has evolved so as to encourage these ideals. The more successful a male is, the more valuable he is to society, and the more sexually exclusive a female is, the more valuable she is to society. Males are taught that their value comes from their achievements and their proven abilities to provide for others, with the hero being the ideal male — a male who is even willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. This makes the loser the least ideal male. Females, on the other hand, are taught that their value lies within their sexuality and their ability to give birth and raise children, with the virgin labeled as the ideal female — a female who is willing to give up sexual pleasure for the greater good. This makes the slut the least ideal female.

For this reason, all successful cultures are full of stories of idealized females and males which tell about good things happening to female virgins and male heroes and bad things happening to female sluts and male losers to make sure the points are portrayed clearly.

What is easy to forget, however, is that these are ideal males and females for society at large, but not necessarily to each other, and since they are ideals, that means they are exaggerated extremes. If all females actually were virgins and stayed that way, and all males became heroes and died in sacrifice, humankind would have ceased to exist within one generation. So, this grand plan is in place for societies to succeed, not individuals, and it is flawed when executed perfectly. The promotion of these ideas has worked well, however, because most people merely strive toward them, which has been enough for societies to prosper.

Although it is irrelevant in the end, one might ask out of curiosity why society has prospered with these ideals. What is the point of controlling females’ sexuality?

The answer is probably because females have more at stake when they have sexual intercourse, as they indeed are more vulnerable than males and risk becoming pregnant. The more careful a female is, the better the chances that both she and her babies will survive. To have sex and potentially ending up pregnant is a huge risk only to her, while a male risks pretty much nothing at all from having sex with a female. Females only produce one egg per month, and once inseminated females will become much more vulnerable for nine straight months, leading up to childbirth, which is an experience that could actually kill them. Remember that medicine is a manmade science; painkillers, vaccines, birth clinics, and such inventions are not readily found in nature and are nothing that we humans are born to depend on. These advances have only been around for a few generations in the developed world, but even today you do not have easy access to these advances everywhere.

Males, on the other hand, produce millions of sperm every day and are capable of inseminating a new female if they please about 15 minutes after the previous one. There is no natural or biological risk involved at all, with the exception of sexually transmitted diseases which affect females too and take a long time to develop. Males are not the ones who will get pregnant. You know this, of course, unless you have been brainwashed by the modern idea that “there are actually two people who get pregnant.” Actually, only the female does, but it is in the best interests of society as a whole for all males to believe otherwise, because beliefs govern behavior, and if you want people’s behavior to change, you have to change their beliefs.

However, this approach does not make sense today. Control of females’ sexuality might have been a good idea, perhaps even critical, in the past, but today contraception is readily available. Today it is so easy to practice safe sex that it is much better, simpler, and healthier to preach and practice the use of condoms instead of locking up females or trying to make them feel guilty for indulging their natural urges.

So what is the point of controlling males’ effort?

The answer is probably that males have little at stake when they have sexual intercourse, as they do not risk becoming pregnant. Therefore, their lack of a strong natural desire to stay and care for only one female, to support her and her children, is not optimal as far as society is concerned. However, nothing is as desirable for a male as an attractive female is, and obtaining women is males’ greatest motivator. So making males believe they are less valuable than females and that they must earn females not only improves the chances of males supporting females and their children, but chasing females indirectly also causes males to pull society along with them as they create inventions, discover resources, and start corporations while chasing their achievements and competing with each other. These are byproducts that have inarguably benefitted all of us and helped humankind evolve from cold and unlit caves into heated and illuminated high-rises.

Imagine a few hundred years ago when Columbus made his voyage across the Atlantic Ocean toward the unknown horizon, perhaps toward the very end of the earth. If he were to have had all the women he wanted, would he have left his harem to embark on such a dangerous journey? Would he have been able to gather all the necessary crew of male sailors to join his ship if all of them too had all the women they dreamed of?

I seriously doubt it.

No sane male would risk his life going on such journeys or spend his entire lifetime in a laboratory to create technological advances. As far as work goes, males would most likely do a lot less, probably just enough to get through the day, so they could enjoy the rest of it with a beauty in their arms or in their beds. Technology would not have evolved at anywhere near the pace if all males were able to get the women they desire. Yet technology has evolved, and our world is full of useful inventions, and the males who created these inventions (few of them were female) are considered heroic, virtuous, and greatly celebrated in public.

Women truly are the greatest motivation there is for males. A lot of good music and useful inventions would never have come to fruition if males knew that they could just go straight after the women they wanted without being successful in society first. This is why there will always be high-level incentives to make females play hard to get and drive males to work hard for females.

However, this approach does not make sense today. Controlling males’ effort might have been a good idea, perhaps even critical, in the past. But these days, our standards of living are high, most of us live in societies that are peaceful and prosperous, and there are billions of males. Not every single male must sacrifice himself.

Perhaps long ago there were tribes in which males and females did not do much more than pursue and enjoy each other. Unfortunately, they would eventually be wiped out by any rival tribe that was willing to put that pleasure aside for a brief moment and spend some time developing weapons and martial arts. I do not know if this is true, but I do know that all the societies that have survived until today have well-organized military forces, and today males focus a lot of time and energy on things other than the pursuit of women, even if they admit they want nothing else. I also know that you are not risking your survival by pursuing women today, and neither does focusing on women for a while mean you have to give up your career entirely or completely neglect your community. However, you ought to know at least that there is an alternative to becoming a societal sheep, to be a man, and that alternative happens to be what women want.

Obviously, I am not interested in destabilizing society, which is why I am not out on a political campaign to change our socialization by altering our schools’ curriculums, the laws of our nations, or the way we raise our children. However, I do want to discuss the topic of feminism briefly, as it has already and is still trying to do all of that, but feel free to skip this section if you have no interest in politics.

Feminism

The idea that females are more valuable than males in a society may come as a surprise to you if you live in a country where feminist ideas have become popular, particularly the notion that females are unequal to males, but have been and still are less valued, not more. The opposite is really the case, and males have always been and still are the disposable sex as far as a society is concerned. However, the idea that females require more protection, even to the extent of calling them victims, will always be politically correct. But an idea that is popular is not necessarily accurate.

It appears that more males tend to be more feminine these days than in the past, and entire generations of boys are being intentionally raised to be more like girls in some of the industrialized nations due to the rise and political success of feminism. Many females complain that males were somehow manlier a decade ago, without understanding that this is the obvious result of inviting feminist ideas into our schools and institutions. The latest generations of males who are currently being raised with these new ideas are even more emasculated and effeminate than ever and are already finding it more difficult to get girls (as if their fathers did not have a hard enough time already), without seeing the connection between diminished masculinity and reduced attractiveness to females.

Few people are aware of this, however, but even if the radical feminist leaders who set the political agenda were aware, they would not care, considering such a large portion of them are lesbian and hence not interested in males, regardless of whether the males are attractive.

The problem with today’s feminism has nothing to do with the original goals of the “women’s” movement, such as equal economic opportunities, full political liberty, and fair treatment under the law. These are objectives that most reasonable people would be crazy not to support, as they embody nothing less than justice for all. However, the more progress that was made toward those admirable goals, the more the agenda shifted from equality to hostility toward males. Today, feminists are more likely to be found discussing their mutual contempt for males, and those with influence have tried making expressions of masculinity itself politically incorrect behavior. They believe that the cause of all society’s problems is masculine males and that the universal solution is to make males more feminine. Feminists have tried to achieve equality by erasing the gender differences entirely, altering everything from everyday vocabulary to common law, as if there were no biological differences between the sexes.

Such ideas have unfortunately been able to spread into many of our institutions, particularly our schools, in parts of the Western world.

Ironically, however, the only reason such ideas have spread so successfully and feminists’ attacks on men go on without much defense lies in the fundamental difference between the sexes, that females are more vulnerable than males and thus any kind of response from a male would be seen as unjust. If males were to put down females the same way that feminist females tend to put down males, the headlines would scream misogyny and sexism. This difference in the level of tolerance or even acceptance of how much worse females are allowed to talk about and treat males is rooted in the underlying biological fact that one sex is more vulnerable than the other, while at the same time being more valuable and hence more important to society. This makes it politically correct and socially acceptable for the more vulnerable, yet more valuable, sex (females) to attack the less vulnerable sex (males) seemingly without limits, but not the other way around.

Luckily, it is quite easy to avoid these tiresome debates, and men who are successful with women are too busy enjoying their lives to write letters to editors or engage in political campaigns. They are nowhere to be found in those areas because they have so many better things to do. This is the same reason why you seldom see attractive females wasting their time in those debates, either.

While early feminists have succeeded in increasing females’ rights in society to equal those of males, they have managed to do so without increasing females’ responsibility to match that of males, although more responsibility usually goes hand in hand with more rights. Leaders and legislators have allowed this to happen because taking responsibility always involves forms of risk, and since females are more vulnerable than males, but also more valuable, risk-taking behavior is seen as masculine and inappropriate for females. No one expects females to take huge risks, and no female will fight for increased responsibility as risks are undesirable, unlike rights.

While all forms of responsibility do involve exposing yourself to risk, the severity of the risks can vary greatly. Females always have and still do take more responsibility at home, for instance, but they do so because that domain is safer and involves a lot less risk than responsibilities in the outside world. For instance, responsibility for armed soldiers and the defense of nations, as males tend to take, involves much greater risk than responsibility for young children, as females tend to take. But even in the home, if a task involves risk taking, like a heavy object needing to be fetched from the attic or a satellite dish being attached on the roof, the male is expected to take care of it.

Nonetheless, feminism is not actually about equality, and it never was. If it were, then feminists would discuss equal responsibility as much as they do equal rights. They would talk about getting females into the filthy and dangerous professions that are dominated by males and not only about the prestigious and safe positions like company boards, and they would fight equally to send more females into war to defend their country and earn their right to vote, not just demand more rights without more responsibilities. Of course, then it would not be called a “women’s” movement, but a people’s movement. The reason it is not, however, is because feminism is about nothing but reinforcing and spreading the already prevailing idea that females are more vulnerable than males, although more valuable, and hence require more protection in society — in the disguise of its own rhetoric. It is just a new form of the same old traditional socialization, although feminists themselves seem completely oblivious to this fact.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

This is also why, despite the “women’s” movement making significant progress and increasing females’ rights, without increasing their responsibilities, feminists still maintain that females are oppressed by males and valued less by society. And I can tell you right now that no matter how much “progress” is made, they will never be satisfied and politicians will always be ready to listen because as long as it is in a society’s best interest to value females more, that interest will shape public policy.

No matter the evidence or real-world experience that suggests otherwise, no matter the statistics that show that males live shorter lives than females, are more often victims of violence, commit suicide more often, get longer prisons sentences for committing the same crime, are the only ones drafted for the military, and are more frequently hurt and die more often at work because females are more valued than males in society, and our socialization therefore teaches us to overprotect them without question. Plus females’ concerns will always be taken with less scrutiny in the political sphere, especially in democratic countries where females cast the majority of votes. Thus, the idea that females have more and tougher struggles than males will always persist, even when there is evidence that contradicts it, which there is in many areas, because people simply respond with more empathy to females in distress. For instance, this is why the world is full of “women’s” shelters and more government grants that are earmarked to help battered females despite the vast majority of victims of violence being males.

Also, if you were to see a female slapping a male in bar, for instance, it is quite likely you and everyone else in the venue would instantly think “he probably deserved it” and not move a muscle. Some might even be amused. But if the roles were reversed and it was the male who slapped the female, it is quite likely you and everyone else would instantly think “what an asshole” and even get up and intervene, call the police, or wish that someone would. And, of course, everyone would be appalled.

I could go on with countless more examples, but I give you merely these examples to show you that our behavior comes from our beliefs, and since we are traditionally raised with different beliefs about males and females, we behave differently. We only feel an urge to protect one sex but not the other. If this were not true, females would be left to fend for themselves the same way males are.

Few people are aware of these beliefs, however, but our mindset (all our beliefs) governs our manners (all our behavior), regardless of our awareness.

No man who is successful with women is a feminist, although most do support fair treatment of females and often treat them more equally than ordinary males do. In particular, they support the sexual liberation of women as it benefits them the most since it is such men who sleep with the women who don’t worry about promiscuity. Such men benefit, but not the average male and especially not the few emasculated males who actually call themselves feminists — something they do, ironically, only because they feel inadequate for or intimidated by women and seek their approval. They fear to disagree and believe that women in general want what only a few angry and outspoken females claim they want.

A man does not have to call himself a feminist to get girls, and he does not need to worry about the issues that feminists make a big deal over either. For instance, one of those issues that feminists love to get all worked up about is the objectification of women, which is nothing more than the natural attraction instinct in all males. If males had not developed this instinct of being attracted to women based on their bodies, these feminists would not be alive today to complain about it. But it is not “women” in the everyday meaning of the word, as in “all females,” that males like to look at and objectify. It is women by my definition, as in the feminine females that males are the most attracted to, that males like to look at — and they are a small minority of all females.

I actually agree that it is wrong to objectify females, because the majority of females are unattractive. Only 10% or so are really attractive; thus, a male has no business looking at the majority. But then again, that is really the case already, and this might be the real reason why some of the 90% of females get upset, as they are indeed neglected. Males are not objectifying all females in general; instead, they ignore them, and the men who are most successful with women focus on the most attractive ladies without wasting time on the rest. They neither look at them nor listen to their complaints because they have no biological value.

You should be less concerned with what the majority of females want because you are honestly not attracted to them, and their opinions do not represent those of the women you really want. Remember, though, not only is the vast majority of females unattractive these days, but the same goes for the vast majority of males. This means that the political agenda will always cater to the wishes of unattractive people, as it caters to the majority. You should have this in the back of your mind whenever you hear public opinion, government policies, mass media, and the opinion of any political movement. Politically correct opinions will simply be ideas that are popular, ideas that the majority of people like to hear regardless of how accurate or effective those ideas are. However, nevertheless, the women that males really want are not part of the majority; they are never radical feminists, or the ones complaining.

One goal of traditional socialization, which feminists aim to preserve in their own way, is to protect females in society. My point, however, is that a male should treat a female he wants like a woman; he should make her feel feminine. That includes protecting her and shielding her from discomfort (since a female is more vulnerable than him after all), but he should not sacrifice himself while doing so — as women do not want that. Only society does. Females are naturally attracted to a male who believes he is important and valuable, but also equal to them, and therefore treats his female as important and valuable too. Only society wants males to believe, or at least to behave as if they believe, they are insignificant and disposable but also inadequate for and unequal to all females and therefore willing to sacrifice themselves if necessary.

Scientific Advice

From an evolutionary perspective, females are supposed to have been mating with the males who were able to provide for and protect them, as the ones who cared more for these traits in a male would be more likely to survive their pregnancy and make sure their offspring would survive to adulthood to reproduce on their own. Traditional socialization, which teaches that males have to earn females and that females’ sexuality must be controlled, reinforces the ideas that males should be able to provide, while females should make sure they are provided for, as that maximizes the children’s chances to survive and reproduce.

Males with such supportive abilities have always had high status in all societies, so many anthropologists believe that females are attracted to males with high status. Modern research of matchmaking has also found that males with more wealth, which is a sign of high status and ability to provide, are more likely to get married. However, the researchers’ conclusion that females are attracted to males with wealth or high status is nevertheless false. In addition, examining the kind of partner males and females decide to marry will only, even if the correct conclusions are drawn, lead to ideas for how to find a marriage, something far less interesting and advantageous for males and not the type of relationship they usually want, at least not primarily or naturally.

Nevertheless, it is still masculine males that females are attracted to, but males with such characteristics are indeed more likely found among wealthy males with higher status than among males in general, but those traits are far from exclusive to wealthy males. Males with status and power are, for instance, more likely to have a lot of confidence, as confidence is a key to success in all endeavors, but that does not rule out the existence of males without status and power possessing that same quality.

The researchers whose work is described above make the logical error of observing that all apples are fruit and then drawing the erroneous conclusion that all fruits are apples. But their first mistake is to search for the answers in the wrong place, to look at external data that are easy to measure (completely excluding personality traits for instance) because they are just as affected by their socialization as everyone else and come to the table with preconceived notions of which they are unaware. However, thinking outside the box is probably not their specialty, and I would guess that neither is getting girls because they would not study attraction if they already knew what women wanted; if they did, the male researchers would most likely spend time pursuing women instead of sitting in a lab all day or trying to meet women by “studying” them.

On a biological level, women do care more about finding a male who has the ability and willingness to care for them. But the extent to which he is able to support a female is measured by his confidence, while his will to care is found in his charm, and both traits are reflected in how much responsibility he takes. It is these three personality traits themselves and their appearance in a male that turn females on and bring a male his success with women, not his achievements or wealth. And the level of caring that is necessary, and what it means to care for a woman, is very far from having a successful career or paying her bills.

Males believe such things are important because of their social conditioning, and females’ social conditioning is heavily focused on brainwashing them to look for a male who will care for them even more than they biologically feel is necessary. These are what “playing hard to get” and the traditional idea of abstaining from sex entirely before marriage are all about, and why women go on so many blind dates with males that look good on paper but turn out to be disappointing in person.

To be successful with women, you have to appear to care for them, however far from as much as we are led to believe is necessary as females are instinctively attracted to a certain type of male on a biological level, which their socialization cannot change. Plus, how they want to be cared for is quite different from what is commonly believed.

Social forces may have changed what women believe they are attracted to so much that they even list traits they are not born to be attracted to and do not actually respond to, which is one of several reasons why it is never a good idea to follow females’ advice.

Female Advice

To ask for and follow a female’s advice may seem like a good idea if your experience with dating or even talking to women is limited, but it is not. If you elicit female advice, you will end up with guidance that is useless at best and counterproductive at worst, making you more and more confused and frustrated.

Females naturally believe themselves to be experts solely on the merit of being females, and they have plenty of advice to give to anyone who asks despite the obvious fact that they have never approached, seduced, and made love to a woman as a male. Besides that, however, there are several other reasons why asking your female friends for help, including your mother, is not such a good idea.

First, females are conditioned to control their sexuality, and they are raised to believe that if they do not, then they are bad, easy, loose, cheap, and naughty sluts that everyone will look down upon. That kind of social pressure makes them officially claim certain things that might not be true. The best approach to get girls is to understand that women actually are easy while at the same time never letting them feel so.

Second, females are not consciously aware of everything that they are attracted to in males because their actual list of necessary qualities and the automatic process of being turned on is nonconscious. To complicate things further, the things they are attracted to are not as obvious as mere physical looks either — things like a certain attitude and specific behaviors, which are much harder to describe even if they are aware of them. However, women might still think that they know what they truly want, and they will be very happy to help and eager to give you their opinion if you ask them, usually in a very certain and convincing way. When pressed for answers, they tend to give universal responses, such as claiming to want a male who is funny, tall, and nice, yet they keep dating males who are not (something that you have probably seen with your own eyes).

Third, females tend not to know how they were seduced if they have ever experienced it or even that it is an underlying process that can be repeated. Even if they do remember and can identify the process, whatever they describe will still be from their own perspective and not the same as the male who did it would describe it. Considering the fact that so few males are good at getting the girls they want on a consistent basis, even if a female knew a male’s exact strategy, assuming he had one, it would probably not work with most other women.

Fourth, how females imagine that they will react to a male’s approach and how they actually do react can be completely different. That is why girls will not give you an accurate answer if you ask them whether a specific approach will work or not, but they will still give you an answer.

Finally, females tend to give males advice that only works for females, such as telling them to take their time, let love come to them, that they will meet someone when they least expect it, and it will “just happen.” But the only reason those things work for females is that they rely on males taking action. If you are not getting girls at all, acting even more like one is not going to help you; it will only make things worse.

It does not matter that female advice is given with the best of intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Do yourself a favor and avoid it, no matter how sane and logical the advice may seem. Chances are that you have listened to such advice in the past, and here you are still looking for the right answers. However, to be fair, it is not only female advice you would be wise to avoid; I would recommend that you avoid all conventional advice as well.

Conventional Advice

All the unnatural ideas about how males ought to pursue females that we learn through our socialization are taken for granted, assumed to be true, reinforced, and passed on through conventional dating advice. Mainstream advice will in general simply facilitate and further traditional social conditioning, since that is what everyone is used to and what makes sense in their minds. There are also hidden agendas within some advice, such as selling unnecessary products. Take for instance, the whole idea of “metrosexual men,” males who care deeply about their looks and use makeup like women do. This is just a new way of various industries to sell existing products to a new market. The idea is to target males who already have low confidence or to create even more insecure males who will empty their pockets in an effort to feel better and good enough for women. It is a sad sight to see females encourage it, and even sadder to see males embrace it, but it is hardly surprising or unsound from a business perspective.

The biggest effect that this traditional socialization has on males, however, is that it causes them to be indirect with women, which is why almost all males try using an excuse to start up a conversation: a lighter, a dog, a friend, offering drinks, pretending to be lost, or pretending not to know what time it is. This is a natural consequence for a male who believes that females do not want sex or that females are more valuable and thus have to be earned.

Unfortunately, the more indirect a male is, the more feminine he appears, making him less attractive to women. This unspoken indirect theme can be found as part of all conventional ideas and popular advice in the realms of dating, which is why most males are also unsuccessful with women. When the underlying paradigm is feminine, the ideas and advice spawned by it will never be effective as long as females are attracted to masculine males.

Even though some advice is given with the best of intentions, people just do not understand the high-level issues that our socialization causes and that it is possible to circumvent the entire game if you address these preconceived ideas and change your mindset. The best way to get girls is actually not to play the game or to think outside the box; it is to avoid playing games and to step outside the box completely. It involves changing your mindset from being indirect with women to being direct, from being feminine to being masculine.

The mainstream dating advice and the traditions that go along with it focus on the wrong aspects, and often behaviors that do not really make any difference, such as what to do on dates, where to go, and what to wear — things to spend your money on, basically. This is what people tend to talk about as a result of their social conditioning to compensate for a male’s presumed lower value to females. However, what to spend your money on, or having money to spend, is the least of your worries if you want a woman who is so beautiful that she makes you nervous, or if you do not feel good enough for her and hence consider it necessary to spend any money on her. Those are issues that you have to deal with before anything else, and they are all about you, with solutions resolving inside you.

Although following conventional advice may be better than sitting at home on your couch, it is still far from good, and it is only defended by people because they do not understand that there is a much better alternative.

The big problem is that when males believe they are not good enough as they are, they chase success and money, and their masculine confidence vanishes. If you believe females are attracted to something that you do not have, you will feel inadequate and lose your confidence. This is a self-fulfilling prophesy because confidence is crucial to your success with women as it is the primary expression of masculinity, necessary to appear less vulnerable than females.

The only good news is that society has evolved and everyone have benefitted, but at the cost of individual happiness. In the end, traditional socialization leads to a lot of unhappy males and females who are not enjoying themselves and each other as much as they could.

Yes, females suffer because of it too!

However, the more affected you are by traditional socialization, the more you will believe it is only making males’ lives more miserable when they are not getting girls. But to believe that means ignoring females’ sexuality — believing that females are either less interested in sex or unable to enjoy it as much as males do. All men who are good with women know for sure that this idea is false. If there is any difference, it is that females have the potential to enjoy sexual pleasure more than males. Females are not only able to enjoy sex more intensely, as they do not have to hold anything back or think unattractive thoughts to avoid reaching climax, but they are also able to have multiple orgasms. And as far as being interested in sex, females too think about it every day. They cannot even eat a banana without being reminded of sex.

Still, the prevailing belief that most males have is that they are of less worth than females. Not only do they believe they need to earn women, but they also believe that they gain the most from attaining them because they think a female offers more value by herself than a male does by himself. In particular, they believe that sex is not a mutual pleasure, but a one-way transaction where females lose at the gain of males or a favor that females grant to males. This is why the mainstream idea of a man who is good with women is that he is a sort of sexual thief, taking what he wants from women. A ladies man “uses” women as if sex were not a mutually pleasurable act. But if men really did “exploit” women, they would not be so popular with them, now would they?

If anyone is getting more out of it than the other, it is the females who enjoy an experienced man. It may very well be that females are mainly at the mercy of a male’s sexual skill to enjoy the full potential of their pleasure in bed. This is an experience the ordinary male may not be able to provide because he has not had enough practice, he does not appreciate his ordinary female enough to make the effort, and she has not been with more experienced males to understand the pleasure she is missing.

Unfortunately, many females are no better themselves, and they make the very same mistake males do because they are conditioned to react in the same way as males. That is why they will look with initial skepticism at a book like this, until they realize that having more males who are more attractive and more adept at treating women well would actually benefit them too, perhaps benefit them the most, at least if they are attractive.

However, females are not the only ones who will automatically react with skepticism and even fight against their own best interests when something challenges their social beliefs; in fact, everyone will. That is the expected response and one of the challenges that you will face if you do not follow the informal rules of society. Most people will eventually come around if you sit them down and explain how their upbringing has influenced them, and they will slowly be able to step back and look at the situation more objectively. However, to even propose ideas that go against our traditional socialization, even further to take action that defies it — such as to pursue women without being successful or rich — will present some mental challenges. Nevertheless, it is still the most effective approach; it is what you should do, and what this book is about.

For an individual male, it is in his best interest to change his attitude, but for society as a whole, it is not beneficial, and I bring this up to prepare you for the social resistance you will encounter. You may not encounter resistance, you will encounter it. As society is based on these ideas, people will automatically and nonconsciously fight to preserve them.

Nevertheless, just because you have believed something for a very long time or because the majority of people believes something does not make it true. It was not too long ago that the overwhelming majority sincerely believed the world was flat, and people back then believed it with as strong a conviction that they still believe females need to be earned and that females do not enjoy sex as much as males do. But just as the world is not flat, you do not have to earn females, and they actually do enjoy sex as much as males do. The opposite is a lie, which makes everything that is based on it — all the discussions you hear, all the advice you have been given based on those ideas — worthless as well. When the underlying paradigm is wrong, the ideas based on it will most likely be wrong as well since it is hard to hit your mark when you are facing the wrong direction, no matter how good your aim.

By simply understanding nature and nurture, you are ahead of the game already. Next, you need to learn more about their effects to take advantage of this knowledge and to best seduce women.

Chapter Three

SEDUCTION

Seduction is a natural and uncomplicated activity. It can humorously, yet accurately, be described as the process by which males and females who are mutually attracted learn to know each other intimately, one sense at a time, by moving closer to each other at a comfortable pace until the male ends up inside the female and is so comfortable that he inseminates her. But our socialization is the cause of several limiting beliefs about what women want, and it suppresses the natural behavior that females are attracted to in males, which makes the originally amusing, simple, and straightforward process appear a lot more serious, complicated, and difficult.

Before you reach the final part of this book, Part IV — which is about the seduction process itself; what to do and in what order to do it — there will be several discussions on what to avoid. This may seem a bit strange. Why dedicate such a big proportion of the book to what not to do instead of only discussing what to do? Unfortunately, males who are unsuccessful with women do many things that are not only wrong but also unnecessary. However, there really is not that much a man has to do to seduce women. Success is simple and straightforward, but failure is hard and complicated.

The best way to actually get girls is to understand what women want (not what our socialization leads us to believe they want and not what women’s socialization leads women to claim they want, but what they actually respond to naturally) and then give it to them. And while our socialization makes males believe, or at least act like, they are of less worth than females and that females have to be earned, which is nonsense, a male does need to offer females value to be interesting to them; he needs something that increase females’ chances to pass their genes on.

However, a male’s value, which is a synonym for his attractiveness, lies within himself the same way a female’s value, her attractiveness, is all part of her. Members of both sexes look for traits that increase their own chance to survive and reproduce. The only difference is that females value different things in males than males do in females. Males want women for what their nonconscious mind believes women’s bodies can offer them, while females want men for what their nonconscious mind believes men’s behaviors can offer them.

If women do not find a male attractive, he is simply not offering them enough genetic value; his behavior is unattractive, and he can only become attractive by improving his behavior to become more masculine and thus in fact more valuable to women. However, women not only want a male they are attracted to, but they also prefer a man who is attracted to them, so the process of seduction boils down to demonstrating that attraction too.

What women want is supposed to be some sort of unsolved mystery that has haunted males, and even females, since the dawn of civilization. Well, no more!

Women want men who treat them like women, males who are masculine and who make females feel feminine — men with confidence, charm, and responsibility.

There are three reasons for this. First, women want a male with confidence for natural reasons because the more secure he appears, the less vulnerable he seems. Such a male appears to have the ability to protect and support a female better than she could protect and support herself. Second, they want a male with charm for natural reasons because the more interested in one particular female he appears to be, the more reliable he seems. Such a male appears to have the willingness to protect and support a female without leaving her for another female. Third, they want a male with responsibility for both natural and social reasons because the more action a male takes, the more masculine he appears and the more feminine a female feels. Such a male appears to have both confidence and charm, as he is taking all the risks and making all the effort to seduce her. He also appears to understand the social pressures she is under, as women are not raised to take responsibility for sex.

Thus, the three following chapters in Part II describe each of these three topics, starting with confidence, then charm, and finally responsibility.

All males who adopt these behaviors will be successful with women for as long as they act the same way. But there is a slight difference between acting and being. A male who wants to be successful with women should aim to internalize these behaviors, so that he is confident, charming, and responsible, not just able to act as if he is.

Nevertheless, it is fine and in fact necessary to act like an attractive male if you are just beginning your journey to becoming a man. Fake it until you make it. Becoming attractive as a male takes time, as it involves changing lifelong habits in the same way it takes time for an obese female to lose the weight she has spent her lifetime gaining. But those who stick with it, work at it every single day, and double their efforts until they get the results they want, will eventually no longer act; they will be, and that is how you accomplish both easy and lasting success with women.

Part II

THE MANNERS

Attractive and Attracted

Although an effective mindset is essential, it only matters that it leads to effective manners. Your manners are all the behaviors that originate from your beliefs. Understanding what women want is only the beginning; you also have to understand how to give it to them.

When you have completely adopted the right mindset, your behavior will change automatically, and this is what matters because to other people you are your behavior. However, if your beliefs are deeply rooted and they have been for a very long time, the best way to change them is to challenge them. Nothing shatters false beliefs as fast and as thoroughly as ignoring them; act otherwise and experience the evidence you have been avoiding. If you believe that you cannot do something but go ahead and do it anyway, and succeed, that belief will eventually change because your personal experience contradicts it.

Thus, you have to understand what behavior to adopt and what behavior to avoid.

Chapter Four

CONFIDENCE

The ability to appear certain by tolerating uncertainty. To be dominant, optimistic, and courageous with women, and never act intimidated by them.

It is quite easy to tell someone to be confident, and I am definitely not the first one to advocate males’ confidence around women, but I am the first to actually explain what that really means. True confidence has such an impact on all facets of one’s life that its meaning demands to be explained in great detail. It affects all of your behavior, which is why I will refer to this central concept hundreds of times throughout this book. However, let’s first explore the concept so that we are perfectly clear on what confidence really is.

Most people believe confidence is the state or quality of being certain, and thus to “be confident” means to be or feel certain about your ability to do something, to be or feel sure of yourself. That is the generally accepted dictionary definition, but it obviously does not describe confidence accurately in reality. If it were accurate, it would be impossible to be confident unless you could see into the future, and there would be no naturally confident people. However, confident people do exist, and some even embark on new endeavors full of confidence. This is perfectly possible because confidence is merely the appearance of certainty, regardless of how or why one appears to be so. Actual certainty or feelings of certainty may have nothing to do with it.

When it comes to being attractive to women, internal insurance is unnecessary as women do not care why men are confident. They only care about the external appearance of certainty, how males behave, because that is the only thing they can see, and it has proved to be a good indicator throughout the history of our species in the selection of suitable sexual partners.

In fact, not only is internal insurance unnecessary, it is even undesirable. Some people are sure of themselves on the inside, but you would never know it judging by their appearance, so we still label them as unconfident. Such males are not attractive to females. Others may have no idea what they are doing or have misunderstood their situation entirely, yet they appear dead certain because they act dead certain, so we label them as confident. Such males are attractive to females.

An easier way for males to comprehend this idea is to consider how they care only about the external appearance of health, youth, and fertility in females. They are more attracted to a female who looks like she would be a good mother, even if she cannot have children due to an unknown disease, compared to a female with a perfect health record, but who looks ugly and old, with a flat chest and no hips worth talking about.

While women do not care about a male’s real abilities as long as he is confident (he appears certain), their parents and peers might care. Luckily, you do not have to please those people; in fact, you do not even have to meet them. Women are well known for falling for so-called “bad boys” and “losers” despite the complaints of their peers and prohibition of their parents. You see, when we are attracted to someone, we nonconsciously focus on the good qualities and filter out the bad, unless the bad qualities include an unattractive appearance. For a male, this primarily means being too feminine as that will change how attractive he is to females, and if he loses his attractiveness, all his other faults suddenly become apparent.

Many males have experienced this effect while in a relationship with a female who was nothing but wonderful, telling all her friends what a great guy she had. However, as soon as they broke up, it is as if she turned into another person and could not help telling everyone in the world what an asshole he was. He probably did not change that much, but her perception of him did as her focus changed.

Since being confident means appearing certain, the only thing that matters is how to appear certain with women. It requires you to adopt some behaviors while avoiding others. A confident male does not express uncertainty, neither in general nor with women, and he is dominant around women since he acts like he knows what he is doing.

DOMINANT

All men are dominant as dominance is a requisite for confidence, which is the primary expression of masculinity. But dominance is not an intrinsic individual quality. It only exists in relation to other people, and it becomes apparent through how one interacts with others via observation of who leads, who follows, who acts, and who reacts the most. In short, dominant people seem to trust themselves the most — they appear to be the most certain.

In every couple, only one of the two can be dominant, and one of them always is. Therefore, to be a dominant male automatically means to treat women as submissive and expect them to be submissive. This is inevitable. If you do not do so, you will act submissively yourself, and this behavior is doomed to fail with women since it is feminine.

However, the point is not to become domineering or to control women; it is only about putting your own interests first, being selfish most of the time. It is also unnecessary to be dominant with all females or even all women; it is only necessary to be so with the women you date or want to date. But, of course, if you want to be attractive at all times, you would always be dominant, no matter the circumstances.

All signs of submission are feminine and only make females more attractive because it is more appropriate to be submissive if you are more vulnerable. Let me give you two everyday examples to prove this point.

First, the tighter a necklace or scarf sits around a female’s throat, the more attractive she looks because it is a symbol of submission to have something around your neck, like the rope around the neck of a pet or slave. The thinner the piece is, the more feminine it looks, because it is symbol of physical weakness if the “chain” does not have to be strong to hold her. This is why males who wear jewelry usually wear pieces that are designed to be stronger, heavier, thicker — chains that fall more loosely around the neck because it looks more masculine that way.

Second, the more a female looks upward when she is photographed, the more attractive she looks because it is a sign of submission to look up to someone else, much like a pet or a child does. The higher the camera is above her head, the more feminine she looks, because it is symbol of physical smallness if she has to look up. This is why girls hold their cameras at arm’s length above their heads to take pictures of themselves, as they know they look more attractive that way.

However, few females consciously think to themselves, “I want to look small, weak, and submissive, like a pet or slave” when they take their picture or shop for tight, thin jewelry such as necklaces, anklets, and bracelets. They just try a pose or an item on and realize, “That looks nice!” because it does, as a female looks more attractive the more feminine she is, and she looks more feminine because she appears more vulnerable, and she appears more vulnerable whenever she seems more submissive.

Nevertheless, even if females were not more attracted to dominant males than submissive ones, a male would still have far more success if he is dominant, since treating yourself and your will as more important will always yield far better results than not. If you do not take care of your own self-interests, no one else will. You have to be selfish, and the more selfish you are, the more successful you will be.

Selfish

Those who get furthest in life, including with women, are those who take matters into their own hands and protect their own interests because no one else will do it for them. They are selfish, so that is what you must be to succeed with women. However, it is also inevitable that selfishness leads to dominance and, thus, being selfish is necessary to be masculine. If we were not all raised to believe that selfishness was extremely bad behavior, I could just leave it at that, but now we are in the middle of something that our socialization tries to meddle with the most.

You are the most important person in your life, so you should treat yourself as such, but few people do. Most are afraid of being seen as selfish and being labeled by their peers as someone with a big ego, as if that automatically means you are a bad person.

When people say that someone has a big ego, they mean that the person is egotistical and thinks more highly of himself than other people, or to be more specific, the person thinks more highly of himself than he is “supposed” to. It is quite normal and expected for people to say that you have a big ego as soon as you think you are more than worthless, since each individual alone in society is not worth much, and males in particular are seen as almost completely disposable before they have proven their usefulness by working hard. This is why you hear females talk about men and their big egos, as a male who deems himself equal to females may appear that way.

Egotism and selfishness are preached in all societies as sinful behavior, while altruism and self-sacrifice are encouraged as honorable virtues. And the ideal male has always been the hero, someone who shows a willingness to sacrifice himself for a greater good. Most religions and many political parties promote this as an important moral value. The intentions are usually good because it seems like a good idea for individuals to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of us all, but it only seems like a good idea if you avoid actually thinking it through thoroughly.

All of the prevailing societies are structured in such a way to put the interest of the group before the individual. If they were not, they would not have prevailed, as that is what is needed for a society to survive over time. The crux of the matter is, though, that what is best for society is not necessarily even good for the individual, and the purpose of social conditioning is to preserve and develop our society as a whole, not to allow individuals to reach their potential or get what they want. That is why self-sacrifice is preached as virtuous, for instance, while it is obviously a path that will lead individuals further away from their happiness. Rulers from all of history have known this; hence, they have been loud advocates for altruism and preached about the sin of selfishness for the masses of people without practicing what they preach. Politicians still do it today, and they are constantly caught catering to their own interests against their public policies. They do it because it is the smart thing to do and the only way to make sure they get what they want. Following public policy rarely leads to personal success. Altruism is only a winning concept if you can convince others to sacrifice themselves for you.

However, altruism does not make any rational sense when you think about it; if your purpose in life is to serve other people, what are those people you are serving doing here? But the big problem with a society that promotes this is that it does not permit anyone to have self-respect. You cannot have high self-esteem (believe you are valuable and important) without being selfish. This is not a problem, though, because selfishness is not as bad as we are led to believe — quite the contrary.

Through traditional socialization we are led to believe that individuals who look after their own interests jeopardize society as a whole, regardless of what they actually do, and, therefore, selfishness must be condemned unconditionally. This attitude is evident in the way that many people use the adjective selfish whenever they describe the actions of people who make gains at the expense of the well-being of others, but that is not selfish — that is foolish. You are not looking after your own interests if it means stepping on other people and violating their rights along the way because making enemies does not serve your own best interests over the long term. This is actually self-destructive, which is the complete opposite of selfish!

We are also led to believe that selfishness rules out both charity and kindness, but it really does not. In fact, most people who help others actually do so because they are selfish. Helping others makes the helpers feel good, and it is what they want to do. They do not see it as sacrificing themselves, so they are not altruistic. But that is okay, because those who are helped do not care about their helpers’ motives.

But the truth is, who benefits from a deed has no relevance to whether that deed is good or evil, i.e. whether you do something for yourself or for others is not the measure of goodness which our traditional socialization leads us to believe — what matters is only if the deed aids or threatens anyone’s well-being; thus, if you worry about morals, that is the only thing you ought to concern yourself with.

Dominance requires that you treat yourself as important, and thus you have to value yourself, which altruism does not permit. However, the point is not to believe that you are of more worth than you really are, but neither is it to think that you are of less worth. Egotism is an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and altruism is an understated sense of self-importance. Both attitudes are extremes on each side of the same spectrum. There is a perfect center — being realistic and rational and understanding that you are the most important person in your life, that if you do not take care of your self-interests, no one else will, and whether you are a good person depends on whether you hurt anyone, not simply to whom you direct your actions.

Important

To consider yourself important means to have high self-esteem, as self-esteem is simply your own opinion of yourself — how valuable you deem yourself to be. It is a decision, not an emotion. People we label as having high self-esteem are those who appear that way because they put themselves first constantly — by making the decision to do so over and over regardless of how they feel on the inside. Now, it is true that actual feelings of self-regard do exist the same way that feelings of certainty do exist. However, just as you do not have to pay attention to your feelings of certainty to act certain, you do not have to pay attention to your feelings of importance to act important: Since you are the most important person in your life, you can naturally act that way for no special reason.

It is still confidence that you need to be successful with women, but if you “have” self-esteem — by deciding to act as important as you really are — you will appear certain too. In this regard, self-esteem leads to confidence, and this is why self-esteem is often confused with confidence and why you may hear females say they like a male with a lot of it.

Because self-esteem leads to confidence, anything that diminishes it will reduce your success with women. This is yet another reason why traditional socialization for males is so bad, as it attempts to lower males’ self-regard and then fool them into thinking they must earn it back by working hard and prove their worth to women and the world. But self-esteem is self-respect, not just respect in general. What you achieve in life may earn you respect from other people, but that is not self-esteem; that is “others-esteem.” It is called self-esteem for a reason, because it is how you regard yourself — which is a decision entirely up to you. There are no conditions to be met beyond the conditions you give yourself. It is all based on your own opinion, which you fully control.

However, those who do not trust themselves more than others tend to rely on other people’s opinion and to gauge their own worth and importance by how well other people regard them, and they then act accordingly. This is an easy mistake to make since we are raised to seek approval from other people. Plus, we actually need it as we grow up because other people truly are more important than we are when we are young; we would not have survived without them.

Nevertheless, approval from others is no longer necessary for adults who are self-reliant and independent, perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. But once a habit has been established when we are young, it often continues with a life of its own. The same type of behavior that we grew up with to please our parents remains alive and well. Thus, adult males chase success in society by focusing on academic achievements, professional careers, and competitions to prove their worth. Not until society responds by giving them recognition, acceptance, appreciation, and status do they allow themselves to feel more valuable, or at least equal to females.

Social conditioning leaves little wonder why females’ ideal male is called Prince Charming or why they get excited over doctors since few males except those who have either inherited or earned high status behave attractively. But once again, it is not the status per se that females are attracted to in these males, but the masculine confidence apparent from their dominance.

A male does not actually have to be important to society to be attractive to women; there is no need to achieve high status, even though the few who are dominant tend to have high social status. Without this formal status, adults tend to not give themselves the permission to act important, as we are raised to prove ourselves and our value before we can do so. Raising children that way may be necessary, but this self-regulatory behavior eventually turns out to be a huge obstacle to a male’s success with women, as acting important is a necessity to be attractive to them. When a female meets a male, she gauges his confidence by the way he relates to other people, not only to her but also to everyone else, including bystanders, family, friends, strangers, and potential or hypothetical boyfriends. She is looking for a masculine male, not only a male with a lot of confidence, but one who actually has more confidence than she does — a dominant male — a man she can look up to, and she will pay close attention to how a male behaves to judge his value.

Nevertheless, deeming yourself as the most important person, including more important than the women you want, does not mean that you have to or should disrespect them. There is no need to insult women off-handedly every now and then when you approach them; you can in fact treat them well as long as you make sure to treat yourself even better and expect to be treated like that by other people, including her.

People are commonly raised to believe that they are worthless to begin with, that they should sacrifice themselves for their peers, and that the only way to regain their natural self-worth is by working hard and serving society. Males are unquestionably raised to believe that earning achievements is necessary to prove their value. Thus, males with status regain informal permission to think and act important, with formal authority and external recognition to back them up for as long as they still serve.

Nevertheless, earning your self-esteem in this way is not a good idea. Besides the fact that it confuses respect with self-respect, there are many further complications.

First, the process of earning your self-esteem is tedious. It takes a long time to earn degrees and promotions and to get in shape for competitions and to compete. Postponing your pursuit of women until you have reached your goals is a bad idea because of all the time that you are wasting in the meantime. You could literally waste a lifetime doing it — many males do.

Second, it is unpredictable. You cannot know how much better you will feel and how long that will last before you have reached your goals. Sometimes when you achieve even a challenging task, you are left with a feeling of disappointment, as you realize that your accomplishments did not have the overwhelming effect you had hoped for.

Third, it is fragile. When you ground your self-worth in a specific domain, such as your professional success, your self-esteem is vulnerable to negative events within that area, for example, if you lose your job or an essential client. If whatever you built your self-esteem on crumbles entirely, you would be back to square one.

Fourth, it does not always translate well from one area to the other. At the end of the day, you still have to spend time talking to women to get them. You may feel like a million bucks at the office or the club but not necessarily when you leave it.

Finally, it is unnecessary, because women do not care about how you cultivate the appearance of importance. They are only attracted to your external appearance — your dominance. Even if you regard yourself extremely well on the inside, you still have to demonstrate your self-esteem with confident behavior for women to notice it. It is not enough only to think well of yourself if no one notices or if you act otherwise, and it actually does not matter if you feel worthless and unimportant as long as you do not act like it. Once you understand this, you also understand why many of the sexiest men on earth, according to women, are actors, but they are not actors because they are sexy; they are sexy because they are actors.

Attaching your self-esteem to anything external is just a bad idea. It creates an unnecessary intermediary that only makes your life vastly more complicated and your progress far more time consuming than it has to be. It is not natural to feel bad and less valuable without achievements or expensive gadgets. If you feel worthless because you do not have a high-paying job, a nice apartment, or an expensive car, allow me to remind you that none of those things existed a few decades ago. None of them. Money does indeed not grow on trees.

It is also not natural to feel bad about yourself or your appearance or to worry about what other people think of you. If you feel bad about yourself when you have not cut your hair for a long time, when your clothes are not expensive, or when your white sneakers no longer look new, then you have to understand that these feelings are learned and not natural. Just look at the way kids run around buck naked or in funny costumes, with paint and mud all over their faces, completely unaffected by their appearance. They are still smiling and playing with their friends without any worries about what other people think about them. The idea does not even cross their minds that they look ridiculous until they grow up and their parents start telling them that they must not walk outside looking like that, that they will embarrass themselves or the rest of the family, etc. Children are conditioned to start worrying about how they look and to regard other people’s opinion more than their own. Therefore, you see, what we call high self-esteem is actually nothing but a natural state of mind. We are all born with it.

Newborns come into this world believing that they are the center of it, because they really are the center of their own world. Then social conditioning kicks in, and they learn that the world is full of other people and that they are no better than anyone else. They are told not to consider only themselves, and since they are told this so many times, they end up putting themselves last; hence, their natural self-esteem is worn down day by day.

If your self-esteem is affected by the opinions of others, even in the slightest, it is because you have accepted the idea that your self-worth is open for reevaluation depending on how useful and important you are to other people — how useful you are to society. When other people demonstrate that they appreciate you and your contribution to the world, they will respect, encourage, celebrate, and promote you, and you have been raised to identify that treatment as a sign of being valuable. However, that is not self-esteem; that is gratification from others.

To allow other people’s opinion of you to affect how important you think you are may be normal, but normal does not equal good. Consider, for example, that it is not normal for a male to have many females, it is not normal for a male to have attractive females, and it is definitely not normal for a male to have many attractive females. What male really wants to be normal?

The only way to increase your self-esteem to its maximum and to keep it high permanently is to adopt a different mental approach. Rather than seeking acceptance from other people, you should seek it from yourself. Trust your own opinion of yourself more than that of others or learn not to rely on anyone’s opinion but your own. Decide to accept yourself unconditionally.

This does not mean you should stop improving yourself, but it does mean you should stop feeling bad about who you are in the meantime and stop comparing yourself to others: It is not about being better than other people; it is about being as good as you can be, period. No external comparisons are necessary. You are who you are. Accept it.

Unconditional acceptance is far better than constant evaluation because you will experience failures every now and then (it is how you learn and grow), and there is always someone who will be better than you are at something, which means that your self-esteem would fluctuate all too easily if you compared yourself to others. Your self-esteem should always be at its maximum, untouchable by other people and unshaken by events in the outside world. It should not fluctuate at all, which is how it was before you were socialized to think differently.

When you accept yourself as you are, you will be less prone to jealousy, worry, blame, guilt, regret, lies, insults, and even compliments. Thus, you will appear more certain (you will be more confident). For example, hearing compliments or insults from somebody else will not make any difference if you know yourself or trust your own opinion the most. So when you notice someone who reacts strongly to other people’s remarks, even compliments, they are nonconsciously admitting their lack of confidence and self-esteem.

This is typical for women, who tend to lack both. They are easily affected by other people’s opinions about them. Even if a complete stranger gives them a negative remark, they dwell on it for days or start to argue and defend themselves rather than ignore it. They are also thrilled to hear how lovely they look every single day.

You should be the exact opposite because it is masculine never to express your vulnerabilities. You should be indifferent, although that doesn’t mean being impolite or a pushover: You should still thank others for giving you compliments and deal with those who insult you.

Besides being the simple thing to do, there are more benefits of accepting yourself unconditionally. Once you get a girl without having relied on any external value for your attractiveness, you also know for sure that she really likes you and that she will be yours for as long as you want her to be, as long as you do not change. You do not have to hide the fact that you lost your job, your car broke down, or that you are still living with your parents. Your relationship will be less stressful and more honest, which is healthy.

The only problem is that children are conditioned to avoid “inappropriate” behavior, including acting more important than others without having earned that right, by feelings of shame.

Shameless

Shame is a painful emotion; it is when you feel bad about yourself as a person. However, it comes from a violation of cultural or social values, not from breaking your internal values or even external laws. It is one aspect of socialization that exists in all societies all over the world. It is used to repress all kinds of undesirable behavior and to preserve social cohesion in the community by rejecting members who deviate from the group until they agree to conform.

How easily you become ashamed and embarrassed is directly linked to your level of self-esteem, since shame is figuratively (and sometimes literally) about covering yourself. The higher your self-esteem is, the less embarrassed you allow yourself to be. You will only be embarrassed over something if you care more about what other people think of you than you think of yourself, especially if others discover something that you “ought to be ashamed of.” You would only care about that unwritten list of behaviors that are deemed socially unacceptable if your self-esteem is low to begin with because other people have passed this list on to you too. You were not born with it.

Children are not naturally embarrassed over anything. They run around naked outdoors if they feel like it, they will lie straight to their parents’ faces about who ate all the chocolate while their face is still covered with it, and they will take someone else’s toy in the sandbox without asking for permission and without worrying if someone sees them doing it. Children do not care about any of that, at least not until they have been told to be ashamed of themselves, to go into their room and feel bad for a while, to go to bed without dinner, and to promise never to do anything like that to upset their parents again. Children are taught the basic rules of society this way (such as to not lie or steal), which is a good thing, but they are motivated to follow those rules because they will feel bad if they do not, rather than because not following them would cause social disruptions. Once we become adults, we understand the more complex reasons for having these rules, but the conditioned response of a strong uncomfortable emotion still prevails among many grownups.

Adults who tend to be easily embarrassed often rationalize that they are better people because of it, but you are not more respectable, polite, and well-mannered if you are easily ashamed. You are only more brainwashed, and that is the only thing that is truly embarrassing.

Sex is still taboo in many parts of the world, even though we all know it is the very reason we exist. We obviously would not be here if our ancestors had not had sex with each other. Your parents had sex with each other, and your grandparents had sex too. It is a scary thought, I know, and something no one likes to talk about. However, when you grow up in an environment in which people intentionally avoid such a central subject, then it starts becoming a social problem.

Traditional socialization has always made sex taboo, so although everyone has natural sexual desires, they are often covered up as if it would be a big deal for others to know. In most social settings, talking about sex is considered embarrassing, and even thinking about it is shameful.

Few families talk about sex in a relaxed manner around the dinner table, and most do not talk about it at all — despite a family being the result of sex. Children are told they were brought into the world by a stork if they ask where they come from, and while being allowed to watch people get hurt or even die on TV, their parents change the channel if there is anything sexual in a television show. Many adults never talk about sex as if they have no interest in it and nothing to say about it, unless they have been drinking and then it all of a sudden can dominate an entire evening’s discussion. Many religions still preach that sex is bad for you, at least before you have married, and legislators have imposed age restrictions on both the access of sexual material as well as the real practice of sex itself. These restrictions are enforced by incarceration, which forces people to hide their natural sexual desires and hence be ashamed of them.

All forms of shame are indicators of your low self-esteem, which is why you have to get over them. However, it really becomes a problem when you are ashamed of your sexual desires, since you have to reveal to women that you find them sexy and that you want to have sex with them to seduce them. Otherwise, you will end up with a female friend, not a girlfriend, because sex is what separates the two kinds of relationships.

Many males believe there are insurmountable sexual differences between males and females, but while there are some sexual differences, they are not significant enough to matter for our purposes. Social differences, however, create the illusion that there are big biological differences: When females are more prone to avoid the subject of sex than males (as they are pressured to do so), society adopts the idea that females are less interested in sex, and almost all males who are unsuccessful with women believe this is the case.

That women are supposedly less interested in sex is often communicated indirectly by insinuations, phrased in terms of males being more interested in sex, if not completely obsessed about it. And when females are pressured to avoid responsibility for sex and are taught to feign disinterest and play hard to get, they inevitably create the impression that they are less sexual, that their sexual desires are lower, and that their sexual fantasies are less frequent than those of males.

Nevertheless, females are not less interested in sex than males are; they are just more cautious and more concerned about appearing cautious, even if that includes downplaying their sexual interest, rounding down the number of sexual partners they have had, or lying about how often they think about sex when asked in surveys. Their sexual drive is equal to that of males and may even seem higher when it is unleashed after having been suppressed, something that men who are good with women happily discovered long ago.

This is essential to understand because you will not be successful with women if you hide your sexual interest in them, if you are unable to make them feel sexy, and if you are unable to arouse them sexually — things you will have a hard time doing if you believe that sex is not something women want or if you are ashamed of your sexual desires.

Any shame you feel indicates that you consider other people’s opinion more important than your own and has to be dealt with, and if it is evident in sexual circumstances you have to deal with it as soon as possible. If you check women out but look away when they notice you doing it, if your face turns red whenever sex comes up, if you’d rather walk around than straight through the lingerie section, if you leave the room or lower your voice when your girlfriend calls you, or if buying condoms takes more effort than buying anything else, you have to get over it. And the only way to do that is to challenge rather than avoid those kinds of uncomfortable situations. For starters, you should read this book in a public place, such as on the bus to school, on the subway to work, or at the café you go to on the weekends, if that is what you would normally do but somehow decided not to this time. If you always read books in the privacy of your own home, make an exception this time and go out to read.

Challenge yourself! No one else will do it for you.

You have to become shameless so that you are able to do whatever you want to do, whatever needs to be done, even if some people generally would avoid it and label it as embarrassing. If they want to make themselves feel bad, fine. Let them have it. Some people actually do feel embarrassed about what other people do; that is how strong the effects of social conditioning can be, but this only proves that some of our feelings have nothing to do with our own experience.

Shame and pride are on opposite sides of the same spectrum, and proud of yourself is something that you should be. But never boast and brag about yourself because that means that you are still concerned with what other people think of you and still consider their opinion more highly than your own (you are submissive). Let go of such ideas, and if others let you know that you ought to be ashamed of anything, do not yield to their reality. Be confident!

Unyielding

To be dominant means to have an unyielding personality, to have personal integrity. To be stubborn, but with a smile on your face and without arguing. People will notice this when you are less reluctant to give in to their wishes and when you never sacrifice your convictions for the opinions or wishes of others.

While personal development and growth are both admirable and desirable, most males feel the need to change themselves for women, but you should never have to change your true self for women to get them. If you do, it is not really you that is getting girls, but some alternate persona.

The only situation in which it may seem appropriate to pretend to be someone you are not is if you believe you are unattractive to women and normally act that way. It may appear that you have to pretend to be someone you are not to be confident, charming, and responsible, but one of my main points in this book is to show you that you were once attractive to women, and you would have stayed that way had it not been for your socialization. If you are unsuccessful with women, it is not because you are being yourself, but the opposite.

To have an unyielding personality includes being able to say “no” to women when they ask you for something that you only would consider to agree to because a pretty face is asking, and you would never allow yourself to be persuaded otherwise. This includes being dragged up on stage to sing or dance if you do not feel like it. It also includes refusing to be treated as a home improvement project by your girlfriends.

Some females like to see their male as an incomplete human being, and they try hard to change him into what they honestly do believe is better, only to find that once they have gotten their way they are puzzled because they are no longer attracted to him. At first, it does not appear to make sense. They should like him even more after all of the changes, yet they find that they do not and neither do they have any idea why that is. Even more puzzled is the male in the relationship who has given up all his hobbies, mates, habits, and opinions just as she asked, only to find himself single again “despite” all the sacrifices he made for the female.

This phenomenon is only a phenomenon if you do not understand that the male’s unyielding personality turned out to be not so unyielding after all. He did not become less attractive despite his sacrifices, but because of them. He was obviously not as sure of himself as she first thought; he was not very confident after all since he changed himself so much.

Men who are good with women do not change themselves for women; they never even consider it, and they certainly do not fear losing women, as it is not confident to worry about things. Not only do they expect to get away with their selfish and shameless behavior, but they also expect women to yield to them as they are unyielding themselves. Basically, they are optimistic.

OPTIMISTIC

To be optimistic means to have positive expectations, and your expectations are your mental predisposition of how you will handle uncertainty. It is about whether you believe the future will unfold in your favor or not, and to be confident with women, it is best to adopt positive expectations whenever you interact with them.

All men who are successful with women have such positive expectations, or at least they act like they do. But most males are pessimistic when it comes to women and thus have negative expectations, sometimes even assuming the worst. They overreact and immediately think that they have been stood up if a woman has not arrived exactly on time for a date, and they quickly become jealous if she as much as mentions other males. However, the worst males never get that far. As soon as they lay their eyes on a woman, they assume she has a boyfriend already, that he must be better than they are, that she would never be interested in them, that she would even be upset if they approached her, and that they will fail, so there is no point in even trying. If they do try, their low expectations become known by the way that they present themselves. They might say, “You wouldn’t want to go on a date with me, would you?” This would make it very clear that they do not expect her to accept, which she of course doesn’t, as she is not attracted to a male with so little confidence if she has better options.

But the real problem with this pessimistic attitude is that all expectations are self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe things will not go your way, perhaps even that you will bother women when you approach them, things probably won’t go your way, and you probably will bother women, if you allow that lack of confidence to show. But if you do not believe you will bother women, if you believe that women will be glad to meet you, they probably will be glad to meet you since being approached by a confident male is the biggest compliment a woman can receive, even if she is uninterested for other reasons.

When your confidence is low, it is normal to worry about the outcome and to try to anticipate what will happen, how a woman will react, and how she will respond. Your brain attempts to reduce the uncertainty of the situation, even if it requires irrational delusion. When your self-esteem is really low, it tends to show itself through a remarkable obsession of worrying about what other people think of you. You will be inclined to try to read other people’s minds, both of the women you are interested in and of people who are nearby.

No one can predict the future accurately and consistently, and that includes you, so stop trying to figure out how a woman and others will react, and instead find out for sure. Pay attention to what women actually do, not what you believe they will do. Your fears are still only in your imagination, regardless of how vivid or likely they seem. You have to be rational and see things for what they really are. You will never know exactly what is going to happen, but you do not have to, so avoid fretting about the outcome. So far, you have been able to handle every challenge life has presented to you, both in expected and unexpected situations, and I can promise you that you will be able to handle whatever happens today and tomorrow, too. This is what true confidence is all about. It is not about feeling certain, it is about dealing with uncertainty. Worry plays no part in that.

If you could read other people’s mind, you would probably be disappointed because the sad reality is that people do not think that much about you. They are too busy thinking about themselves, worrying about what other people are thinking about them. While you are worrying about what other people are thinking of you, they are worrying about what you are thinking of them. You are all self-conscious.

Self-Conscious

Women are often self-conscious because they know physical looks are important for a female to be attractive, but it does not matter that much for their attractiveness to males, as their internal state does not affect their bodies significantly. However, being self-conscious is something you have to avoid at all costs as a male.

Unfortunately, the worst mistake that you can make when you attempt to improve your confidence is to become more self-conscious, but it is also the most common mistake. You become acutely aware of all of your actions, no matter how small or insignificant, which in turn hinders your ability to perform anything that is more complex, such as engaging in more than one thing at once. You “choke,” or your mind goes blank because you are thinking too much, which causes your conscious mind to interfere with your nonconscious mind, which runs most of your life quite adequately without interference.

Real confidence calls for the complete opposite of self-consciousness; if you can tolerate uncertainty, you will not focus on yourself at all. Instead, you will lose yourself in the moment. You will not worry about other people and how they perceive you or be nervous about making mistakes. You will trust yourself enough and require no more guarantees than that.

The practice of living in the moment while being aware of reality is a good and natural state of mind, but being self-conscious, living inside your own head while being excessively conscious of your appearance or manner, is a bad and unnatural side effect of your socialization. It is the result of having heard too many comments that you should “think about what other people would think of you” and having seen your own face too many times in manmade mirrors.

As with all habits, the way to stop this bad behavior is to replace it with something else, preferably something positive. Instead of thinking about what other people will think of you, start thinking about what you will think of yourself. Your own opinion of yourself should be far more important than others’ opinion of you, and no one besides you decides if it is.

Your mind can only be focused on one thing at the time. The implication of this is that while you are worrying, regardless of what it may be about, you are busy inside your head instead of taking care of reality. You cannot both worry and expect yourself to think about what you should be doing. You have to choose one or the other.

Once your mind shifts from concern about what other people think of you to only concern about what you think of yourself, you are free to focus on something else instead, preferably the woman you are interested in.

The internal dialogue of an unattractive male, however, tends to go like this, “but… what if… maybe she… I do not know… she is probably… I think that she… I know what will happen already… if I do that she will…” and other self-doubting phrases.

As soon as you notice that your thinking process resembles this pattern, tell yourself to shut up, focus on the woman, and then take action before your thinking turns obsessive.

Pessimism might help keep you from ever being disappointed, but it is not a successful attitude with women. This is why it is much better to expect positive outcomes instead by assuming the best while still being realistic and then acting on those expectations. The point is not to delude yourself, only to point yourself in the proper direction, which is why your assumptions should still be realistic. For instance, to assume that women will like you a lot as long as you approach them like a man is a realistic assumption, but to assume that women will like you so much that you do not have to do anything and can just wait to be approached like a woman is not.

Since appearances matter so greatly with regard to your attitudes (that is, it is more important to appear certain than it is to actually be certain), it is actually not necessary to have positive expectations, as long as you at least always act like you do. Your attitude will catch up quickly, but in case it needs some time to do so you should assume that women will react well when you approach them and that they become horny as hell by the way you treat them.

Even more positive expectations like these are already embedded into the behavior and actions that I describe throughout the book, but you should be aware of the concept and both act as well as react accordingly. For example, if a woman tells you that she wants to meet you again, you must not act surprised to hear it as if you were expecting her to turn you down. That will only make her suspicious and doubtful about whether she made the right choice.

However, your genuine reactions will be based on your mindset, and until you have internalized a more attractive attitude, you may have to control yourself and act like you have positive expectations, even while you may still doubt yourself. This includes focusing on the most attractive females from day one, the ones you really want, as if you can indeed get them. But you do not need status or anything else to act this important; you are important to yourself, and you do not need to earn women, you are entitled to them by birth. Hence, you are free to flirt with any woman you want.

To those still stuck in the mindset that women need to be earned, however, you will seem ambitious when you simply approach the most attractive women directly.

Ambitious

To appear ambitious is the inevitable result of being confident with women as seen from the traditional mindset, but it is also necessary to be charming, something we will return to later. Occasionally, you will even hear women say that they like ambitious males, but males who hear this tend to do so through the filter of their socialization. They believe it is at work they need to be ambitious, to have a strong desire for success in society by wanting power, status, or wealth, while all that women really want is for males to be ambitious with females — to be confident, dominant, and optimistic and thus to have high standards for what women they approach — to refuse to settle.

Males who are unsuccessful with women, as usual, do the opposite. They simply settle for less attractive females. It is a typical and inevitable result of males’ socialization when they feel that they do not deserve any female at all or at least not the most attractive ones.

While some males settle for anyone they can get, the majority simply lower their standards until their requirements are low enough to restore their confidence, when they believe that they are good enough. Many males believe they have no chance at the most attractive females, but they feel certain enough to approach less attractive ones. Thus, they might not have any problems at all getting girlfriends, but their girlfriends are never especially attractive and never really the women they dream about spending their time with because they have lowered their standards.

But if you have problems getting girls, it is never caused by flirting with women “out of your league;” that simply cannot be the case since there are no “leagues” in the first place. You have to let go of all ideas about competing for and trying to earn women. If you are not getting the women you want, it is because your mindset and its resulting manners make you unattractive. Lowering your standards will only lead to one of two results: You will either continue to be rejected, but this time by unattractive females, or you will happen to get a female since you at least have not given up, but she will be ugly. You lose either way, and that is far from ideal. Rejection by attractive females has to feel a lot better than rejection by unattractive females, and when you do get the girl, it better be someone you actually are attracted to.

If you need more time and experience to be better with women, then be honest with yourself and admit it, but make sure you get the practice you need with high-quality women, and nothing else, especially women whose looks are so stunning that you feel intimidated by them. Your natural response will seem to be to shy away and lower your standards, but that response is actually not natural at all. It is a nurtured response. You should never, ever settle and lower your standards, because when you do, you actually make your life harder.

Now, few males are ambitious with women, even though many can be extremely ambitious in other areas of their life, like school, work, or sports — because they believe they have to earn women, and if they have not they feel inadequate and, therefore, behave without confidence.

Inadequate

Even if a male only wants a woman because he likes her as a person, chances are he believes that is not a good enough reason for him to get her. He believes he has nothing to offer her, as if he himself is not good enough, even though the woman alone is good enough for him and he would be more than happy to end up with her. Not only does he not care if she is wearing expensive clothes with the trendiest brands, but he would also be more than happy to have her even without any clothes at all.

Such beliefs are unfortunately normal because most males are raised to accept them. Hence, they feel (or act) inadequate, not good enough for and unworthy of women. Since the idea of the need to earn women is deeply engrained in our society, it is normal to accept it without questioning it. Rather than challenging why they are not good enough alone, or if they really have to be, males accept it and seek out ways to become more valuable in the eyes of females. They try to become funnier, “wine and dine” a woman, study for years to get a degree, buy a car or a house, work extra hours to afford a suit or watch of a classier brand, or learn magic tricks to be entertaining etc.

Since most males also believe they have to feel certain on the inside to be confident with women and because most of them believe that women want plenty of things that they do not have, they are likely to lack confidence around women and feel inadequate to get them. Meanwhile, they will prioritize success in society to feel certain that a female would be interested in them, and they will postpone the pursuit of women until they feel worthy, expecting that there will be such a day.

Nevertheless, the real issue is actually not that males feel inadequate for women; it is actually that they believe there is something that is good enough. Believing they have to earn women in the first place is the real issue, because you don’t.

If this sounds like you, you have to change the way you think, as these underlying beliefs (this mindset) will be noticeable in your behavior (your manners). Drop the notion of having to earn women. It is fine to earn material things, but women are not objects, so it would be wrong to treat them as such.

The next time you catch yourself thinking that you do not deserve a woman; remind yourself that you are absolutely right, but you are right because you do not have to deserve them. You still have to seduce them, but that requires time spent directly with them, not long hours at the office or trying to save the planet to prove yourself. Women are lovely, but they are still human beings, not divine goddesses that require offerings, sacrifices, entertainment, or gifts from you, so you have to treat them in a realistic fashion.

However, males who feel inadequate do several other things around women in an attempt to compensate for their inadequacy. You have to be aware of this and similar behaviors, even if you think highly of yourself and do not believe you have to earn women, so that you do not turn women off. These behaviors are common among adult males and taught to all children, in particular as part of the process of creating “good boys.” However, the so-called good manners that most mothers raise their sons to adopt insofar as how to treat females have more to do with how a mother wants her son to treat her, as she is the primary female in her boy’s life. She does not want her son to have a sexual relationship with her, but instead wants him to respect her above all else, to seek her approval, to be polite, to apologize, to explain his behavior, adapt to her commands, follow her lead, and do as he is told. This submissive behavior is the behavior a mother wants her son to exhibit when he interacts with her, but it is the opposite of the behavior that is sexually attractive to women who are naturally attracted to men, not boys. Thus, when boys grow up and apply these “good manners” with the women they want to have a sexual relationship with, those women are repulsed. Since they still enjoy being spoiled, however, they do not mind keeping the grown “boys” around, although “just as friends.”

Seek Approval

To seek approval means to look to others for acceptance and informal permission for one’s beliefs and behaviors. It is the kind of manners that are taught as polite and proper to all children. It is the way that we are raised, and it is both natural and essential to actually get the approval from adults as young children since we rely on them for our survival and well-being.

However, this is not a strategy that will get you very far in life once you become an adult yourself because it means that you are considering other people’s opinion more important than your own, leaving you vulnerable to the whims of other people and without trust in yourself (making you emotional, not confident). Childlike manners only make females more attractive as adults, since youthfulness and vulnerability are both feminine, but females are repulsed by grown males who still have it.

Now, other people’s approval is wonderful to have, but we behave dramatically differently when we need approval as opposed to when we merely want it. When you just want it, you will be able to enjoy it when you get it and it will not matter to you when you do not get it, but it will taint your behavior if you really need it.

Males who feel unworthy, or like they have to prove they are worthy to women, tend to seek women’s approval by eliciting specific childlike behavior the same way a young boy would seek his mother’s approval. It is common for males to adapt themselves to better fit what they believe a woman wants, to be more like her or whatever she claims that she wants, in an attempt to gain her acceptance. They become more cautious with their choice of words around a woman, they try to avoid disagreements by adapting to her ideas, they hide their own interests and pick up her hobbies or at least feign an interest in them, they never speak their own mind, and they often clam up while their minds go blank out of fear of saying anything “wrong” — as if women were attracted to women.

Then, at the first sign of disagreement or disapproval, they feel compelled to explain themselves.

Explain

Those who feel the need for other people’s approval usually volunteer explanations for their actions or appearance. They have the urge to let everyone else know why they did what they did or what they really meant when they said what they said.

However, this urge is really a manifestation of feelings of uncertainty and unimportance, which is why a male should never spend time explaining himself to a woman. All such urges are about making sure a woman is okay with a male’s actions because he fears what will happen if she does not approve, as if she is the dominant individual. He lacks tolerance of uncertainty, which is what confidence is all about, and makes it apparent.

If this applies to you, understand the following: You are not being nice, respectful, or polite by seeking a woman’s approval. You are treating her like she is your mother. You are sabotaging yourself, and the real reason you do it is because you are afraid of what might happen if you do not. You lack confidence and probably do not have very high thoughts about yourself. Even if you disagree, that is how women will nonconsciously perceive you, and unless she is your mother, no woman will appreciate such behavior. Only your mother will applaud you and encourage you to continue down the wrong path, perhaps even advise you to increase your futile efforts.

There is absolutely no room to explain yourself when you are flirting with women — neither before nor after you make an advance. If you explain yourself before you are about to make a move, you risk ruining your chances, and if you do it after you make a move, you risk ruining the success you might have already achieved.

As confident behavior appears like certainty to other people, regardless of how sure of yourself you really are, you reveal your internal insecurities if you start to explain yourself. A good rule to follow is that it is always better to ask for forgiveness afterwards than for permission before. Even so, you should not apologize more than once a month. Males who try to seek women’s approval tend to apologize a lot more often than they should.

Apologize

Women sometimes pretend to be upset or offended when you flirt ferociously with them, either to save face or to test if you really mean what you say. Hence, it is vital to stand your ground and never apologize, explain yourself, or take anything back because that would make you less attractive. You have to be unapologetic in general, as you are not unyielding otherwise.

Only if you seriously mess up and say or do something utterly stupid should you sincerely apologize for it, but if you are apologizing to the same woman more than once a month, something is wrong with you. You are saying or doing too many foolish things. Or you were raised to believe your lack of confidence and understanding of women makes you polite and that it is more important to be polite to women than to be successful with them.

However, being unapologetic does not mean offending people intentionally just to show them that you can. That would still seem like you care about other people’s opinion, which is the real issue, but in a different way. When you deep down do not care about other people’s opinion, you do not talk about it. Too many people still care enough to go around screaming that they do not care about what other people think of them. If they truly did not care, they would not bother to say it aloud.

This is all part of the attitude that rock stars have. They do and say whatever they want, including trashing hotel rooms and smashing instruments on stage regardless of what anyone else thinks about it. But you do not have to be a rock star to get laid like one; you do not even have to be able to play an instrument to get girls.

Nevertheless, while unsuccessful males are quick to apologize to women, they usually do not demand an apology when women step out of line. Instead, they pamper them.

Pamper

Males who are unsuccessful with women tend to tolerate a lot of bad behavior if it comes from a female, particularly the more attractive she is and the more interested in her they are. They pamper women when they have behaved unacceptably and let them get away with all kinds of behavior that they would never tolerate from someone they had no romantic interest in.

They usually do this because they are “nice guys” who lack self-respect and have weird beliefs about what it means to respect women. They believe they are treating a woman well when they are just allowing her to treat them badly. It is a topic we will return to later, but for now, let us just say that you have to allow yourself to get mad at a woman you date if she deserves it. Although it is rarely necessary to scold a woman, a woman can sense whether you would be capable of scolding her or not.

If a woman does behave badly and deserves to be put in her place, you have to do so and not treat her differently only because she is beautiful. However, you must not get angry, as it is not masculine to be led by one’s weak emotions, certainly not when they are stirred by a female. Instead, state your boundaries clearly, let your woman know that she stepped out of line, and that she must never do it again — while still remaining calm so your behavior is not threatening, only serious. It is often only necessary to be stern once, so the woman knows you mean business and really mean what you say. But do not scold women for no reason in an attempt to demonstrate that you regard yourself higher than you regard them — that will only cause more problems than it solves; you will seem to lack confidence if you try to put down others to raise yourself, and you will seem to lack charm if your intent is to make others feel bad.

To make women feel attractive, a charming man will never treat women in any way they could misinterpret as their not being attractive, including making a joke at their expense. If you approach them with a lot of confidence, they will value your opinion too much, and such remarks will hurt their feelings deeply, and that is far from charming. Your goal is to make women feel really good about themselves without making them feel they are better than you are, but there is never a need to put women down to achieve this.

Qualify

To qualify yourself means to attempt to prove that you are indeed worthy and good enough. This is better than acting as if you are unequal to women, but the problem is still that your behavior comes from the perspective of feeling obligated to prove yourself — which you would not bother to do if you were their equal or if you were dominant.

All males who believe they need to earn women are inevitably inclined to qualify themselves by either consciously or nonconsciously bringing up how long they have studied, how much money they make, what car they drive, what a nice area they live in, what they have achieved, how much alcohol they can drink, or what gadgets they have etc. The problem is not that they talk about themselves but how they do it. What they fail to realize is what happens whenever you try to qualify yourself. As soon as you do, you communicate that you are inadequate by yourself or that you feel inferior and must prove yourself to someone more important than yourself. This is instantly communicated by a male who cannot bring himself to start a conversation with a woman in a bar without offering to buy her a drink first, but it more commonly seeps out during regular conversations.

Many males think they are clever and believe they demonstrate how much of a catch they are when they boast and brag to women, but they are only shooting themselves in the foot because if you really are attractive, you will not try to create attraction. However, most males do not just try to qualify themselves; they go a step further and try to impress women in all the various ways you can try to impress someone.

Impress

Starting in early adolescence, males compete over the prettiest girls’ attention and try to impress them, usually by showing off. They engage in behavior such as riding their bike on the back wheel, fighting each other, or doing their best to score a goal when the girls are watching. This same behavior continues into adulthood, with more and more advanced attempts in bigger and bigger arenas.

However, a man would not bother because there is no need for him to impress women since he is equal to them.

This does not mean that you cannot say impressive things to women. It only means that information should come out unintentionally or as a natural part of the conversation when the topic comes up, rather than blurted out with odd timing. If you are a doctor, for instance, it makes sense to say so if a woman asks you what you do for a living, but if you just say it out of the blue, or if you ask her what she works with to create an excuse to mention your own job, she will sense that you are trying to impress her, as if you are not good enough otherwise and are submissively looking up to her.

You should never try to impress a woman you want. The paradox is that this will actually be a bit impressive to women, as they rarely meet males who are deeply interested in them but do not try hard to impress them. Most males boast and brag about themselves in an attempt to impress women and to prove themselves worthy. Any male who avoids making that mistake will be much better off. However, it is easier said than done for those who really feel they are less valuable than women, especially those who feel so worthless that they are willing to sacrifice themselves for a woman or, worse still, for any female who pays attention to them.

Sacrifice

A willingness to do and put up with anything for women may look charming on paper, but the only people who are willing to sacrifice themselves are those who have nothing of value to lose, and those who are willing to be led by someone else are submissive.

That is not the type of male that women want.

You may regard women highly and adore them as long as you think even better of yourself. You must never put them on a pedestal if it would cause them to look down on you, as it usually tends to do. Although women love to be admired and appreciated, they still want a man to look up to, not down upon, a man who deems himself important enough to deserve the best, including the best women. He would be insulting them otherwise, not honoring them.

Males who sacrifice themselves for females allow women to get on their nerves, to walk all over them, to push them around, and to take advantage of them. They accept verbal abuse, give up their hobbies, and cancel their plans according to the women’s whims, often voluntarily. They are so submissive that they will do anything, not because they love the woman so much, which is what they will tell the world, but because they love themselves so little. They have no self-respect.

A charming man shows women that he appreciates them a lot, but never at his own expense. He knows his boundaries and stands his ground at necessary times. He does so because he likes women and sometimes you have to give women what they want by not giving them what they ask for. However, do not tell women this outright, but keep this thought as a reminder of why throwing yourself under a bus for a woman to show her how much you care is a bad idea.

Compensate

Males who feel inadequate for women will feel an urge to compensate women for that perceived difference in value between themselves and the women. Since the invention of money, they have used it in attempts to qualify themselves, to demonstrate that they can be a good partner because they are good providers, to try to impress women, or to pay for their company with the hopes or expectations of getting sex in return. These actions are all in line with traditional socialization, which has fooled males into believing they have to earn women and as if women are not as interested in sex and hence must be compensated for the “trouble” of providing it.

Money is to most males what makeup is to most females — they feel they need it to be attractive to the opposite sex. The biggest difference is that makeup works to some extent for females, while money does not make a male more attractive unless he believes that it will. And for both makeup and money to be effective, they have to be applied properly; otherwise, both males and females are made less attractive. At the end of the day, though, the most attractive females do not need makeup, and the same goes for the most attractive males — they do not need money.

Few males realize why they are supposed to pay for females when dating. Why aren’t females supposed to pay for males, or why not split the tabs? Why are feminists who are outspokenly passionate about equal treatment, including equal pay, not adamant about equal expenses as well?

The expectation for males to pay for females’ company is something that we all learn very early on as part of all customs and traditions that belong to courtship, like paying for dinner and drinks when dating and purchasing the wedding ring and wedding ceremony. We are not born with these beliefs, but before boys reach adolescence they have already adopted them, and girls have learned them too, to the extent of going on dates without even bringing their wallets or clothes that have pockets.

It is true that money can be used as a symbol to demonstrate that you care for a woman, but if it is, it should be spent without the expectation of anything in return — and that is not how most males use money with women. Half of males know that they are treating all women like prostitutes, while the other half have not thought that far or even deny that they do — while still paying. Although they might never seek out a “real” prostitute, if they knew from the start which women they spend money on will never get into bed with them, they would cancel those dates and not spend a cent on them.

In that sense, most males treat the women they want like prostitutes to some degree, from young boys paying for the girl’s ice cream to adult males paying for their girlfriend’s share of the apartment rent. The fact is that few females mind this. The only difference between regular females and prostitutes is how indirect and vague the transaction must be for it to be acceptable. However, the majority of females would never call themselves prostitutes, not even part-time, and would take great offense if someone else did; yet at the same time they all worry about being “cheap.”

Females who worry about being cheap have obviously already made up their minds that they can indeed be bought, as long as the price is right and as long as the customer is a male they like. They are unaware of having made this decision themselves, though, because they never did. Their socialization made that decision for them. Plenty of prostitutes have the same requirements; they only have sex with a male they like and only for the right price. The biggest difference between them and all other females is that they are aware of the reality of their decision.

A prostitute is any female who has sex in exchange for compensation, even if she likes the male or has turned down a thousand males before him. The only practical difference between a regular female and a prostitute is whether cash is being exchanged directly. Exchanging money is a felony in most countries, but accepting a gift, or otherwise an indirect transaction, is not only legal but also socially acceptable. Giving of gifts is a practice that is even taught as good manners of a gentleman by mothers to sons.

Most males are raised with manners to give females flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or ice creams and dinner, but even though none of that is cash, all are compensation. However, you do not have to pay for sex, not with cash or by any other means of compensation, as the very idea that you have to compensate women in any way is wrong. It would only be necessary if males were indeed less valuable than females, which they are not, or if sex was a service females offer males, which it is not. Males are only less valuable to society, and that is why we are conditioned to believe and act like it, including indirectly by adopting customs and traditions based on that belief.

Society prospers if males believe they are of less worth because they will be willing to sacrifice themselves — to work, fight, and even die for the “greater good.” However, if males want to prosper, they cannot act as if females are more valuable than they are because women are not attracted to such males. Thus, you should only pay for women you want to have sex with, on dates and such, if you are able to do so without appearing to be compensating them for something. You do this by only paying for cheap and trivial things, without ever expecting anything else in return and without making a big deal out of it. Do this in much the same way you might pay for a friend’s drink and only expect another drink yourself when it is time for the second round. But the best strategy is simply not to pay for anything, especially if you are poor or dating many women.

However, you still want to avoid being seen as a cheap or rude bastard, as that is “uncharming,” and chances are that you will appear so if you do not pay for your date’s milkshake or if you invite a woman to dinner in a restaurant but then do not pay for her meal. This is quite easy to avoid, though; don’t put yourself in such situations. Use a different approach to meet women than offering them a drink, stop insisting on dates that cost money, and show that you care for your woman by the way that you treat her, how you look at her, what you say to her, how you hold her, etc., instead of by buying her things.

To spend a lot of money on women that you have not had sex with is also a bad idea for a range of other reasons. First, you risk making a woman feel uncomfortable, either by making her feel like she owes you something or by making her feel like a whore because you expect sex in return. Second, it costs too much, so it is not even possible to do this with every woman you want to have sex with unless you are rich. Third, it is a gamble, not an investment, as you are not guaranteed sex in return. Fourth, it makes you look inadequate if you appear to try to impress a woman with your wealth. Finally, it is unnecessary, as most women are not attracted to wealthy males, but masculine males.

Even if you are financially independent and never have to concern yourself with money, it is still best to wait to shower your woman with jewelry or pay her bills until after you have had sex with her so you have formed a sexual relationship already. To avoid attracting the wrong kind of women, the ones who are indeed gold diggers and who use their male’s wealth as if it were their own. Such women represent a tiny minority, however, but it will seem like all females are gold diggers if you approach them as if they are and start to spend money on them before you have had sex with them. Many females have noticed that they can take advantage of males who feel inadequate and try to buy their affection. With plenty of males buying them drinks in bars, paying their entrance fee to nightclubs, showering them with gifts, paying their bills, taking them shopping, or even traveling, they gladly accept with no intention of ever “paying” back by spreading their legs in gratitude because sex is not a favor females grant males.

Since having money will not improve your chances with women at all unless your confidence is linked to it, it would be smarter to spend a little time breaking that connection rather than spending even more time making more money. With the connection broken, you will have a lot of spare time to spend with women, and you will not be stuck in the hamster wheel of work for the rest of your life. Make money only for yourself, not for women, as the pursuit of money will severely slow down your progress with the ladies. Life is short, and your time is limited.

Money is a great invention, but how much money you make is correlated to how valuable society thinks you are, not how valuable you or women deem you to be. It should not be a factor in your self-esteem or affect your confidence.

While offering women value in the form of wealth is unnecessary, you do need to offer them genetic value in a form that has helped females survive and reproduce. You have to be masculine and behave confidently, but your confidence should be based on courage, not on certainty.

COURAGEOUS

As the popular misconception holds that confident people really are certain, the common approach to increasing one’s confidence is not to adopt the range of behaviors I have been describing in this chapter. Instead, most males attempt to increase their certainty, which means they try to acquire all the things they have been led to believe women want, like fame and fortune. When they finally do acquire these things, their chances and success with women do increase slightly, but it increases regardless of what they have acquired, as long as it is whatever they believed they were missing and it causes them to start taking proper action with women.

This is why there are so many males who preach about the significance of so many different things. They claim to have discovered the secret to getting girls, while the only thing these different men have in common is confidence. It does not matter that they may be deluding themselves or that what one man believes to be his key to success may actually contradict the belief of another man.

This explains the wide variety of methods and strategies that different men use and recommend. Some claim that their chiseled abs get them all the girls, some are convinced it is their downtown penthouse, some believe it is because they are handsome or funny, because they have a big penis, drive a sports car, make money, dress well, dance well, have a dog, or are a doctor. The only thing they have in common is that they believe they know what women want and they believe they have acquired it. That is the key; they possess so-called confidence, and with this inner conviction they give themselves permission to take action and start talking to women with the positive expectation of being attractive to them. This is why so many different approaches can work to some degree, including weird, lame, contradicting, and complex methods.

Males link their confidence to so many different things. They will tell you that their special trick matters because it does for them, but it would not have to matter at all if they were not convinced that it did.

A woman will not reject her prince, her Mr. Right, just because he does not drive an expensive car, and she will also never ditch her man just because he loses his ride unless his confidence disappears along with the vehicle. Those who manufacture and sell those cars will, however, do their best to make you believe that you cannot even get that kind of woman in the first place without their product.

However, if you feel lousy and not good enough because you lack something outside yourself, then the answer is not to acquire that thing. The solution is to get your act together and challenge the bad social conditioning that affects you. Your time alive is limited, so you must prioritize. If you spend more time working on your muscles, drinking with your mates, or fixing your apartment than you do approaching and flirting with women, then you are prioritizing the wrong things if it is women you truly want. Nothing other than the ideas in your head matters unless you make it matter to you: Whatever you believe is important will affect your confidence, and if you lack that thing you believe matters so much, women will notice your low confidence, and all of a sudden it becomes a real problem. Do not make it a problem!

Understand that you already have what it takes to go after all the women you want. It is just a matter of taking proper action, and taking action should be your number one priority, not chasing things you do not need.

Whenever you wonder if there is something you need to get girls, a good first step in the right direction is to consider if the matter you contemplate even existed long ago during “the age of cavemen.” If the answer is no, then it is likely you do not need it now either. That simple thought experiment does not rule out all that is unnecessary, but it instantly rules out money and cars, for instance. Once you do know how to seduce women all by yourself, feel free to decide on your own if there is anything else that you really want, like all of the things I just mentioned women do not require. By then you will know exactly what you want. You will know that many things you used to believe you needed you can do just fine or even better without. All of a sudden, you might think it is okay to take the bus to work, that dancing is not that interesting anymore, and drinking beer with your mates is not such an awesome way to spend your life.

This does not mean you should give up your entire life, however, but you ought to make sure you do whatever you do for yourself and not because you have been led to believe bullshit. If you enjoy working out and hitting the gym a couple of times a week, then keep on doing it for yourself, for all the health benefits, and for the joy of exercise, but do not do it because you want to impress women with your muscles or because you believe all women want a man with a flat stomach.

However, even if all men who are successful with women believe they have what women want, it does not mean that all males who believe they know what women want will therefore be successful with women. For instance, the typical “nice guys” who are so unsuccessful with women are convinced they know what women want, like exaggerated sensitivity and full-blown romance, but they still fail with women because the actions they take are ineffective.

Feeling certain is overrated if the feeling does not propel you into proper action. As confident people merely appear certain and certainty itself is irrelevant, a much better way to increase your confidence is to learn to tolerate uncertainty — to build courage. This means being able to cope with situations even when you lack certainty, a much more useful trait that can help you in all of life’s endeavors. Simply believing does not get you anywhere. You always have to take action, and as long as you are taking the right action, whether you believe it will work or not does not make a difference. Thinking cannot get you anywhere; action does. It is not the thought that counts.

If you consider confidence to be nothing but certainty, the way it is described in the dictionary, the only way to increase it would be to increase your certainty, to study and practice more. However, if you see confidence as the appearance of certainty based on an ability to tolerate uncertainty instead, you will find that there are two ways to increase your confidence. You can still study and practice, which would reduce the uncertainty that you would have to tolerate, but you can also increase your tolerance of uncertainty itself, so even if some uncertainty remains, you would not be bothered by it.

As uncertainties always remain and you cannot really be certain of much, this is the optimal approach.

More often than you think, the people you label as confident are not certain at all; they are merely able to tolerate uncertainty. If you accept that women only care about your appearance, your life will be easier because appearance is something totally under your control, unlike feelings. You can act certain to appear as though you are sure of yourself by walking and talking as if you are, regardless of what you think of yourself. People around you will believe you know what you are doing, though, as they cannot read your mind, and you will be perceived as more spontaneous, secure, relaxed, candid, direct, fearless, straightforward, unpredictable, adventurous, bold, brave, and interesting. Women often describe a man that they are attracted to in these terms without realizing that they are all byproducts of his confidence. This is why women find men who take risks sexy, but you do not have to be a firefighter, be a surfer, join the army, ride a skateboard, or ride a motorcycle to get girls.

Women love balls, but you do not have to risk your life to attract women, and I would advise that you not do so. Life is too short as it is. However, you do have to face your fears if you are afraid of things that are harmless. Many males are, and the ones least successful with women are even intimidated by women.

INTIMIDATED

All fears are related to uncertainty. When you are afraid of something, you either do not know what will happen next or you believe you do know what will happen but do not know how to handle it. The uncertainty causes anxiety within you to build, and you may even become paralyzed or panic.

Fears are actually a good thing; they keep us out of harm’s way by warning us so we have the chance to prepare or run away from the unknown — from what could be dangerous — which is why our socialization instills many fears in us; we are not born with any fears. For instance, we are taught to fear strangers and to fear failure through stories of the horrible experiences of others, without being introduced to the differences in each situation because we are unable to assess such situations when we are young. This has helped humankind survive for a long time, but occasionally it hurts us as individuals. It is no longer of any help to us when what we are afraid of is not dangerous at all.

A fear can be either rational or irrational depending on whether the situation really threatens our well-being. A few things in life are undoubtedly good to be afraid of, such as everything that endangers our survival, but women are not dangerous. They are neither deadly nor poisonous, so fearing them is irrational. Yet, it is common for males to feel intimidated by and anxious around women.

In fact, most males are afraid to approach a good-looking girl, but they live in denial of it by simply avoiding talking to such women and then rationalizing by lying to themselves and to anyone who brings it up. And many males are capable of risking their lives by going to war while serving the military, bashing through a burning house as a firefighter, and dealing with dangerous animals. Yet, they cannot bring themselves to walk up to a woman and flirt with her in front of other people. They cannot even maintain eye contact without shying away when they find themselves alone with a lovely looking lady in an elevator.

This type of fear is irrational since women are harmless; not only are females more vulnerable than males but aggressive behavior is not feminine either.

Nevertheless, few males actually understand how critical it is to deal with this irrational fear if they are ever going to end up with a woman they want. You absolutely have to deal with it, as women are not attracted to cowardly males because the more easily frightened a male is, the less confidence he has, the more vulnerable he appears, and thus the less attractive he is to females. It is obvious that he is not masculine and would therefore be unfit to protect her and her children better than she could on her own.

You should avoid showing any signs of fear when you are with a woman you are interested in, so it is definitely not a good idea to come across as a coward during your first interaction. If you were to freak out in front of a female because of a deadly animal, you might get some sympathy from a few females, but none of them can comprehend that women could frighten males the way that they do. It seems absurd because it is.

However absurd it may be, an irrational fear cannot be dealt with using rationality alone. No amount of reasoning, pondering, or hours of reliving childhood memories in therapy is going to do any good because the fear does not make sense to begin with. It is irrational, yet you will still feel afraid after realizing that you have no good reason to be afraid. You have to identify this fear as nonsense and then ignore it. Accept that you feel afraid, but go ahead and act anyway. It might not be easy, but it really is that simple, and in time, the anxiety you feel will vanish as your erroneous beliefs are proved wrong through real experience.

How much effort it takes to appear certain even when you are not depends on your internal ability to tolerate uncertainty, on how courageous you are.

All of us are able to tolerate uncertainty, but to different degrees. Some people do not even dare to ask a stranger for directions if they are lost, while some might be able to relocate abroad to take a new job among people they have never met before. Regardless of your level of tolerance, however, you can always increase it by deciding to challenge yourself every day, bit by bit. Do things that you have never done before. Take action even if you are afraid to do it. Stop worrying about the outcome or what other people think of you. Take more chances and seize the moment. Expand your comfort zone by exposing yourself to uncomfortable situations.

Comfort Zone

Your comfort zone is the imaginary boundary in your mind within which you feel safe and secure. It is a combination of beliefs about what you are capable of (what you feel certain about), and every time you attempt something you do not believe you can do, you feel varying degrees of discomfort and insecurity (you feel uncertain). You will have problems staying relaxed in mind and body; you will feel anxious and afraid; and you will start to worry.

But to expand your comfort zone, you have to step out of it as far as possible, as long as possible, and as often as possible. There is no easy way to do it, and the hard way is the only sure way to permanently increase your confidence.

However, having a large comfort zone in general does not necessarily mean that life will be easier when you deal with women, and if women make you uncomfortable or perhaps even intimidate you, then you must seek more face time with them despite your anxiety. Fortunately, since women are not dangerous, your actions do not really constitute taking a risk when you expand your comfort zone with them.

Those who are most uncomfortable in uncertain situations, those with the least courage, often like to state that some people are born this way and you cannot change who you are. There is some truth to that. It is just that some people are not born courageous, all of us are, and you can change who you are; in fact, everyone who is not courageous anymore has obviously already changed.

We are all born with confidence that is based on a high tolerance for uncertainty rather than a high degree of certainty. Our natural confidence cannot be based on certainty since we have not acquired much of that at a young age. We are born as curious risk takers but part of our earliest social conditioning involves repressing this behavior. Both fears and doubt are instilled in us to ruin our confidence and make us more cautious. This is all done with the best of intentions, of course, so we do not kill ourselves while carelessly exploring the world before we understand how dangerous it really can be.

However, when we have grown up and can take care of ourselves there is no more need for that kind of help. We are smart enough to tell the difference between rational and irrational dangers and no longer have to err on the safe side and be afraid of everything that is unknown. Yet the way in which we were raised often left us with a strong fear of the unknown, a fear of anything unknown, a fear that stays with us even as adults and causes all kinds of problems.

If women intimidate you, then I know you would love to hear that there is an easy solution or at least something easier than facing your fears. But if you learn only one thing from this book, it should be that it is that very mindset, your lack of balls, that has kept you from having the women you want. You cannot keep doing the same thing repeatedly and expect a different result. That is either madness or stupidity.

Women dream of being swept off their feet by men, and you do that by approaching and interacting boldly with them. Because of your socialization, however, it will be uncomfortable at first. You will feel anxious or afraid, but that is a good sign! Those emotions are all signs that you are most likely doing or considering doing the right thing — something confident.

Obviously, your initial reaction will be to avoid all sorts of effort and discomfort. This is why introductions, personal ads, and online dating will always be popular. However, none of those popular approaches will ever be effective because women are attracted to males who are more likely to avoid such venues — men who have the balls to talk to women face to face.

Therefore, as long as you look for ways to make meeting women easier, to make yourself feel more comfortable, you still have work to do. You need to push through discomfort, not avoid it. The safer you think you play, the less you actually play at all.

Feelings like anxiety might have kept you from approaching women, and fear of rejection might have kept you from showing your intentions, but surely doing things that go against your feelings have not always stopped you in other areas of your life. You have probably had to speak in front of your class, mow the lawn, clean the house, pay your bills, file your taxes, get vaccinated, or even get up in the morning despite not feeling like it — several times. Doing things despite not feeling like it is part of living. The biggest difference in this case though is that the result of your “effort” will be a lot more enjoyable than getting a good grade in school or having a clean house. You will end up with something that actually matters to you.

Old males on their deathbeds with their reasoning still intact do not regret getting poor grades or wish they had spent more time cleaning the house; they regret not taking more chances, not seizing the day, and not enjoying themselves more, in particular with women.

The more times you face your fears, ignore your worries, and live through so-called embarrassing moments, the less power over you these learned emotions will have. They will gradually diminish. Eventually you will realize how ridiculous they are, and all those kinds of feelings will disappear altogether. Until then, you have to have faith in yourself. Whatever happens, happens. You will handle it. You really cannot be certain of much in life anyway, so being able to tolerate uncertainty will improve your life on all levels. This is the only way to permanently and truly become more attractive to women as courage is nothing but unconditional confidence, and it is the most valuable thing you can offer a woman’s genes.

Chapter Five

CHARM

The ability to make others feel good about themselves. To be popular, selective, and caring with women, and never act desperate around them.

Charm is not a distinct or concrete quality that can be observed on its own. It is merely a label for a range of behaviors that, combined, comprise your ability to make other people feel good about themselves and to make them smile. However, there is a difference between making others smile and making them laugh. Charming people are not necessarily funny.

When it comes to being a charming man around women, it is better to focus on making women smile rather than trying to make them laugh. Hence, there is no need to be funny all the time, as charm and humor are not the same thing. Although some humor can be used to make a woman smile, if you are not a born comedian, you should not spend any time trying to become funnier. If you do, you risk becoming an entertainer instead of a lover. And if you are a born comedian, you might want to tone it down when you are with women for the same reason. It is perfectly okay to be funny if you do so to entertain yourself, but it is not necessary to get girls, even though women still claim they want funny males.

Funny

You have probably heard females say that humor is the most important characteristic they look for in a male, and countless surveys — designed to reveal “what women want” — have been conducted reaching the same conclusion. Nevertheless, this is not the case.

Those studies (and the females, for that matter) have it all backward. Females are not attracted to funny males, but they find the males they already deem attractive to be funny. When you are fond of someone, you laugh more easily, even at foolish jokes that you normally would not respond to or statements that are not jokes to begin with. This creates the illusion that “I like him because he is funny,” when the reverse is really true: “I think he is funny because I like him.” Girls particularly tend to giggle a lot when they are close to a man they want because expressions of vulnerability (including anxiety and nervous laughter) embody feminine behavior.

This is another example of why you should never listen to dating advice from females or dating surveys, as they tend to confuse cause with effect. This is an easy mistake to make, but it can have a devastating consequence on your success if it makes you chase skills or qualities you do not need. Too often males focus on being funny around women, acting like clowns, telling jokes, and performing pranks, to make the woman they want laugh instead of making her feel any useful emotion, such as attractive or horny.

These are the emotions that you should try to evoke with the women you want, and you will know you are doing a good job of being charming when you always make women smile every time you meet them, even before you have said a word — as this means they have associated seeing you with positive emotions. This is why everyone loves people who are charming, as it literally feels good to be around them.

Charming people feel good about themselves as well, and they allow that emotion to be contagious by extending it to other people, showing their interest in them, and bringing out the best from everyone else. They steer conversations toward topics that they notice other people are interested in or by asking questions that require the recollection of good memories that instantly make them feel better. However, there is one thing in particular that makes women feel good about themselves: making them feel attractive. Thus, when it comes to seduction, being charming is about making a woman feel attractive, particularly making her feel that she is more attractive than other women — that she is special.

This is what being flirtatious is all about (which we will cover in Part III), but how well you are able to make a woman feel attractive depends on how attractive she thinks you are, not only to her but also to other women. A male who is interested in a woman will inevitably be able to flatter her more the more confident he is. For instance, a sincere compliment will always have a greater impact when given by someone who appears certain and important (someone who is confident), and especially if that someone is seen as popular and appears to be attractive to other women as well — a man who could be giving the compliment to someone else, yet did not.

POPULAR

A male does not need to be or appear popular in general to be successful with women. A large social network would only be necessary if your means of meeting women is through introductions or by coincidence, but those approaches waste too much time. However, the more popular a male appears to be among females, the more options among females he seems to have, the greater the potential he has to make women feel attractive if he puts all others aside for one woman.

Though a male does not need experience with or access to other females to get a girl, the appearance of it makes it easier to be more charming. Plenty of women are in relationships with men who are hated by the women’s female friends, but women still prefer a popular man, if given the choice.

This is why females find a male who is already with another female more interesting — including a male wearing a wedding ring — as that is a sign that he has options. It is not because the ring is a sign that the male is unafraid of commitment, which some people like to believe; it is because it is a symbol of another female’s commitment to him. This is also why females find a male already surrounded by females more attractive, and they might find a sudden new spark of interest in a male as soon as they find out that another girl is interested in him, even if they just broke up with him.

Males who are observant may have noticed that, while they were already in a relationship, while they had their wedding ring on, or while they were out on a date with a woman, other females seemed to be more interested all of a sudden. They might even have noticed other females looking their way. On the other hand, after breaking up and being single, the same males may have experienced a “dry spell,” with the appearance of not as many options and no female giving them a second glance.

When you consider this, it is less surprising that females sometimes say “all the good men are taken.” Of course it will appear that way, if being taken is part of their nonconscious definition of a good man.

The natural result of this is that males are, broadly speaking, found in one of two situations: They are either struggling with females or they have women in abundance. While our socialization is designed to make us believe that females are attracted to males who are successful in society, one might say that being successful is actually one part of being attractive to females: Females prefer males who are successful with females, but not necessarily successful with anything else.

Maybe you have even seen so-called “losers” who did not have much going for them according to the standards of society — no education, no career, and no future worth speaking of — yet somehow were successful with women. This sight is a common thorn in the eye of males who are much more successful in their careers than they are with women, and it is a scenario that parents with attractive daughters worry about, as they know it is not unlikely for their girl to end up with such a “failure” for a boyfriend.

So why is this? This is because a male who has options among several females yet chooses one particular female to be with is paying her a great compliment, in fact, the greatest compliment. From an evolutionary perspective, she will be more likely to survive and reproduce with a male who prefers her over other females. It is the biggest ego boost a female can get, and it makes her feel valuable, which is only another word for attractive. Women do not just want to feel attractive, they want to feel more attractive than other females.

Ironically, all females want to feel special. However, this is no different from the way all males want to feel special too, in that males desire a sexually carefree woman, except they only want her to be carefree with them and not with other males.

Many females will conclude that a male has options simply if he conveys enough masculine confidence, but men who really do have options behave much more differently from males who do not. The most obvious way to spot such a man would be to see him bringing along women wherever he goes, but that is far from practical and easier said than done if you have trouble meeting women to begin with. You could also dress up like a pimp, but luckily you do not have to do anything that ridiculous either.

Whether or not a man has options among women is, by other people’s standards, assumed evident by his manners in the same way his abilities are assumed evident by his confidence. For starters, he is happy, as happiness supposedly comes from already having what you want, and males want women.

Happy

A male struggling with women might think: “I would be happy if only I were getting laid!” And that is exactly the point. A male who appears to be happy, always in a good mood, relaxed, optimistic, and with a smile on his face, is actually showing signs of being successful with women.

But he also appears to be comfortable in whatever situation he is in, and since happiness is contagious like all other strong emotions, it is actually something other people enjoy being exposed to, and it quickly makes them feel comfortable in his presence. Thus, he seems more charming as they feel better.

This is why women say they love gay guys, yet complain that they are unattainable (for obvious reasons). Clearly, it would be foolish to pretend to be gay to get girls, yet some males try that.

Regardless of whether you actually are happy, you have to appear happy whenever you are around women that you want. You might have to force it for the first couple of minutes, but if you are talking to an attractive female you will usually forget your worries quite quickly, and then you will not have to force it anymore.

The number one sign of happiness is a constant, natural smile, and this is one reason why you should also be smiling a lot — not to mention that smiling is a sign that you are glad to see a woman and enjoy spending time with her. Besides that, all you need is a generally positive attitude (optimism) and to avoid talking about negative things for too long.

In the end, however, women prefer men who are popular, because such men can be selective, which is what women want — to feel special.

SELECTIVE

A selective man carefully chooses the women he spends his time with. This is accomplished by approaching the women you want without lowering your standards or accepting anything or anyone but the best.

To have high standards regarding the females you are interested in is important, and as counterintuitive as it may seem, a male’s chances of success actually increase with his standards. Like I mentioned previously, however, most males do the exact opposite and settle for less, which makes their lives even more difficult.

There are two reasons why refusing to settle is a good thing. First, males who believe they “deserve” the best and can actually get it, including the best females, obviously have confidence and self-esteem. They value themselves and deem themselves and their wishes most important; they have no willingness to compromise if it would mean getting a worse deal. Second, when such a male who believes he “deserves” the best and would not settle with anything less chooses a female to be with, he is making a grand statement about her value too. It makes her feel much more attractive and special, which is something all females want to feel.

Females actually want males to have high standards, but they also want to fit into those high standards so they can feel good about themselves. Even if a male does not approach the most attractive female (although he should), he should still tell the one he does approach that she is the most attractive one because that compliments her. If he were to reveal that he has no standards at all, or very low standards, it would be a real insult to the female he just approached. This is one reason women are repulsed by desperate males.

However, there is no need to make a woman qualify herself when you are talking to her unless you really do have some unwavering requirements that she must fulfill. Just let her know that you do have high standards, even mention what you are looking for in a woman, but also let her know that she has met your criteria already. You can gather cues by paying attention to what she tells you and then feed back to her the qualities you see in her as exactly what you are looking for, if you only want her for the night. But if you are looking for a long-term relationship, you might want to be more thorough, although it can still wait until after you have had sex to avoid ending up with a soul mate who cannot please you sexually.

A female who likes a male a lot may try to qualify herself or even to impress him. If that happens to you, you should just let her do so while getting yourself ready to make your next move, but you should not expect a woman to qualify herself and should never try to force her to do so. You have absolutely nothing to gain from playing hard to get, but you do have a lot to lose. You may lose some women who could easily have been yours, but felt bad because you treated them as not good enough for you, which is quite uncharming, or because you did not take things further when you had the chance to, which is irresponsible.

Although popularity in males is a good thing, too much of anything never is, and that includes having had or wanting to have too many females. A female will no longer feel special if she believes a male has been with or wants to be with too many females, because in that case he is no longer selective: If you have been or want to be with hundreds of females, no female is that special, even if they all were or are hot as hell.

While women may still be attracted to such men, they will have a much harder time trusting them, and if you are unable to make them comfortable, you will never get very far. This is why you have to be quick to downplay your interest in other women if a woman ever tells you that she believes you are a player or womanizer, unless you are looking for multiple relationships and want to be honest and open about it. If you do not quickly turn it around and frame it as other women are more interested in you than you are in them, you risk losing the woman you want as she no longer feels special, and she brought the issue up because she already suspects that she is not that special to you. The point is that women want a man many other women are interested in; they do not want a man who is interested in many other women.

Keeping these qualities in mind, simply by selecting and flirting with one woman in particular and maintaining eye contact with her, without being afraid to mention previous girlfriends or other women who want you occasionally, you are halfway there, but there is more that you can and should do to demonstrate that you care for that woman in particular.

CARING

A female’s primal instincts are not only concerned with finding a sexual partner who wants to have children with her or who will contribute traits that increase her children’s chances of survival, but she is also looking for a man who is devoted to her — someone who cares about her. She wants a man who will stick around after the insemination, protect her while she is pregnant, and then help her raise their offspring or support her while she does. The reason all of us exist today is that most of the females in the thousands of generations before us did find such a male, and this is why females are a lot more interested in marriage than males are.

Although it is possible for a female to take care of herself and her babies alone, it is definitely a lot harder to do than with the care and protection of someone else, even today. That is why a female’s natural need to be cared for exists to some degree, but also why our socialization is trying to increase it even further, including promoting the idea of marriage and everyday pseudo-prostitution.

Part of our socialization is intentionally designed to make males believe they need to care deeply, or at least act like they care deeply, for a female before they can have sex with her. Such conditioning defines the demonstration of this care as spending a lot of money on her, wining and dining her over time, courting her with gifts, and finally signing a legal binding contract to support her financially until death do you part. But females’ actual natural need to be cared for is not that strong.

Although you do have to care for women a bit, it is far from as much as their parents would claim is necessary and never more than you care for yourself. You do not actually have to care for a woman a lot, in absolute terms, to get her, as long as it is obvious that you care a lot more for her relative to other women without doing so at your own expense. It is unnecessary and even undesirable to act like a “nice guy” who sacrifices himself for a woman’s needs, but if you really do like someone, you usually want to treat them well.

However, this includes you, too.

Although a man has to be selfish and care about himself first as he would not be dominant otherwise, this does not exclude caring for his woman as well, the same way it does not exclude the possibility of being kind and helpful, but it does mean that a man must not care for a woman more than for, or before, himself. It is simply a matter of prioritizing. He comes first, his woman second, and everyone else follows, even if this means being called a jerk every once in a while.

When a man does put himself first, and especially when he does so without regard to what everyone around him thinks or expects, then he may come off as a jerk to many people, but only to unimportant people. For example, this might occur when he stops caring if the woman already has a boyfriend and approaches her anyway, or if he holds up the line in a grocery store because he is flirting with the woman behind the cash register. Other people will call him a jerk for doing so, but the women in question will not, and that is what matters.

You cannot please everyone, and if you can only please one person, it should be you. And if you can please one more, which is often the case, it should be the woman. The rest of society, including strangers, particularly those who call you a “jerk,” comes last.

Occasionally your confidence and charm will be put to the test by random circumstances in life. For instance, you might be on your way to a date with a new woman, and as the two of you step onto the bus, you notice that there is only one seat available. What would you do?

What should you do?

The typical “nice guy” would give the seat to the woman, and then put up with standing uncomfortably for the entire ride, thinking that his sacrifice demonstrates that he cares for her. He does not understand that, by doing this, he shows that he cares less about himself than he does about her. If this unconfident behavior turns out to be a habit of his, the woman will lose sexual interest in him.

The typical “jerk” would grab the seat for himself and then force the woman to stand uncomfortably for the entire ride, making it clear that he deems himself more important than her. This is a better move to make, except he does so at the expense of the woman, who will not feel very cared for. If this uncharming behavior turns out to be a habit of his, the woman will lose her interest in him as well.

The solution to this particular situation is a compromise: You should take the seat for yourself and tell your woman to sit in your lap, or grab her and place her there. Doing this would make the ride comfortable for both of you, while keeping your confidence as well as your charm intact, plus demonstrating some responsibility too. If this (confident, charming, and responsible) behavior turns out to be a habit of yours, the woman might still occasionally complain about your manners (or supposed lack of good manners), but you will only be able to hear those complaints because she has become your girlfriend or frequent sexual partner.

As long as you can convey that a woman is special, more valuable to you than other women are, it is enough to get her into bed. You do not have to become a doctor or a woman’s best friend to get girls. Neither do you have to spend any money on them. You do have to spend your resources on a woman you want, but the primary resource you should spend should be your time (with her), a resource which is more valuable than money and the one resource she will appreciate the most if she likes you. Regardless of how much money we have, we all have the same amount of time, and how we choose to “spend” that time is what matters the most to women. Time is the only thing that you can spend on women that guarantees that you get something in return anyway, so it is also a much more sensible investment.

Money should be the last thing you spend on a woman to demonstrate that you care for her, not the first thing, despite what most males do. Yet, many males waste more of their resources on women than only money. The more attractive a female is, the more weak male admirers she has who are already taking care of things like driving her around and solving her problems. You do not have to do that to show that you care for her. Let those other males waste their resources, and only step in when it is obvious someone is making serious moves on your woman. To care does not mean to be jealous, but it does include being protective.

The only thing the typically jealous boyfriend has going for him, the guy who goes into a frenzy every time he suspects someone has flirted with his woman, is that he clearly demonstrates that he cares about her and that he wants her exclusively for himself. Unfortunately, this is also what the abusive male who slaps his woman around whenever she upsets him has going for him, too.

While a charming man would avoid jealous and violent behavior, he would not act aloof in case he notices or finds out that someone else is interested in his woman. To be aloof may be the most confident reaction, but it will make him look completely disinterested in her, as if he does not care about losing her.

You should be protective, as it is charming, but not overprotective, as it is unconfident.

Nevertheless, women want to feel special, and that requires more of you than just telling them that they are; you also have to match your actions with your words. For example, if you tell a woman that she is the sexiest girl you have ever seen but then keep glancing at other women when the two of you are out, you are not demonstrating what you have declared, you are incongruent, and she will start doubting your honesty. You need to say and do things to her that you, as far as she can tell, do not say or do with other women.

Similarly, to maintain a consistently charming impression there are things that you must be careful to avoid, namely, anything that would make you appear desperate.

DESPERATE

Females absolutely hate males who act desperate because desperate behavior is highly unattractive to them. In fact, desperation is the most unattractive behavior in a male.

To act desperate means to appear to do something out of extreme urgency or as a last resort, when you feel as if you have no choice, and that is the big issue. A male who acts desperate is not selective with women, as it is obvious he is not popular, he has no standards, and he is unhappy, which are all uncharming traits. But desperate behavior is also tainted with a lack of masculinity, confidence, and responsibility: It makes a male seem vulnerable, afraid, and without control.

Desperate males talk about how often they have been rejected, how low their standards are, and the fact that they are willing to settle for any female. They let everyone know how unhappy and frustrated they are, how badly females have treated them in the past, and how they will do anything for sex — making it clear that they not only want females but also actually need them.

All females like to feel wanted by males, but none of them likes to feel needed by one. They do not mind feeling needed by cute babies or small puppy dogs, as they are more vulnerable than adult females, but adult males are supposed to be able to take care of themselves, and preferably a female and her children too. A female is supposed to be more vulnerable than a male, not the other way around.

If a male express that he needs a female, this means he cannot even take care of himself and is therefore genetically useless to a female. Expressions of helplessness only make females more attractive because it is a trait of youthfulness and vulnerability, making it feminine. Therefore, all kinds of red flags will be raised for females as soon as a male starts acting needy and clingy around them, and that is the last thing the male (and female) wants since being charming means making females feel good, not bad.

But what should you do if you really feel desperate? In that case, you have to learn the difference between how you behave when you need something and how you behave when you merely want it. Your strong desire for a woman because she is so attractive is nothing to be ashamed of — quite the contrary. Feel free to tell and show women that you want them as often as you like, but never say or show that you need them, not even if you feel that you do.

Hopeless Situation

The more desperate a male behaves, the less attractive he is to females, and the less attractive he is able to make a female feel. This results in a spiral of desperation, making him less and less successful with women.

At first glance, desperation may seem like a tragic and hopeless situation to find yourself in, since a male’s behavior is so significant to his success with women. It appears to be a catch-22, but the good news is that the spiral effect works just as well in reverse, and that is how you turn your situation around if necessary.

Since no one can tell how you feel or what you are thinking, but only what you decide to show them, if a male chooses not to become depressed about how cruel the world is, he can instead try to understand how he would think and act if he were feeling the opposite of desperate — as if he had plenty of options among women — and then fake it until he makes it. Even if you are not at that level yet and honestly have to pretend in the beginning, start acting as if you already are successful with women, and you will actually make this a reality sooner than if you do not. If you are truly desperate, then you should have no problem giving it all you have got because you should have nothing to lose.

This is useful information even if you do not feel desperate, as it is desperate behavior that makes a male unattractive to females, regardless of whether he actually is or feels desperate. Thus, a male may feel great about himself yet turn women off anyway, and even if he does feel desperate he can still turn women on, as long as he does not act on his negative emotion.

You should imagine having options with women. Ask yourself what you would do if you had the ability to meet a new and better woman today. Would you be spending any more time on the current issues you are facing? Would you really be going after the same woman year after year? Would you bother doing her several favors or paying her bills? Would you really spend weeks of dating without sex? If the answer to any of those questions is “no,” you are wasting your time and have to do something about it. In practice, this comes down to cutting your losses.

When it is obvious that things are not working out with a woman, men who know what they are doing will cut their losses right away, the same way a good day trader will when he notices one of his financial contracts going past a certain point in an undesirable direction. If you do nothing in these situations, you will find yourself wasting too much time or losing too much money. Life is too short for that.

Ending an unfulfilling encounter is definitely easier to do the less emotionally attached you are to the woman in question, but this is never an issue if you spend more time actually flirting with women out in the real world than you do fantasizing about them inside your own head. But it is also much easier to imagine having options and acting that way when you are not stuck with a scarcity mentality and believe there are a few women available.

Scarcity Mentality

Women and the opportunities to meet them are not at all scarce — far from it. There are plenty of wonderful women out there, more so than any one of us can handle already, with new gorgeous girls maturing every single day, and the opportunities to meet them are more than plentiful as well.

However, if you feel inadequate for or intimidated by some females, the way most males are conditioned, you will filter out many women you believe you do not deserve or do not dare to talk to. And if you are stuck with nothing but conventional ideas of meeting women, limiting yourself to introductions or formal occasions like parties or Friday evenings in bars, instead of realizing you can start talking to a woman anywhere, even in an elevator or in the street, you will filter out even more opportunities.

In reality, both women and the opportunities to meet them are in ridiculous abundance, as long as you open your eyes and expand your perspective instead of cutting yourself short by being stuck in an inaccurate and limiting mindset. If I truly did not believe there were women in abundance, I would not have bothered to write this book.

Being realistic about how many attractive and available females there actually are and how many opportunities that you really do have should take some pressure off you. If you mess up, there is still an endless supply of women around the corner. However, that is not an excuse to be reckless, impolite, or to fail to make an effort with each and every one of them. Always do your best, push as far as you can, and get back on the horse if you fall. Do not be tempted to overreact and become uncaring just because there is always a new woman around the corner. That is only an excuse.

If you have to, pretend and act as if you have more options than you do until you actually have multiple girlfriends or several women who want you for real. Women do the opposite all the time and pretend that they have fewer options than they really have; they round down how many sexual partners they have really had, how many men they are dating at the same time, and they act naïve to appear more “innocent.” This behavior is quite expected from women, since it makes sense for someone if they are trying to avoid responsibility for sex.

Chapter Six

RESPONSIBILITY

The ability to make things happen.
To lead, decide, advance, isolate, persist, and attempt with women, and never rationalize around them.

Women are more likely to talk about things that have happened or might happen to them than men are, even to the extent of discussing destiny, astrology, and fortunetelling, while men are more likely to talk about what they have done or will do themselves. This is a subtle hint of how differently men and women often experience and handle the same world, and that difference stems from responsibility. Now, it is not certain that males take more responsibility than females do in all aspects of life; however, they tend to assume different degrees of responsibility in different situations. The more risk is involved, the more masculine it becomes, and if physical risk is inevitable, then it is automatically expected of a male to take all of the responsibility, and he is not considered a man if he does not.

However, what it means to take responsibility is not entirely clear to most people, since so few actually do it. Many talk about it without being aware of what it entails. They may even claim to take responsibility for a lot of things, but as soon something goes wrong, you will find that they are clueless about what responsibility really means. Females in particular have very little understanding of everything that they expect of a male during courtship, and they will therefore look down on any male who does not live up to their expectations, since according to them, they are fairly low.

By avoiding responsibility during seduction by being more passive or indirect, females also weed out males that lack confidence and charm, since confidence is required to take the risk, albeit minor, that inevitably comes with taking responsibility for dating, and a man who bothers to step up is, of course, considered charming for making the effort.

Responsibility is something one has to take, not just pay lip service to. Talk is cheap and actions definitely speak louder than words when it comes to responsibility. In practice, it means several things, and in dating, it all begins with taking the initiative to lead. As far as dating goes, nothing happens to or without you; you have to make things happen.

LEAD

To lead means to be the driving force — initiating and setting the direction and pace of the relationship. Obviously, this includes physically leading women from place to place as well, such as moving them away from a loud bar, having them follow you through a crowd in a nightclub, grabbing their hand when you are out walking, and opening the car door for them and beckoning for them to jump in.

Since males are expected to lead, this is what you must do to appear manly. Simply taking the initiative is not enough though; you must lead women all the way and keep leading them until the end. If you want a woman, it is up to you to go after her, not the other way around. Leadership in the relationship is the male’s role, like it or not — the same way giving birth is the female’s role. You can debate and argue all night that it is unfair, but it does not make any difference. You should never expect women to lead.

It is not impossible for a woman to take the initiative if she likes a man a lot, but if she does, he should see it as a pleasant surprise; never, ever expect it. Your approach should never rely on a woman’s initiative, not even partially.

First, women in general will not approach men. They will not plan dates, they will not call first, and they simply will not make anything interesting actually happen until you have had sex with them and have officially formed a relationship that is socially recognized. They will be ready, however, and they will follow the right man who leads them, because they dream of being taken and swept off their feet by a man who knows what he is doing.

Second, women enjoy being led by a man they are attracted to as it reduces the pressure they feel from their social conditioning by giving them an excuse to do what they really want without having to admit it. They can just follow along, and in case things do not work out well or if they are caught doing something they are not “supposed” to do, they can blame it on someone else, specifically, you.

Third, leadership is also all about demonstrating confidence (to appear certain). It is about tolerating uncertainty, about being able to go into uncharted waters, going where no one has gone before, taking risks, etc. That is why some women say leaders are sexy. Good leaders may not actually be sure of themselves, but they appear to be certain (they are confident) and they understand that confidence is more about tolerating uncertainty than about being certain. That is a trait that maximizes one’s chance to succeed everywhere. A person who possesses these traits is the kind of person others are willing to follow, someone investors are willing to bet their money on, and someone soldiers are willing to take orders from.

Fourth, leading is the most effective action to take to succeed in all of life’s endeavors. If you are not leading, you cannot be sure you are going in the direction you want to go. Leadership alone does not guarantee success, but it always dramatically improves your chances. If you do not lead the woman you are dating, you can only hope that she will make the decisions that you want her to make. It is an uncomfortable position to be in if you like a woman but have no control of the direction of your relationship with her.

Women will always have ideas, opinions, and expectations that are unpredictable enough as it is. When you lead them, you are not forcing them to follow you, but you are setting a direction for the two of you to take. While actively leading a woman does demonstrate confidence, charm, and responsibility, its main purpose is to move the interaction in the direction you want — to become closer primarily — so if things are moving that way already, you do not have to switch it up just for the sake of control, but you do have to be ready to do so as soon as the course changes, if it does.

Leading is something that you should never stop doing in your relationship, not even after you have started sleeping together. If you stop leading, it will only be a matter of time before the woman feels less and less attracted to you, and you will lose her.

However, the fact that you are responsible for leading the women you date does not mean more than that. You do not need to be a leader elsewhere; you only need the right attitude toward dating and the ability to lead women when you are together. You do not need to be the leader of a posse in the club or the team captain, nor do you need to be the center of attention. But you do need to make decisions.

DECIDE

Leading involves making decisions. Obviously, it is best to make the right decisions, but making a decision, any decision, is more important than making the right one. By deciding something and sticking to it without wavering, you come across as certain, which means that you will be confident even if you are not actually certain at all. People cannot read your mind, but they do hear what you say, and they see how you act. They will be able to tell if you cannot make up your mind, do not know what to do, or are afraid of something, if it hinders you from making decisions.

Women love men who know what they want and are not afraid to go for it because of the confidence associated with the ability to make decisions and the self-esteem associated with acting like your wishes are significant. This may not mean that a woman likes the actual decisions a man makes, but she will like him for making the decisions.

When you make many of the decisions, you are dominant. However, you want to be dominant without being domineering, just as you want to be in control without being controlling. Confident males are dominant and in control, while males who are not confident may go overboard and become domineering and controlling to compensate for their insecurities. Avoid being too rigid. Make most of the decisions, and if a woman disagrees or if she has a better idea, consider it and consider making a new decision.

Just avoid throwing the reins over to her or waiting too long to pick them up in the first place, avoid changing your mind too often, and avoid getting involved in decisions that do not affect you: Males who are domineering and controlling want to dictate things such as which friends their woman is allowed to spend time with and what time she should be home.

ADVANCE

Human seduction goes through a number of stages, which can best be described as moving closer to each other while increasing physical contact until the male ends up inside the female during intercourse, and whenever you want to move on to the next stage, like holding hands or kissing for the first time, the male is expected to take that initiative. Thus, advancing, or more specifically making sexual advances, means making your move to take the relationship to the next level — to become closer.

You cannot skip steps, such as approach a woman and immediately start to grope her. That is a sure way of getting yourself either slapped or arrested. But you can choose to move faster between the stages if you notice that she is comfortable, and the better you are, the faster you will be able to advance. You can move through all the stages during several weeks of dating or during one single day. When you are really good, you can fast-forward through all the steps within the first hour — yes, from meeting a woman at a mall to having her home in your bed.

However, working that quickly requires a lot of effort and skill in making a woman comfortable. Nevertheless, it is possible.

Normally, you are the one who has to begin the initial conversation; you are the one who starts touching her, who takes her number, who calls her up, who tells her where to meet you for a date, who initiates a hug the next time you see her, who takes her to a café, who touches her hand across the table, who goes in for the first kiss, who leads her home, who undresses her, and so on through the many small steps all the way into bed.

You are responsible for making things happen since you are the male, so advancing is all on your shoulders. Whenever you feel you are not getting anywhere with a woman, or that things are moving slowly, it is because you are not advancing. If you ever catch yourself thinking something such as, “I am not getting anywhere with this girl,” or “I do not know if she likes me,” then it is time for you to make a move. She will not do it, not even if she wants you, and if she does make a move then she is seducing you, not the other way around.

If you are thinking, “Well, but if she wants me, why doesn’t she make a move?” it means you do not understand women very well, what they want, or that you as a male are expected to act like a male — and that she is thinking the exact same thing.

All over the world, females grow more frustrated by the day because males they know are interested in them are afraid or do not know how to show it by making a move. Many males lose women because they fail to make a move when they have the chance. When you do have the chance but do not take it, the woman is thinking “Why isn’t he doing anything?” because her mindset does not include the option of doing something herself. She will start thinking that you do not like her, or she will park you in her let’s-just-be-friends spot and look for a real man.

Males who are unsuccessful with women usually feel that they would be a lot more comfortable if women made all the moves, without understanding that this is exactly how women feel too and that their feminine mindset is the cause of their failure with women. Women are more comfortable if males make all the moves, particularly since whenever you try to advance the relationship, you risk facing resistance.

Resistance

The forms of resistance you may encounter can vary greatly, from the woman leaving you to join her friends on the dance floor to simply turning her head just as the two of you are about to kiss for the first time. Slight resistance means you still have work to do, while stronger resistance means you should have done a much better job earlier on. While you are still learning the ropes, it will be common to encounter a lot of resistance when you attempt to seduce women, but as you improve you will face less and less of it.

Resistance is different from rejection, and resistance is common enough to be expected even from women who are interested in you. That is vital to understand, because you will actually lose women you could have gotten if you give up at the first sign of resistance.

Many males make the mistake of unconfidently jumping to conclusions, interpreting every uphill, no matter how small, as a sign that a woman is uninterested or that she has just rejected them, although she did not actually say so.

When you understand how social conditioning affects women just as it has affected you, it is easier to see why even a woman who wants you will not just throw herself into your arms. It makes more sense when you understand how females are raised to respond and behave when a male flirts with them. They may simply be playing hard to get or acting like a “good girl,” because they feel that is what they must do to avoid being seen as “cheap,” “easy,” or “slutty.”

Of course, they may also be unsure that they want you, so they could be testing your confidence, for instance, to make sure how attractive you really are, or your charm, to make sure how much you really want them.

Besides all the resistance that women could put up themselves, other people may also interfere to make your life even harder. A woman’s female friends will consciously sabotage your attempt if they feel that you are not good enough or if you come off as a creep that their friend needs to be rescued from, while your male friends may try to ruin your chances by directly interfering or by making fun of you behind your back if you seem to be succeeding despite not having earned your success. This kind of behavior on their part is a result of their social conditioning, and their actions aim to preserve the status quo, although they are obviously not aware of it. They simply feel a need to step in.

However, if you feel that you are being tested somehow by a woman, that means you have messed something up already. Figure out what you overlooked or did not do well, and then avoid making the same mistake in the future. Focus on doing the right things earlier, instead of looking for ways to pass her tests. Do not spend time and effort solving problems that you should not have created in the first place. That wastes even more time, and it is a strategy that will keep you from improving. It is much better to address the real causes rather than the symptoms, and eventually as you get better and better, these tests will vanish completely. Real men never have to deal with them, and you will not either when you do things right.

If you keep running into resistance at a specific stage, such as every time you ask for a woman’s phone number, take a good look at what you are doing, or what you may not be doing enough of, prior to meeting this resistance, rather than trying to figure out clever ways to deal with it once the problem is already there. Most males do the opposite and try to clean up the problem instead of fixing the underlying issues, or they develop erroneous beliefs from their bad personal experiences. For instance, males who keep getting fake phone numbers from women tend to not understand that they have messed something up with these women. Instead, they wonder, “How can I test her number to make sure it’s real?” But such a thought will take you in the wrong direction. Neither the problem nor the solution has anything to do with the women — it is all about the male. Another example is the males who talk about how bitchy beautiful girls are, when the fact is that their lame approaches are causing women to respond with a bad attitude. When you know how women like to be approached and do it well, you never encounter “bitchy” women, and you will see exactly how ridiculous that idea is.

Women never go out to bars and nightclubs by themselves, and if they are not with their group, they are usually together with a female friend, someone who could potentially interfere by, for instance, grabbing your girl and pulling her to the restroom after you make your approach. However, this is yet another issue you will not have to deal with when you approach correctly, meaning, in a confident, charming, and responsible way. Males who feel the need to bring along someone to distract the female friends of the woman they want fail to understand this and are only making things way more complicated than they need to be. The female friend will usually leave the two of you alone when she sees how happy her friend is to meet you. She will either excuse herself and walk away or just stay put and enjoy the show. Sometimes she may even help you out. The difference a good approach makes is night and day, which is why a well-executed approach should be your number one priority.

In case your own friends are interfering, tell them about this book, or just stop going out with them, or find better friends.

The amount of resistance that a woman gives you correlates to your level of skill. That could even mean that she might avoid bringing up her boyfriend in conversation if she has one, and she might lie right to your face and tell you that she does have one even if she is single, all depending on whether she is interested in you, which in turn depends on how confident, charming, and responsible you are.

All over the world, males worry about whether the woman they want has a boyfriend, but like all other worries, it is just another symptom of low confidence, mixed with bad beliefs about how to treat women well. Part of traditional socialization teaches us that you should leave another male’s female alone and not flirt with a female who is already in a relationship. However, I believe that you should respect women instead and never treat them as another male’s possession or as if they are incapable of making up their own minds and unable to choose whom they want to be with.

You should not care whether a woman is single or not, and unless she is extremely happy already, she will not mention her boyfriend or husband if you seem to be a much better man than he is — just as you would not bring up your ugly girlfriend if a stunning woman were interested in you. However, even if she does mention that she is “taken,” that still does not mean you should give up. She might just tell you this bit of information to unload the responsibility on you, so that she does not feel guilty for talking to you.

Either way, never ask if a woman has a boyfriend, pay no attention to her rings, ignore whatever she volunteers to tell you, and if she says that she does have a boyfriend just acknowledge that you heard it so that the responsibility is on you. You should not care since you are interested in her after all, not him, and you have so much confidence that you believe you are as good as a man can get. Even if she does have a boyfriend, he might be a real jerk who treats her badly or abuses her. Maybe she is even married, but her husband beats her every night. You never know, so just continue doing what you do, which is seduce her, and let her mind or heart make its own decision.

Although the amount of resistance that you have to deal with will decrease as you become better at seduction, it is still a good idea to reduce it as much as possible by isolating the woman physically, and sooner or later you have to end up alone together, as that is one of the later stages of seduction and necessary to have sex.

ISOLATE

When you isolate a woman, you lead her away from other people so that the two of you can have some privacy together. You have to do this because that is what you ultimately want after all, to get to know her further, kiss her, make her horny, and eventually have sex with her. But you need to be able to isolate a woman for several other reasons as well.

First, it is rare to run into attractive females who are all by themselves without anyone else around. If anything, other people constantly surround them and everyone is looking their way.

Second, other people cannot interfere with your seduction attempt. Even if you go out by yourself and are so skilled that the woman’s female friend actually helps you out, other people who are less helpful could still show up to distract or bother the two of you. All of that is less likely to happen if fewer people are around you.

Third, the fewer people who can see and hear the two of you, the less social pressure a woman will feel to be a “good girl.” She may be worried about what other people are thinking of her if they overhear that you are boldly flirting with her or see that you have your hand on her thigh in a matter of minutes while she is both allowing and enjoying it. Such pressure should never affect you, but you cannot expect women to be unaffected by it, so you should always consider it.

Finally, isolating a woman also gives you a good opportunity to demonstrate some of your attractive qualities. You will have to be assertive when you tell her to follow you and then physically lead her away, showing even more dominance by putting your interest above anyone else’s and even more confidence by expecting her to follow along.

The best way to isolate a woman is very simple and straightforward. All you have to do is tell her to follow you, grab her hand, turn around, and start walking with the assumption that she will come along. She will follow you wherever you go as long as she is comfortable. She has to feel comfortable, though, so she knows that you mean her no harm.

Usually you isolate a woman progressively, from meeting her in a public place to having her home in your private quarters. For example, you move her from a crowded bar to a table in the corner, then to a bench outside the club, and finally into a taxi headed to your home.

The number of people around you should be fewer and fewer with each move, but you have to keep in mind that women feel comfortable and safe with other people around them. Like most animals, humans feel a sense of safety in numbers, so every time you take away a woman’s feeling of comfort, you have to have already compensated for it with your own ability to make her feel safe in your presence. A relaxed demeanor, a smile, and a friendly attitude are often enough to succeed in this when given some time.

When you isolate a woman from her friends, you should move her far enough away from them to ease her of their social pressure (so they cannot overhear your conversation for instance) while still staying close enough to them that she feels safe (so she can still see them for instance). Then as you establish more rapport with her or help her relax in some other way so that she trusts you more, you can lead her even further away.

The more comfortable she is with you, the further away you can lead her — all the way into your bedroom. It can take an hour or a couple of dates, depending on how good you are at making her comfortable with you, but she will not follow you home until she does feel comfortable, since your home is your territory, unknown to her, and hence potentially dangerous.

If you isolate a woman inside a club but then fail to make her comfortable enough to stay with you, she will excuse herself by saying she wants to see what her friends are doing since she did not go there by herself. This does not mean you have been rejected, but the resistance she is giving you is a sign that you should have made her feel more comfortable. Learn from it, give her a few minutes, approach her again, and continue talking to her. Just do not give up at the first signs of resistance because you can break through many barriers with persistence.

PERSIST

Persistence, without any loss of enthusiasm, is necessary since some things take time to build. For example, women need to feel comfortable with you before they allow you to make advances, such as giving you their real phone number or allowing you to lead them away somewhere. However, that comfort may take longer than anticipated to establish, depending on how the woman was feeling just before you met her or what happens around her, which is totally out of your control. It may be necessary to keep talking longer than usual, to repeat your compliments, to touch her more, etc.

In addition, a woman is not interested in a male who gives up easily. A male willing to spend some time and effort is obviously very interested in her and thinks she is worth it, but also confident that he can eventually get her. Thus, persistence is a necessary part of making women feel special, but it is also necessary to be congruent as an attractive male.

If you really feel that she is a beautiful and unique woman (as you should have been telling her all evening), but then are willing to give her up just because she is a bit shy, dislikes kissing in public, likes to take it slow, her boyfriend is watching you, or whatever, then you are not congruent. She will think you are not that interested in her after all or that your confidence is low, which are both turnoffs for her. She might actually have been interested in you up to that point, but not afterward.

Of course, it is also possible that the resistance she is putting up is a result of her insecurities about you if she is unsure whether she wants you. A weak male’s natural reaction when he senses that a woman is insecure is to become insecure as well (and to act on that weak emotion); he will start to hesitate, ask her if she is alright, stop smiling, and so on, and that reveals just how little confidence he has, making the situation even worse. When this happens, you have to go all in, not fold. It is your only chance to recover, and recover you must.

When you do not persist, it means that you give up, and that is the last thing you should do. Perseverance is a general key to success in any endeavor but far from common, especially among males as they deal with women. Sometimes you can even make mistakes and say foolish things while still being able to get the girl, assuming you stand your ground and do not walk away. If the woman is not walking away, it means she still has some interest in you, and even if she does walk away without actually making it clear she is uninterested in you, you can still approach her again.

However, to persist does not mean to cling on forever, to stalk, or to come back despite a woman requesting otherwise — only desperate males do that — but it does mean to keep going until you either get what you want or are rejected.

Let me give you a few examples. When you ask for a woman’s number, insist that she give it to you even if she says that she cannot. When you try to kiss her on the first date and she turns her head, try kissing her again later. When she leaves you to rejoin her friends even though you had a good conversation, find her again, lead her away, and continue talking to her.

Persistence is an essential strategy for dealing with resistance, but it is a versatile strategy you should always follow — always keep going as far as you can. If the timing is right and the woman is interested in you and does not put up much if any resistance that means you should not stop just after you get her phone number, but you take her for a date right away, and if that goes well, you do not hesitate to kiss her during the date or to try to take her home to have sex with her either.

You should only pause at each step if the circumstances call for it, and if she is uninterested and therefore puts up resistance, you should keep going either until you break through it or until she flat out rejects you so that you know for sure you should move on without wasting more time.

There is a big difference between a woman not being interested in you at all and a woman being interested but putting up resistance. Pay careful attention to each situation so you do not deceive yourself into thinking that she is playing hard to get when she is not playing at all. This distinction will be easier to make if you have been clear with your intentions from the beginning, since she then knows what you want from her and will reject you as soon as she has made up her mind about you, unless you have sparked a romantic or sexual interest in her.

Rejection

When a woman has no sexual interest in you, but you have made it obvious that you do have such an interest in her, she will reject you in one way or another. This just means that she is turning down your offer to spend more time together to potentially end up as something besides friends, but it feels a lot worse than that to many males.

The word rejection itself has a bad ring to it, because we are conditioned to believe it is the end of the world when a female rejects a male. But rejection only feels horrible if you have been going down the wrong path for too long, making friends with women you are in love with without ever letting them know that you are actually not interested in friendship. It is only a big deal to males who do not understand what women want, including the fact that women keep friends separate from lovers.

Rejection in real life is very far from the way it is commonly portrayed in movies, where women often make fun of the unattractive male who shows his interest in them and make a big scene out of his misery.

The reality is far from this dramatic, as direct confrontation is not feminine behavior, but we are conditioned to believe that it could happen. Thus, the fear of failure will keep males from even trying before they have proven that they are good enough or before they have wasted enough time to fall in love and make a last desperate attempt when they are doomed to fail anyway. But I already mentioned that we are not born with many, if any, fears, and that includes the fear of failure. If babies were born with a fear of failure, they would never learn anything and the human species would never have survived as one inevitably fails toward success. Young children are not even aware of the concept of failure, as they intuitively know they are learning from trial and error, through practice and perseverance. That is the mindset you must recover. That you fear failure as an adult is because you have learned it through bad socialization.

Confident males are not afraid of rejection, do not expect it, or make a big deal out of it when it happens because it does inevitably happen. Even the most attractive, experienced, and successful males in the world are rejected sometimes because some women are lesbian, weird, dumb, afraid, or too busy. But these men have confidence enough to handle whatever happens, they are not bothered by what one woman thinks of them, and they do not flirt with women while expecting the worst. When you are in a confident state of mind you will spend no time thinking about rejection, and when rejection does come, you will just accept it and move on. You might even be a bit surprised or feel sorry for the woman for missing out on you.

Unconfident, unattractive, unsuccessful males, on the other hand, tend to focus on being rejected and how to avoid it, rather than on doing the right things to get the girl. They think that trying to avoid what you do not want is enough to lead you to what you do want, but that is not how the world works. It is the other way around; you get more of whatever you focus on.

People who believe rejection is horrible only believe that because they have not experienced rejection enough times. Those who fail do not fail enough. The most unsuccessful males have usually only been rejected a handful of times, with a couple of years in between each occasion, long enough for them to accidently meet a new female, make good friends with her, fall deeply in love with their fantasy version of her by admiring her from afar, only to confess their true feelings for her way too late with the dreaded “let’s just be friends” excuse as a natural consequence.

If a woman says that to you, it usually means you have already made friends with her, and that takes a long time to do. You have spent a lot of time without flirting with her, which is your big mistake. Men who know how to get girls meet more women in a weekend than you do in a year and they face rejection too, but without wasting months to develop deep emotions before it happens, which saves both time and heartache. Real men are told, “I’m sorry, I’m not interested” or “I have a friend who is single that I would like to introduce you to” when they are rejected. That is pretty much it. No dramatic scenes, no broken hearts, no agonizing pain or suffering to keep them awake at night. It just happens, life goes on, they meet another woman, and she keeps them awake at night.

Anyone who believes rejection is not quick, painless, and undramatic needs to experience it more times so reality can set in. Most males never learn to deal with it, while some have their hearts broken so many times over several years that they become less sensitive and then finally get over it. But the best way to learn to handle rejection is simply to approach all the women you are interested in, flirt with them boldly right away, and accept the inevitable when it occurs.

The worst thing you can do is not to flirt boldly with women and instead hide your intentions from them because that is how you end up wasting a lot of time with women and fall in love with them only to be rejected when it hurts the most, rather to get it over with before you are emotionally and financially committed (considering time is money even if you have not spent a dime).

My point is that if you are going to be rejected, then the sooner the better, because if a woman actually has no interest in you, it is in your best interest to find out as soon as possible. This does not mean you should ask something foolish like “Am I bothering you?” or “Do you have a boyfriend?” because that would not reflect confidence, and you should still act as attractive as you can. Many males who ask such foolish questions rationalize that it is the polite thing to do and that it shows they respect a woman’s opinion. What they are really doing, however, is the complete opposite of respecting her.

A woman will tell you for sure if you really are bothering her, and if you bring it up you are only making her suspicious and, hence, increasing the risk of her rejecting you. If she has a boyfriend or a marriage that she considers more important than getting to know more about you, allow her to make that decision herself, and wait for her to say so. Do not ask about it directly, and do not probe her indirectly to try to figure it out. Let her make up her own mind without leading her on. That is how you show a woman proper respect without ruining your own chances to seduce her. There is no need to create even more problems for yourself, because there are plenty of challenges that you must deal with when seducing a woman anyway.

Regardless of whether you have just met a woman or are dating one already, you should continuously flirt with her to make sure that she knows what you want and to keep things moving forward. If you then run into resistance that persistence seems unable to penetrate, it is best if she rejects you so that you know for sure that it is time to move on. The less time you have known a woman, the easier it will be for her to do so, but if she is being unclear for an extended period of time, you might have to explicitly tell her that you want to have sex with her. That usually works, either way.

While you should not go out looking for rejection or spend any time thinking about it, when it does happen, you should take it like a man. Many males who lack charm make that crystal clear when they overreact and instantly become rude or insult women as soon they are turned down, pretending they were not that interested in them after all. The only thing such lameness accomplishes is to confirm that the woman just made the right choice, and word may begin to spread about what an uncharming moron you are. To have such a reputation can serve you no good; it may only come back to haunt you, and rightfully so.

However, there is one type of rejection that is dreadful for real, but it does not come from women. It is something that unsuccessful males experience all the time: They reject themselves. It is what you do when you see a gorgeous girl but then think to yourself, “I could never get a girl like that” and walk away even though the woman did not actually reject you.

Males who are unsuccessful with women are not so because women reject them a lot, but because they reject themselves too often, either by giving up too early or by not even trying at all.

ATTEMPT

While plenty of males do not meet any women at all because they never even try, most of the males that have some success waste a lot of time by failing to move forward, such as dating for weeks without sex. They do this not because they lack interest in having sex earlier, but because they do not even try to take the female back to their home any time sooner. The idea might not even occur to the males until after several dates when they believe that the timing is right, when they feel that they have been wining and dining their woman “enough.” But such a belief is all in their heads, caused by their socialization.

Contrary to what you might think, and contrary to what women will say, all women are willing to have sex with a man the very same day they meet him as long as they meet the right man. Whether he is right depends entirely on how skilled in seduction he is. Regardless if you believe that or not, you should always act as if that is the case and try taking your dates as far as you can instead of cutting yourself short and ending them early just because you believe that a kiss is all you will “get” on the first or second date. You will never really know if you have gone as far as you could have gone if you do not try taking it further, and you will never really know if you have moved as fast as you could have moved if you do not try moving faster.

Never stop yourself from progressing because you have limiting beliefs, because those beliefs come from your socialization and not from your real-life experience. This applies to everything from what kind of women you believe you can get to how fast you believe you can get them. Your attitude should always be open with unlimited possibilities. If limitations really do exist, you will find out for sure when you run into them, and so be it, but never cut yourself short by not even trying.

You would be amazed by how much you can achieve in life, how far and how fast you can go, as long as you just try, and the experience that you gain along the way from simply trying is priceless. It is bound to make your life a lot more interesting and leave you with more exciting memories and stories that are entertaining for yourself and your friends.

People who do not try things always make up excuses to explain why they are unable to; they rationalize as that is what humans do when they want to avoid responsibility, without admitting it.

RATIONALIZE

The most telling sign of people who want to avoid responsibility is that they make up excuses — they rationalize. The more responsibility they try to avoid, the more excuses they will come up with.

The overwhelming majority of males are rationalizers, or excusers, in one way or another. They only differ in their degree of rationalizing behavior, with those who are most successful with women rationalizing the least, as there is a strong inverse correlation between how good you are with women and how good you are at making up excuses. The males least successful with women either excuse themselves from even trying to flirt with women because they are intimidated or they do flirt with women but always using an excuse because they feel unworthy of them.

Making up excuses is called rationalizing because it is about attempting to make your experience rational when it is not. It is a function in your brain that tries to make your experience easier for you to understand by automatically assigning explanations to everything so that they appear to make sense, even if this results in lies that you tell yourself and other people. This mental process is most evident when we are afraid, when we face uncertainties outside of our comfort zone — when we deal with something beyond our confidence. Since fear is a powerful emotion that has served to help humans survive for thousands of generations, we are programmed to avoid it at any cost, including with self-deception.

Most males would rather rationalize than admit they are afraid. This is especially true when they have to explain their actions to other people, and particularly when what they are afraid of is a harmless woman, since they know that fear is a weakness and that males are not supposed to be vulnerable. No male wants to admit to being a coward, yet most of them are.

Although this mental process is normal, it becomes a problem when you want to approach and flirt with a woman as confidently as possible. Usually the better and more effectively you intend to approach a woman, the more excuses will pop into your head. The more confident you intend to be, the more uncertainty you would have to deal with, which makes it more likely that your mind will make up excuses to hold you back. Thus, it is better to look at the appearance of excuses in your head as a signal that you intend to do the right thing, rather than to hinder yourself with them.

You are probably much more used to conforming than you would like to think, and you believe that you have free will that is unaffected by other people, but you honestly do not know that unless you stop running with the herd. You will only know of your freedom for sure once you try to deviate from the rest. Your habit of rationalizing is the most noticeable when you cut through all the crap of traditional socialization and stop following the rules of conventional dating. If you lack the confidence to defy your social conditioning, your nonconscious mind will attempt to stop you by producing as many excuses as it deems necessary to convince you that even trying would be a bad idea — because if you try doing something you do not believe you can do, you challenge your very reality.

Let me give you a few examples related to approaching women. Males who feel unworthy often produce excuses that have something to do with worrying about other people or not deserving the woman. They tell themselves things like “she seems busy,” “she is in a hurry,” “she probably has a boyfriend,” “I know she is married,” “people are watching,” “it would be embarrassing,” “she is with her parents,” “it would hurt my reputation,” “she would be upset if I hit on her,” “she is too beautiful for me,” “I do not deserve her,” or “I do not know what to say (to impress her).”

When males feel more intimidated than unworthy, their excuses will often have something to do with their inability to handle the uncertainty that they would have to face. They tell themselves things like, “I will do it later when I have a better opportunity,” “she does not look friendly,” “the situation might become awkward,” “I am too nervous right now,” “I need a drink first,” or “I do not know how she would react if I said that.”

It becomes even more obvious that these thoughts are only excuses the longer the males stick around without doing anything, as the explanation for why they are not taking action often changes as the circumstances change. For example, if they see a woman sitting by herself while talking on the phone, they might tell themselves the “reason” why they do not want to approach her is that “she is busy; I do not want to interrupt her phone call.” Then, as she hangs up when a group of her friends joins her, their explanation changes to, “I cannot approach her in front of other people,” and when all the friends leave except for one male, the explanation is suddenly, “that is probably her boyfriend.”

Excuses never run out, they just change, since they are not real reasons.

Whatever the excuse may be, it is only an excuse. However, it will probably not look like an excuse in the heat of the moment; rather it will seem like a good and valid reason. Then, after the moment is lost and the excuser has calmed down, he will usually find himself wondering why he did not even try when he had the chance. Detached from the immediate situation, his mind will be reasonable again, and what seemed like good and valid reasons will all of a sudden not make much sense anymore.

Knowing that you excused yourself afterward is not good enough though. You have to be able to identify this behavior in real time and see it for what it really is so that you may ignore it rather than try to deal with the imaginary problems you create yourself. Since rationalizations are not real reasons to begin with, it would be a waste of time to try to deal with them in any way. Even a clever solution to a problem that you should not have in the first place is a waste of time.

The first thing that happens when males decide to ignore the excuses in their heads, and to take action despite their doubts, is that their minds will still be inclined to make up excuses. But instead of making up excuses in their heads as a hindrance, they will make up excuses in the real world as a help. They change from the first category of excusers to the second. They do not allow all of their excuses to stop them, but they are still so influenced by their socialization that they cannot let go of excuses entirely and try to use them to their advantage instead.

Using an excuse to talk to women is the inevitable solution for males who want to take action while they still feel unworthy. Deep down, they believe themselves to be inadequate, but instead of challenging this belief, they have accepted it as dogma and tried to work out ways to circumvent it. They invent excuses to meet women since they do not believe their desire alone is a good enough reason to approach them.

Some excuses are more creative than others, but what they all have in common is that they are designed to start a conversation while hiding one’s true intentions. The range is very wide, from the most casual form, such as offering to light a woman’s cigarette, to the extreme of hiding behind a costume and pretending to bump into her, but the majority of males who do make contact with women are somewhere in the middle.

Any way that you come up with to meet a woman that does not involve clearly stating your true intentions, your real reason for talking to her, would be to use an excuse, including picking up something that she dropped, joining the same class as she does, offering to buy her a drink, asking for her help, asking to be introduced by someone else, and approaching her friend first. The list could go on forever, as the number of excuses that males use is truly endless.

Despite that such indirect methods are highly ineffective, they will still yield some success compared to not even trying at all for the simple reason that not even trying is the only guaranteed way to fail. This is why there are plenty of males who defend the use of such methods and a few that make good money by selling advice based on it.

The males who defend the use of excuses love the argument that “it works,” as if something either works or doesn’t and there are no differences in how well something works. This is, of course, nonsense.

Granted, using excuses is better than sitting at home, but the use of an excuse is the equivalent of swimming across the Atlantic Ocean when you have the option of using a jet plane. Even the best excuse you could come up with would still just be some kind of boat, because your mindset is limiting you to conceiving ideas about travel by water.

Most people prefer to pat themselves on the back rather than to change for the better if that change requires discomfort, and it is uncomfortable at first to fight one’s socialization. It is uncomfortable to increase one’s confidence. But it is confident males that women want.

Using excuses as a way to meet women will always be popular as long as socialization exists as it does today and produces males who feel both unworthy and intimidated by women, because it is so much easier to be an excuser. But that is only one more reason why it is so powerful to avoid excuses.

Even the most unattractive males who feel unworthy and intimidated can usually start a “harmless” conversation with a woman, such as by asking for advice or the time or by apologizing for their new puppy dog that just ran up to her. To approach in such an indirect manner is indeed easy, but it is easy because it requires zero confidence. It is weak and is the opposite type of behavior that turns on women.

If you make such timid approaches, you would have to spend a lot more time and effort to demonstrate your genetic value — the masculine behavior you just demonstrated that you lack when you made an indirect approach — than you easily could have done from the start. You will have to solve several problems that you should not have in the first place, making your own life harder while wasting even more time.

As you approach a woman you are interested in, your very desire for her is reason enough to do so. Your desire for her is nothing to be ashamed of, and she actually appreciates such a man more than anything. You do not need an excuse to talk to women and women do not want you to use one either, so why bother?

When you stop using excuses, you will be direct, and women will absolutely love it. They will tell you how straightforward you are with a big smile on their faces. You will be able to take their breath away, to sweep them off their feet, and to stun them in amazement. It is impossible to do any of that with an indirect approach. A direct approach takes enormous balls, and you will be oozing with confidence right away because of it. Women will feel this instantly and respond completely differently than if you started talking to them using an excuse, as any coward could do and as many cowards already do.

Being an excuser is such a bad idea because it is feminine behavior. Women are the worst excusers in the world. The more of an excuser you are, the more indirectly you act and talk, and women are very indirect because they try to avoid responsibility and risk. They are indirect because their socialization pressures them to hide their true desires, but it is impossible for them to suppress their natural sexual desires entirely, and their more vulnerable biology makes them more inclined to more sensitive and cautious behavior to avoid physical confrontation.

When you understand this, you also understand why women normally never turn a male down in a direct manner, like saying, “I do not want to meet you ever again, because I am not attracted to you.” Instead, they will be more indirect; they will sugarcoat their words and make up an excuse. They will rephrase the same message into something such as, “Perhaps I cannot meet you tonight, because I have to do something else.”

Naïve males who do not understand this will erroneously believe they actually still have a chance upon hearing a brushoff such as this, as she did say “perhaps.” They will erroneously believe they can meet her some other day, as she only said she was busy “tonight.” And they will erroneously believe it is because she has “something else to do,” as that is what she said after all.

Keep this in mind the next time a woman tells you, “I have a headache,” “I need to babysit tonight,” “I have so much homework to do,” “I am going away this weekend,” “My phone does not work,” “My cousin arrived from out of town,” or “I need to be with my friend tonight, she is having a hard time right now,” etc.

Women absolute love to use excuses, and it is their favorite tool for getting through life because it is so easy to avoid responsibility by just making something up, even though it actually does mean that they are lying on a regular basis.

Lying

Women lie every day without so much as a shred of remorse. They lie to their parents, to their friends, and to their partners. They will lie to meet a male, if they like him, and they will lie to avoid seeing him again, if they do not like him. They will lie whenever it is convenient and whenever it is easier to get out of a short-term uncomfortable situation. You have to understand that this is how women communicate and also understand that women do not necessarily agree that they are lying, although they usually admit that they indeed make things up on a daily basis.

When women say they hate liars, they are talking about males. They are not that firm when it comes to how females, including themselves, should behave. Women will lie straight to your face without blinking. If you make the mistake of asking them if they lie, they will usually respond with “I never lie! How dare you accuse me of that?” However, if you do not immediately back down or become apologetic despite their convincing performance, you will hear them add, “I only tell white lies to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.”

Though, what they will not tell you is that they are including themselves and their own feelings in those they tell lies to protect, and that they will use white lies to avoid feeling even the slightest discomfort themselves. Hence, they might actually be lying several times per day without thinking much of it.

You need to know this not because you should waste any time on futile arguments over it with women, but so your attitude is always in a mode of healthy skepticism, ready to decode their true meaning. Whatever “reason” a woman gives you could very likely be an excuse for her to avoid feeling bad herself, to avoid feeling mean, or to avoid an embarrassing confrontation at the moment, without any consideration of the long-term effects of such behavior. They use the easiest short-term solution under the guise of trying to be nice.

However, they have a hidden agenda with their so-called niceness, the same way self-proclaimed “nice guys” have. They lack the confidence to be straightforward. The only difference is that it is both acceptable and understandable for women to lack balls, and I would not like it any other way.

The most unattractive males, the ones who do not understand this, are also the ones who are most likely to end up facing the worst consequences. They might ask a woman out to dinner, totally missing that she is not interested, only to realize that she is not going to show up when they are sitting at the restaurant with a bottle of wine already opened. If you were to ask the woman why she did not make it perfectly clear that she was not interested, she would say that it would not have been “nice” to say no, although the result is even meaner.

Not only do women rarely think that far ahead or understand what they are doing, but they do not bother to care about the consequences for unattractive males, and unattractive males are the only ones that accept being treated that way.

Males who miss that they are supposed to read between the lines are confused, annoyed, and frustrated, as they are used to dealing with people (and by people I mean other males) who mean what they say, say what they mean, to whom word is bond, and to whom there exists the concept of honor. Females are not raised with such virtues, though, and it is these males’ own fault to assume that women are like men.

The excuses that women make up are frustrating for males who are unsuccessful with women, but it simply becomes entertaining once you become skilled at getting girls and cross the line over to the side where they use the same strategy for, rather than against, you.

A woman will call in sick to stay in bed with you in the morning if you have time off from work but she doesn’t, and girls will tell their mothers all kinds of creative stories to avoid going back home at night when they like you a lot.

When you find yourself in such a situation, do not interfere when a woman makes up excuses in your favor; instead, congratulate yourself because it means that you have made it across the border. For example, just enjoy the show when a young girl is sitting naked in your bed and her mother calls her asking where she has been all night, and she starts making up a random story about sleeping over at a friend’s house because the last night bus — that she was supposed to go home with — never arrived, and she did not want to call and wake anyone up, then the batteries in her phone died all of a sudden, but right now she is sitting in a taxi on her way home, but there is so much traffic that it might take a long while until she is back home.

However, this indirect manner of dealing with reality is not the only difference between men’s and women’s style of communication, which brings us to our discussion of verbal and nonverbal messages.

Part III

THE MESSAGE

Verbal and Nonverbal

Hand in hand with the adoption of effective manners comes communicating effectively with the outside world. You have to show women your attractive personality and your attraction to them by communicating with them accordingly, both verbally and nonverbally.

No one is able to read your mind, but everyone will try to by carefully observing how you present yourself and paying attention to your body language and to your conversation to make sure your verbal and nonverbal messages are in line — so you really are who you portray yourself to be.

A deep change in mindset will affect the way you communicate too, just as it automatically changes your manners, since how you walk and talk are extensions of your manners. But by adopting the communication traits that I present straight away, you will accelerate your progress tremendously, and you will no longer need detailed step-by-step instructions for how to meet women and what to do in what order, although Part IV will still provide that for you.

Chapter Seven

CONVERSATION

Males rarely have problems talking to their friends or family but often clam up around females, particularly attractive females. Their minds go blank, and they have no idea what to say to women.

Knowing what to say to women is the most common concern among males who are unsuccessful with them. They obsess over every single word, phrase, and possible response ahead of time. It is an inevitable result of traditional socialization, as it makes males feels inadequate for or intimated by women, while at the same time reducing their natural ability to tolerate uncertainty.

A male’s mindset — his beliefs about himself, women, and how to get them — form the backbone of how he talks to women. If a male has no problems talking to his friends or family, then he should have no difficulty talking to a woman; if he does, it means his mindset is wrong. At some level, conscious or not, he believes that women are much different from his friends and family members and that he has to speak to and treat them much differently.

Males overestimate the importance of what they have to say to women when they are stuck in the traditional mindset. The truth is, women do not really care that much. Often the exact words do not even register with them, and even if they do respond to what a man says, it is unlikely that they will remember much of what he said, but they will remember how he said everything.

When a male stumbles on his words, stutters, or goes awkwardly quiet all of a sudden, females lose their interest in him as he clearly lacks confidence (he appears uncertain), not because he has nothing interesting to say or because he is not an interesting person. If a female is attracted to a male, pretty much everything he says will be interesting to her, especially if he is talking about her, since it is charming for him to care.

To be interesting enough for a woman is quite easy, because all it really takes is to be charming; to show her that you are interested in her. Women instantly become interested in males who are interested in them, while uninteresting people are uninteresting because they (1) say nothing at all or (2) they talk about the same thing every day.

Males who have no problems speaking to women only differ in one way from those who have difficulty — they do not believe that attractive females are much different from other people except that they are sexually attractive, so they talk to women with the intent to flirt. They do not talk with women to make friends or business contacts, and their manner of talking to them is similar to how you address your younger sister, not a goddess.

Many men who are naturally good with women only talk nonsense to them in a flirtatious way, because that is enough to get many women into bed and even to maintain a sexual relationship. This does not require any impressive skill, and that is exactly the point.

If you know such a man and were to ask him, “What did you say to her?” after seeing him flirt with a woman, it is very likely that he would not even remember, and you can tell that his attitude is different from yours. Many such men are unaware of any need to talk to women much differently to begin with. The very question, “What did you say to her?” even seems odd to them.

Dialogue

It is hard not to notice that women like to talk about everything with each other. That is why they are constantly talking — there is so much to talk about when you do not limit topics. Even if they are all by themselves, they are often either talking to someone on the phone or chatting online. I bring this up to remind you that the woman will be talking with you half the time, maybe even more than that if she really likes you. Attractive females are especially good at talking because of all the attention they get from males who try to make friends with them (while thinking they are flirting), and when these women feel comfortable with a man, the conversation floodgates are likely to open.

Although you have to initiate the conversation, and usually dominate it initially, there will be two people participating after a few minutes because it is a dialogue, not a monologue. You should not be the only one talking; doing so creates the impression that you are uninterested in the woman, and in this you will only appear confident but not charming.

Granted, most women are not going to provide anywhere near half of the conversation with a stranger in the beginning. Instead they will answer questions with brief and useless comments until they are comfortable and start to respond in a more normal fashion. This can take a couple of minutes. Meanwhile, the male has to keep the conversation going so it does not stall, because unlike a regular everyday conversation, it otherwise will. To avoid stalling, it helps to ask open-ended questions and to make open-ended statements. Ideally, you will get a great answer in return, but you cannot expect it. You have to be prepared either way, and if you get a not so great answer, such as “I don’t know,” or even a one-word reply, you can clarify the question by telling the woman what you would have answered were you asked the same question.

When women are talking a lot, it means they are comfortable. This is a very good sign for a male — that they feel good around him — but more important than looking for signs of interest from a woman is identifying their absence. It is more useful for you to notice that a woman is not talking a lot and take it as a reminder that you need to work harder at making her feel more comfortable, which in this case means to be able to talk more yourself and to perhaps go first by talking about yourself, to lead by example. She may still be interested in you if she is quiet if she is a shy or inexperienced woman, but it is more likely that you have to work harder to make her feel better.

But do not try to force a conversation. That is below a man’s dignity.

A good listener is always seen as a good conversationalist, but that does not mean that you can hold a conversation by remaining completely quiet while only nodding and maintaining eye contact, because women tend to interpret silence differently than men do. Since most women talk more the more comfortable they are, they also tend to interpret silence from someone as a sign that something is bothering them, which is the opposite vibe a male wants to send.

What a man talks about with women generally is not anything special or different from what he would be talking about with his friends. He does not need to impress women by talking about something exciting or by dazzling them with fantastic topics, whatever happened during his day or how he is honestly feeling about something is enough. What he does need to do differently, however, is to flirt, because he is not looking for friendship in this case. Women usually separate the males they have sex with from the males they keep as friends, mentally, as it is behavior that they are attracted to primarily, not bodies. It is easy to become friends with a woman after you have had sex with her, but it is much, much harder to have sex with her after you have become friends.

A man can talk about almost anything as long as what he says is congruent with the mindset and manners of an attractive male and is aligned with his purpose of flirting with the woman. He can even talk about nonsense as long as he does it in a confident manner and flirts whenever the opportunity presents itself. A male runs the risk of losing far more women because he does not say anything at all than he does because he is saying the wrong things.

You can even talk about sex, and usually should, as long as you do not make the woman feel like a slut by asking her foolish things like whether she goes all the way on the first date or intimate questions that other people may overhear, for instance. Sex is nothing to be embarrassed about; it is part of whatever relationship you are looking for, and bringing the topic up is the easiest way to make a woman think about having sex with you. Therefore, it would not make sense to avoid it, but you do have to treat the subject as the no big deal that it is. Be serious and candid instead of joking about it. People who joke about sex all the time do so because they are uncomfortable with the topic, and women prefer such a male as their entertainer rather than their lover.

Nevertheless, since a male wants to make women feel certain things and to come across as a certain type of man, he should avoid talking about or saying anything that would detract from that impression. For example, to come across as masculine, a male cannot discuss his interest in wearing women’s lingerie or his tendency to cry a lot. To come across as confident, he cannot talk about his insecurities, fears, or worries. To come across as charming, he has to avoid anything gross, negative, or depressing that would make women feel bad. To come across as taking responsibility for sex, he may not shift the responsibility to the woman or make her feel like a slut, unless she says that she is, which offers a great opportunity to dig deeper on the topic of sex.

While it is not completely foolish to consider what to say to women, it is more important to understand how to talk to them.

You should talk to a woman as if she already is your lover and sexual partner, not a stranger or friend. You are not talking to her to find out what time the bus leaves or what the weather is like outside; to do so would be to treat her like a random stranger. And you should never share your worst personal problems with her or try to gain her sympathy. That is what friends are for.

A male who tries to make women feel bad for him is focusing on the wrong emotions. Remember, to be charming means to make women feel good about themselves. You do not want her to feel pity for you; you want her to feel attraction toward you, attractive to you, and comfortable with you. At the same time, it is of utmost importance that a woman trust you; otherwise, your words will have no meaning, and there is no way that she will allow herself to be alone with you since you could potentially be dangerous.

You accomplish all of this by being direct, flirtatious, and friendly.

DIRECT

When you “have” lots of confidence, self-esteem, and masculinity, you appear sure of yourself, you appear important, and you avoid all manners typically considered feminine; in particular, you avoid appearing vulnerable. Males like this are very direct not only with their actions, but also with their words. They know what they want to say, consider it significant, and say it. They are straightforward. Being verbally straightforward is the exact opposite of the way women typically talk, as it is more confrontational than cautious, which makes it masculine too.

The more women you have talked with, the more you know that they are far from straightforward; they are indirect, not explicitly saying what they want, dropping hints and insinuating things, leaving some things unsaid while talking about other things endlessly without getting to the point. Women call this being “sensitive,” but it is actually being cautious, to avoid conflict and build a consensus, as they are less able to protect themselves than males are. They rarely realize this however; they only feel it is natural and appropriate, and just as they feel it is natural and appropriate for females to talk like this, they do not appreciate a male who does and will not feel attraction toward a male who is as verbally timid — which is exactly how most males who are not getting girls are talking to them.

A man does the exact opposite; he is direct when he talks to women. Not only does it make him more attractive, but it also speeds up the dating process while simultaneously eliminating the confusion and misunderstanding that a more feminine and indirect approach brings. When you do it perfectly, you will make women blush, or they will exclaim “I cannot believe you just said that!” with a big smile on their face, and that is when you know that what you just said struck a chord deep inside them by telling them something that they want but did not expect to hear.

Women often respond this way to very blunt compliments, such as if you tell them that you think their big breasts look lovely, as long as you say it with a smile on your face and stand your ground without apologizing or explaining yourself if they pretend to be upset.

You should not be evasive in any way as it makes you seem ashamed of yourself. This includes being able to answer questions as straightforwardly as possible if that would be the most bold thing to do. For instance, if you are short or unemployed and a woman asks about your height or job, give it to her straight without hesitation.

Being this direct is easy when you know there is no need to play games with women, to impress them, to hide your sexual intentions toward them, and that they actually enjoy when a male speaks to them like that, while communicating with women is also easier when you know they are usually indirect.

To understand what most women are trying to tell a male, he has to read between the lines, especially when they drop hints that sometimes just appear to be empty statements. So the next time you are on a date and your woman says, “It is so cold in here,” that means she wants to go somewhere else, preferably a warmer place, but wants to follow your lead. When she says, “My feet hurt,” she is trying to tell you that she wants to sit down, take her shoes off, or get a foot massage — whatever seems appropriate for the current situation.

Do not ignore what she is saying; instead, acknowledge or agree with her and then respond to her embedded message, or even better, react to it and do something about it. Take the responsibility she is trying to avoid.

Assertive

Women’s typically indirect way of speaking lacks assertiveness, and that is one reason it is so unattractive and ineffective for males. When you are assertive, you communicate to the world that you are confident, dominant, and responsible; you know what you want, you know what you have to say is significant, and you take responsibility by bringing up matters directly.

When you are straightforward with what you want and in a mode of positive expectations (when you are optimistic), the most likely reaction from those around you will also be in your favor. You make it easy for people to follow and agree with you when you assume they will, while they have to make more of an effort not to do so. This is partly why it is better to state, “I want to have dinner with you tonight!” if you “ask” a woman out to dinner, than to really ask, “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” for example. Since you bring the matter up without really asking her it also means you are taking the responsibility even if she accepts.

You are basically saying the same thing, but how you phrase your intentions makes the difference as it reveals your personality. This also means that it is not something that you should only be doing every now and then with the women you want. Assertive is how you should always be when talking to women, despite that it goes against our socialization of not being selfish and that it is more polite to always ask for everything.

If you are not used to being assertive, it means you have to start more sentences with the word “I” and to make more statements. A statement takes a position, unlike a question. It shows courage as you announce something about yourself before you know other people will approve of it. Even to proclaim that you prefer cats is taking a risk with a woman as she could be a dog person for goodness sake!

Start putting yourself first, both figuratively and literary, and begin to think aloud in front of women the same way you do with company you are already comfortable with.

Think Aloud

A man is confident enough to think aloud because he is comfortable with himself and with women. He is unafraid to speak his mind because he knows that it is okay to disagree with women occasionally and does not fear their disapproval for doing so; instead, he knows they appreciate a confident male regardless.

By being able to think aloud, to express your emotions, opinions, and ideas freely, you will never have to worry about running out of words or having interesting things to talk about. And when you do speak your mind with a woman you just met, she will feel much more comfortable doing the same herself; she will lower her guard and open up instead of giving bare minimum responses that risk making the conversation stall.

This is yet another reason why it is so crucial to expand your comfort zone, to lose your social inhibitions, and to let go of beliefs about being inadequate, so you feel free to be yourself in women’s company. If necessary, you can overcome any tendencies to overthink the conversation with women by putting yourself in situations where you tend to, over and over, until you start to deal with them just like you deal with all other conversations. The trick is not to memorize lines or stories or follow a script, but to lower your guard and to open up.

It is impossible to write and plan an entire conversation, but it is also unnecessary and undesirable when it comes to conversing with women. As long as you have regular social skills and are able to hold normal conversations with your family and friends, you should be able to talk to women as well. However, if you rely on canned material, you will be wasting your time developing and practicing conversations, wasting money to buy new ideas, and risk being thrown off by interruptions and unexpected turns.

Allowing your words to flow naturally is the most obvious sign of confidence when you are speaking, and it is crucial for you to be able to do this since talking is what you will usually spend most of the time doing with a woman (though not necessarily a long time) at first.

A male who talks effortlessly is sometimes referred to as “smooth,” because that is how you will appear if you are relaxed, allowing your personality to be revealed without any noticeable social inhibitions. This should be your goal and it requires speed of thought, but speed of thought is not a skill on its own or something that should be practiced; it only requires thinking aloud.

On one hand, it is a good idea for you to think before you speak so that you do not say something foolish, as you are talking to women with a purpose. At the same time, it is much more important that you be quick and not wait too long to respond during the conversation, giving the impression that you are trying to figure out something good to say instead of being genuine and honest. Women want to feel that a man is real so that they trust that he will not hurt them when they are alone eventually, and while honesty itself is not actually required, the appearance of it is because people are comfortable when you appear not to be hiding anything from them (as long as what you show is nothing but friendliness, of course).

However, a male does not have to be a perfect man to get girls, and if he opens up and tells women even embarrassing or silly things that he has done, they will just enjoy it and have a good time with him, granted that the stories do not convey a lack of masculinity, confidence, charm, or responsibility. If a male tries to appear flawless, women will know that he is only pretending. They will sense that he is trying to impress or deceive them, which will ruin his chances immediately. It is hard to come across as genuine if you always say the right things. No one is perfect, so do not pretend to be.

For a man who has been masculine, confident, charming, and responsible all his life, any story from his past will keep his appearance of being attractive congruent, but a male who has not been these things will need to pay more attention not to shoot himself in the foot when relating past experiences. Ultimately, it is the way you are today that women are attracted to, the same way you do not care if a female was ugly or obese when she was young if she no longer is so. The key is to take care in relating experiences of being feminine, uncertain, afraid, or insecure that happened recently. The longer ago your stories happened, the less of an issue they present if they paint you in an unfavorable light. Just make it clear that such stories relate how you were in the past, not how you are today.

FLIRTATIOUS

While a normal conversation and regular small talk are fine in general to make a woman feel comfortable, you have to flirt with the woman you are interested in if you want to avoid ending up as nothing more than a friend. And you must do more than just talk to a woman to flirt with her. Sometimes women do not even understand that a male is interested in them if he is too indirect and few females realize that males rarely strike up a conversation with an unknown female unless they are attracted to her.

When you talk to a woman you want, you should make it clear that you are interested in a romantic or sexual relationship, not friendship. You do this best by creating sexual tension that is not found between friends, by letting her know your intentions while keeping her desires in mind: You have to convey that you are interested in the woman sexually, that you are sexually attracted to her, and why you are, while also keeping in mind what is important to her.

However, you still need to let her get to know you somewhat by opening up and expressing your thoughts and feelings freely so that she trusts you enough to know you will not hurt her once the two of you are alone. But keep the extent of your getting-to-know-you conversation to just becoming comfortable enough to be alone and naked with each other, not to become best friends.

The classic manner of flirting would be to make romantic or sexual overtures without actually saying anything that breaches any social norms, such as suggesting or hinting about a greater level of intimacy than you actually have established; being playful; using wit, irony, or double entendres; making sexual innuendos; pretending to hear the woman say something sexual; or deliberately misinterpreting her as if she were coming on to you. Such approaches are all fine, but a male can be much more direct than that, and if he is confident and unaffected by socialization, he definitely would be.

Desire

You have to clearly show your true intentions at some point when talking to a woman you want to make it obvious that you are interested in her on a romantic or sexual level. The most confident and therefore best way to make your interest clear is to actually tell women that you are attracted to and interested in them. When they know that you are, and are unafraid of letting them know it, they see that you are full of confidence, unlike other males who avoid eye contact, act disinterested, pretend to bump into women, talk to women’s friends first, ask for directions somewhere, or start a normal casual conversation about something unimportant.

It is brilliant for a man to be so confident that he appears casual, but that does not mean it is a good idea for him to strike up a casual conversation and hide his intentions. Anyone can strike up a casual conversation about nothing of importance, and males can often do so with confidence, but as soon as they want to flirt, their confidence vanishes.

Hiding your intentions is not confident or charming, nor is it what women respond to or dream about. You do not sweep a woman off her feet by waiting for weeks, pondering, and then concluding that you want her. How attractive is she really if it takes you that long to see it and make up your mind? How flattered do you think she will be if you wait, compared to if you do it right away? How confident are you if you hesitate to tell her how you feel?

Although the ability to approach a woman at all is a sign of some confidence, when it is not followed up with more confident behavior, a male cuts himself short. And sooner or later he will have to reveal his intentions anyway, so it is only foolish to postpone it as it increases the risk of ending up with an asexual relationship like friendship.

Clearly presenting your intentions not only displays confidence, charm, and responsibility, it also shows honesty and candor, clears any confusion, and speeds things up, and women cannot get enough of it. You have to keep in mind though that there is only one way that counts, and that is to explicitly tell a woman that you are interested in her — by saying it to her face while looking into her eyes — although there are of course endless ways of wording it.

Males who hide their intentions do so for several reasons. They may lack the confidence to be straightforward, or fear rejection and believe if the woman does not really know that she is being hit on, there is less risk of being rejected. But some of them also think that hiding their intentions, such as by playing hard to get, dragging things out, or acting aloof, will actually improve their chances because it demonstrates a confident cool. However, there is actually nothing wrong with showing interest and enthusiasm when interacting with a woman you desire; in fact, you definitely should, but it is essential to show interest without impatience: You must not be eager.

When you are eager, you are not only showing a lot of interest but you are doing so in combination with impatience. And you never want to come off as impatient because it makes you act as if whatever is happening is too good to be true, you are no longer relaxed, and you will seem to want to get things over with before the woman changes her mind or before you become interested in someone else. That is neither very confident nor very charming.

It is perfectly fine to attempt to get a woman into bed within an hour of meeting her as long as you do not appear to lose any interest in her if you fail. That is how you demonstrate great interest without impatience.

Some males are indirect because they also believe that females are less interested in sex than males are or even that females dislike sex, and males must thus tread softly not to scare women off. In reality, females like sex as much as males do, and they absolutely love to be seduced by men, as it gives them what they want without having to take the responsibility for making it happen. It is what women dream of, what some wait for all their lives to experience, and what millions of romance novels that are sold each year are all about. Thus, there is no point in trying to hide it. Women will not stop you mid-sentence and say, “Wait a minute! You are trying to seduce me!” Instead, they will enjoy it, and if you do a good job of it, they will take great pleasure in allowing themselves to be seduced, much the same way males enjoy looking at a professional stripper gracefully take off her clothes.

Women will let you know if they are not interested, regardless of whether you tread softly or not, but if they are interested and you are too “cautious,” which you should read as unconfident and feminine, you only risk making them lose that interest, losing the opportunity, or having a man take them before you do because you are wasting so much time.

The males who believe that showing their intentions will actually turn women off have often had bad experiences in the past and made the mistake of associating the wrong cause and effect. If you are scared to show your intentions because you have had bad experiences by doing so, you need to reckon that it was not the display that caused the woman to reject you. You messed up other things prior to it, but the natural time for the woman to reject you was obviously not until you put your cards on the table. You had been acting like an idiot or like a woman for a long time, but she was fine with it because you had not told her that you wanted more than friendship.

The truth is that you never scare a woman off by showing your intentions. You scare her off by acting feminine, unconfident, unworthy, desperate, irresponsible, lame, or weird. If you have been doing that and finally show your true intentions you will be rejected, but not because you showed your intentions.

Way too many males have had a secret crush on a woman for a long time while acting like one of her close female friends without telling her how they really feel, only to confess their true emotions one day when the burden becomes unbearable or they become too drunk. That is when they are hugged into let-us-just-be-friends-land, and it might appear as it was because they showed their intentions, but that is just an illusion.

In reality, it is the other way around. You lose a woman by hiding your intentions from her, not by showing them. Males are losing women left and right because they either never ever show their true intentions or show them too late. You should do it right away, and then keep reminding her of them.

This will inevitably lead to being rejected a lot faster by the women who are not interested in a sexual relationship with you. But that is a good thing, because if a woman is not attracted to you, you might as well be rejected before you spend weeks around her planning to build up the courage to finally “make your move.” And if you lack that much confidence, you will be rejected eventually.

There is never an advantage in waiting to reveal your intentions. If the female is not attractive enough for you to know that you want her from the first time you meet her, you should not spend any more time with her. That is how you make friends, not lovers. Although I do not think you should spend any time with a female you are not sure you want from the start, if you do, you will still be better off showing your sexual intentions right away: If she does turn out to be a great girl, you will be in a much better position to have a sexual relationship with her than if you initially appeared to be interested only in friendship.

Few males have ever tried being this straightforward; most have not even considered it. It is hard for them to be this direct about how they feel for a woman at first. Bear that in mind when you are wondering if a woman likes you initially. Even if she does like you, she might be equally afraid to show it, at least until the two of you are alone together or after you have told her how much you like her first.

However, if you do want to proceed to seduce a woman, the most effective way to do so is to tell her what she wants to hear. Women already realize this fact, as they fix themselves up to show what men want to see by dying their hair, getting hair extensions, applying makeup, wearing fake fingernails, and wearing high heels. They may also go to extremes by getting breast implants, plastic surgery, and Botox. They do all that and much more to appear more attractive to men, and it is completely acceptable and often appreciated, as long as it is done in moderation. But males cannot make such drastic improvements in their attractiveness by altering their looks, since females are more attracted to a male’s behavior than his body. He can, however, alter his behavior, including telling women what they want to hear, to become more attractive to them.

Most people jump to the wrong conclusions when they hear that the best way for a male to seduce women is to tell women what they want to hear. Many have moral objections to it because they believe it only means lying to women, which is socially unacceptable, unlike when females lie to males. These people do not understand what women want, though, because they are stuck with the beliefs that males need achievements and amazing stories to impress women and prove their worth, or they believe that all that women want to hear are promises of eternal love or marriage. In that mindset, lying seems inevitable and therefore quickly comes to mind, but it is not the mindset that this book is about.

Avoiding lies should not be a problem as long as you understand that you do not have to agree with women on everything for them to like you, that you should not be afraid to say something that could upset them, that women love your candid opinion, that you do not need to impress them with amazing stories or grandiose achievements, and that it is not necessary to make promises you do not intend to keep.

Only males who are under the influence of bad socialization — those who lack confidence, self-esteem, and understanding of what women want — feel so inadequate that they pretend to be more rich, famous, successful, and ambitious than they really are, thinking this will make them more attractive.

Having just said that, there is actually nothing wrong with lying to women to get them into bed, but you should not bother to lie unless the truth would contradict what women really want to hear. Lying is not a deal breaker as long as women do not find out about it, but rarely is it actually necessary, so the more honest you are, the less risk you incur for having said something untrue.

In a perfect world, we could always be honest and I would love to be an advocate of honesty at all times, but unfortunately that would mean you would say things that women definitely do not want to hear, like how much better their best friend was in bed or that you do find their teenage daughters attractive.

A male needs the confidence to speak his mind when he is around women, but he also needs the wisdom not to allow that desire to be stronger than his desire to get girls. Seduction is not about saying what you want; it is about getting what you want. It is good to be assertive and tell women what you want to say, but what they want to hear is even more important, because that is how you get what you want as well. However, by now it should be clear that what you want to say and what women want to hear may not be that different, so you can actually stick to the truth as much as possible until you run into such conflicts of interest with women.

While having a reputation of being popular with women is a good thing, a man wants to avoid being known as a player, because a player is someone who lies and deceives women to get them into bed. Although females often cannot help being attracted to such men, many women will intentionally avoid them, or their friends will interfere.

Also, seducing women while being (almost) completely honest with them has to feel better because then you know it is the real you that they fall for.

There are only a few things that you need to convey to the woman you want, but these do not include promises of eternal love or marriage. All women want to feel that they are attractive, more attractive than other women are; thus, you have to occasionally make them the center of the conversation, compare them to other women, and give them compliments.

Center

The topics that are easiest for us to speak confidently and comfortably about are everything that we are interested in. That is often what we talk about with our friends, for instance. But to flirt with women means to show your interest in them, and women’s favorite subject is themselves. Thus, it is much better to focus on a woman and her interests — to make her the center of the conversation — as you should be showing interest in her.

For example, ask a woman how her day was, what is going on in her life, how she is doing, or how she is feeling if you know something has happened to her, but do not solve all her problems for her; that is what her feminine friends are for. Pay attention to what she talks about and what she likes, and remember it. Listen to her and demonstrate that you are listening by maintaining eye contact and not interrupting, even if she is going on about something that is of no interest to you. If she is interested in something that you are not, find out why she is interested in it rather than avoiding the topic entirely. By asking follow-up questions, telling her a similar story from your own experience, or giving her your opinion of something she just said, you clearly demonstrate that you are interested in her; just do not bombard her with several questions in a row.

Whether or not you are asking too many questions depends on what else you are saying, how long the answers end up, and what the ratio between statements versus questions is. You should avoid lining questions up like an interview, unless she spends minutes answering each question.

This does not mean to be afraid to talk about yourself as you have to deem yourself important; it is just that when you do center on yourself, you are not being flirtatious anymore unless it has something to do with your woman or what she just said. You have to volunteer some information about yourself without coming off as trying to impress her; in particular, you have to make her feel comfortable enough to open up, but preferably do so when she mentions something that the two of you have in common. Just avoid changing the focus to yourself all the time; if she likes you, she will be curious about you and center on you anyway.

Even if you make an effort to focus the conversation on the woman, she will inevitably ask you a thing or two about yourself if she is interested in you. This is fine, as long as you maintain control of the conversation. Although you should steer the conversation in the right direction and be comfortable enough to carry most of its load, it does not mean that you have to talk most of the time. It is perfectly fine to let a woman seduce herself if she seems happy to dominate the conversation. The more attractive a male is, the more likely the woman will feel comfortable enough to do so, and then it would be foolish to interfere.

When she does mention something out of the ordinary, however, like a special ability she has or an accomplishment, a charming man is quick to pick it up and use it to compare her to other women.

Compare

Although most women are very much alike and tend to have lots of basic interests and habits in common, like shopping, shoes, sleeping, talking about relationships, and analyzing other people, by making a woman the center of attention you will inevitably learn a great deal about her and what is indeed unique about her quite quickly.

No matter how average or ordinary a woman seems or thinks she is, all women do have their peculiarities, as they are individuals. It is the man’s responsibility to find what is special about a woman and allow her to bask in that glory and to compare her to her “competition” in every way possible, as long as it makes her look better. In the exact opposite way a bully finds weaknesses in someone and exploits them to make someone feel bad, a charming man finds the strengths of a woman and emphasizes them so that she knows she has them.

Even though women will appreciate a man liking her for no reason, they prefer that he notice special reasons to be attracted to her, which proves that he is selective. This is why you should explain what you do like about your woman, and the more she feels that it is something only she has, the better she will feel.

Perhaps you love blondes and she is blonde, but so are millions of other women. Keep this in mind when you deliver your compliments.

Compliment

Women absolutely love compliments so you should give them generously. Do not be afraid to let a woman know how attractive she is, what you like about her, and what is special about her. Also, do not underestimate how important it is for a woman to hear such things, daily, even if she is a stunning model who appears to have flawless features, including confidence, and you think she has heard it all before; she has not. No woman is flawless, has perfect “confidence” (as in actually feels certain on the inside), or has heard it all before.

Compliments are very powerful considering how easy they are to give, but that also means that you should give them wisely. You have to keep them sincere, as believability is of utmost importance. You never want to come across as dishonest, sarcastic, or ironic when you give a woman a compliment, because if she respects you, that would hurt her feelings.

It is best if your compliments are actually about her, such as how interesting she is, how good she makes you feel, how much fun she is to be around, and so on, rather than any of her accessories. Anyone can notice a pair of earrings, for example, but you are not really interested in them anyway. Leave such remarks to the males who are too afraid to say what they really like about a woman.

If you love her smile, look her deep in her eyes and say, “I love your smile.” It does not have to be any more complicated than that, although if you are able to elaborate further and keep going, such as to describe why you love it and how good it makes you feel etc., that is even better. By explaining why she has earned a compliment you also make the compliment about your standards and not entirely about her.

Complimenting a woman’s character is the most original way to make her feel good, but of course she also wants to hear that she is attractive. All women, no matter how certain they appear, want to hear from someone else that they look sexy and beautiful, which is the combination of looking feminine, fertile, young, and healthy. Telling women sincerely that they are beautiful should not be a problem, though, as beautiful females are the only females you really want and the only ones you should be flirting with. It is a mistake to think a woman has heard all such compliments before and that means you should avoid giving them to set yourself apart from other males. Only males with the wrong mindset, concerned with being unworthy of women, worry about such things.

In addition, when seeing a woman on a regular basis, remember that she wants and needs to be reminded of all the things that you like about her regularly. Women will slowly start to doubt that you are still attracted to them when you stop telling them how attractive they are. Just be careful to avoid using the exact same words and phrases over and over when you compliment women, and keep in mind that compliments can and should be given nonverbally too — something we will explore later.

Compliments should be sincere and suitable for the occasion, which is why I have not supplied a list of specific compliments to give to a woman. But the truth is, all males already know how to compliment women well, but they often keep those compliments to themselves instead of giving them away. Or they give the compliment that the woman deserves to their own male friends instead — vividly describing how stunning she appeared the first moment they saw her, how they lost their breath and could not believe how lovely she looked, without actually telling her so. Make it a habit to open your mouth and let such positive comments be heard by the actual women they concern. Think aloud! It will instantly make you a more charming person and encourage attractive females to keep taking care of their appearance, as all males truly do appreciate it, but few dare to say so.

FRIENDLY

Being friendly means helping other people feel comfortable, so you have to be friendly to women. However, keep in mind that there is a difference between being friendly and making friends. Although being friendly is, of course, a necessary part of making friends, many males have the problem of being unable to differentiate between being friendly to a woman and becoming her friend.

Males may want to sleep with all their female friends, which is often why they became friends with them in the first place, but females are different and more practical since it is behavior that they are attracted to more than bodies. To get the best sex and the best emotional support, they maintain different relationships with different people who fulfill different roles in their lives. They do not mind if their sexual partners literally come and go, as long as they are very skilled in the bedroom, and when they get their hearts broken, they will cry on the shoulders of other people who are more empathetic than sexual, more emotional than confident, more feminine than masculine, more kind than attractive.

Fear of strangers is a quite normal occurrence among humans, because strangers are unknown and therefore their behavior is harder to predict and perceived as potentially dangerous. Thus, friendliness with a new woman is crucial so that it is obvious that you are harmless to her. You have to demonstrate that you will never hurt her without appearing vulnerable, weak, and incapable of protecting yourself or her. When she has been convinced of this nonconsciously, she will be able to relax in your presence and eventually be comfortable enough to be alone and naked with you.

However, to reach that point, you do not have to take up activities together or help her out by solving all her problems, regardless of whether they are mechanical, digital, financial, or emotional. To do anything like that before you have had sex will severely diminish your chances of ever having it, because you will seem more interested in friendship than romance. This is something that “nice guys” have to learn, along with how to show women proper respect.

Respect

All women say they want a nice guy. Of course they do! No one in their right mind would say that they want to spend their time with someone who is not nice. Yet many women, especially the most attractive ones, enter relationships with men who appear not to be nice to them, while there are tons of males that seem really nice, and they always finish last when it comes to getting the girls. This superficial observation has led to the misconception that “nice guys finish last,” while a deeper and more accurate analysis would reveal that it is feminine, unconfident, uncharming, and irresponsible males who finish last. At the end of the day, the problem is not that “nice guys” are too nice; it is that they are not actually nice.

The classic definition of being nice is the so-called Golden Rule: Treat other people as you would like them to treat you. This is idiotic and makes no sense. To be nice, for real, means to treat other people as they want to be treated. That is my definition of being nice, and just like my definition of masculinity, confidence, and charm, it is a lot more effective and makes more sense because it is based in reality. Thus, to be nice to women means to understand what women want and give it to them.

This is not how “nice guys” treat women, however.

“Nice guys” tend to be “nice” to a woman by the classic definition because they want a woman to be “nice” back. They shower her with gifts, fix her car and computer, run her errands, drive her around, and allow her to stand them up without getting mad. They do favors for a woman because they think such behavior will encourage her to treat them the same way, as they believe that a woman’s company and sex with her is a favor that women are “nice” enough to do males. They are stuck in the traditional mindset of believing that sex is a one-way transaction that you can owe another person and that sex is something only males want.

This is not being nice, however; this is being naïve and misled.

“Nice guys” usually feel afraid of women and therefore hide their true romantic and sexual feelings for the woman they want, at least at first, and appear to be just like one of her girlfriends — someone to go shopping with and someone who listens to all their problems. Then when these guys finally have the courage to reveal their sexual interest in her, the woman will of course give them the famous line, “Let’s just be friends” since she thought that they were.

This is not being nice, however; this is being afraid and deceptive.

“Nice guys” also tend to listen to women’s complaints about the men women do date, lamenting that they are egotistical, insensitive, and not very romantic, for instance, but then draw the erroneous conclusion that women do not want these qualities in a romantic partner.

This is not being nice, however; this is being irrational and foolish.

A more effective and more rational strategy would be to listen to these women’s complaints and then adopt those traits, not avoid them. Sometimes you have to give women (and men) what they want by not giving them what they ask for.

Think of this issue in the same way many men with attractive girlfriends tend to complain about how their ladies spend so much time getting ready, applying makeup, and shopping for clothes, for instance. If a female who wanted to improve her attractiveness to such men took these complaints as a warning of what not to do, she would become a lot less successful than if she simply mimicked the behaviors that these sexy women display.

Sadly, women are not particularly good at helping asexual and emasculated males become less wimpy and girly by discouraging their unattractive manners. Instead, they will tell them what a “nice guy,” what a “good boy,” and what a “perfect gentleman” they are — while the same women are having sexual relationships with men who have few of these qualities, men who are often the complete opposite of how they describe their ideal partner.

This is not being nice, either; this is being unhelpful and cruel.

Women fall for “bad boys” because they are only “bad” in the eyes of our traditional socialization, the same way men actually love “naughty girls.” But some women even fall for convicted criminals, much to the embarrassment of other females and the confusion of many males. What these lowlifes have going for them, though, is that they possess the character traits that women are instinctively attracted to — confidence and responsibility — so they are nice to women per my definition by giving women what they want. Their confidence is noticeable in the way they put themselves first, even above the law, in the manner in which they believe themselves to be able to get away with extremely bad behavior, and their responsibility is evident by the fact that they take action despite a lot of risk. The fact that some of them, such as con artists and sociopaths, also have a great deal of charm makes them even more appealing to women.

However, breaking the law to get girls is definitely unnecessary and not recommended, but do not be afraid to be a “bad boy” and break the norms. You should always try to make women feel good about themselves and leave them better off than you found them. Be charming, but never at the expense of yourself. Never allow anyone to walk over you, not even a woman that you like or are in love with. You are not nice to yourself if you do, and if you are not nice to yourself, no one else will be. If this means that you are a “bad boy,” so be it.

When with a woman, feel free to perform the gestures of a gentleman, but do so for your own sake primarily as it provides excellent opportunities to kill two birds with one stone. With these gestures, you make a woman feel attractive and you seem charming as you show that you care about her, while at the same time giving yourself additional chances to admire her wonderful body. When you hold open the door for her, check out her ass as she walks in front of you, and when you pull out the chair for her, check out her cleavage as she sits down. If you like what you see, feel free to tell her so too, instead of just thinking it to yourself.

Be nice!

While successfully flirting with a woman, you will make it clear that you are not interested in friendship, but you still need to make her feel comfortable without sacrificing the sexual tension that flirting creates. To do so, you have to be comfortable yourself; you need to be calm, happy, and unaggressive — as such strong emotions are contagious. Allowing her to get to know you, at least somewhat, will also make her feel more comfortable because she will think that she can predict your behavior. And the better she gets to know you, especially the more she discovers in common with you, the more she will believe that. People we have things in common with appear easier to predict since they seem to be thinking the same way we do. Keeping these elements in mind will help you build or assume rapport with a woman.

Rapport

During longer conversations with another person, you often discover commonalities: similar interests, hobbies, and experiences and common friends, beliefs, values, and ways of thinking. Usually all of your personal friends are people you have things in common with, and the more you have in common the stronger your bond is. This is called rapport, and it is something that you want to create, or at least assume, with the woman to whom you are attracted.

When you make a strong connection with a woman, she will tell her friends that the two of you are suited for each other or that you are soul mates. While achieving that kind of rapport is great, it is definitely not necessary to get women into bed or even to form a long-term relationship. They will like and be interested in a male if they are attracted to him, not because he also loves pink and shoes like they do.

Simply spending time with someone increases rapport, because when you accumulate experiences together, you gain more things in common, but you can speed up the process significantly by discovering commonalities during conversation.

While it is good to stick to topics that you do have in common when you talk to women, you should not change your opinions just to match theirs. It is okay to have different views, and you do not have to agree about everything to get along. If you force it, pretend, or change too many of your ideas to match a woman’s, you will only shoot yourself in the foot by coming off as too weak to have your own ideas and convictions. You will not seem very confident when you are not sure of yourself, when you yield to her ideas, and that is not what you (or she) want. If she is attracted to you, it is normal that she will seek out rapport with you anyway by asking you many questions until she finds some similarity, making your life even easier, or simply not caring whether you have much more in common than mutual attraction as long as she is comfortable with you.

Keep in mind, though, sometimes when we disagree over something with someone or do not first appear to have common interests, taking a step back to explore what lies behind our specific beliefs or opinions sometimes reveals that we in fact do have something in common. You can for instance share an interest in sports, but cheer for different teams, or both of you may appreciate people with personal drive, yet one of you see it on the football field while the other see it in artwork.

However, you should definitely avoid getting into a heated argument if you disagree on a major issue if it would make you or her uncomfortable. Simply avoid digging deeper into any topic that feels like a sensitive, loaded subject.

Once a woman is comfortable with you, the only thing in common that is necessary is a mutual sexual interest in each other, something that mere friends do not have. You can spend many nights and even have lasting relationships with women you have nothing in common with other than being happy and horny to see each other. It does not need to be more complicated than that, and it can definitely be accomplished without dating a woman for weeks. A few hours are often enough, and sometimes less than one hour is.

However, if you want a long-term relationship and think it is important to share activities and hobbies, for instance, feel free to spend the time needed to find extensive and deep rapport, but otherwise realize that it is unnecessary. In the end, women are looking for a man, not a twin sister, and you do not want to wake up next to a clone of yourself wearing women’s lingerie either.

Chapter Eight

BODY LANGUAGE

Body language encompasses all of the nonverbal cues that we present to each other, both when we are silent and while we are talking. It is more than merely the way one gestures with one’s arms, but it also encompasses other elements, including the way one walks, sits, and stands and one’s posture, breathing, and eye contact. It is a universal means of communication that is automatically understood in all cultures and has developed and evolved over millions of years, with its origins from our ancestors, primates, and other mammals. It was used among our species long before mankind even had its first verbal language, and we are born to instinctively and nonconsciously use it and understand it. It is hardwired into our primal brain on a level that is deeper than our verbal faculties, much like attraction itself, which is why it matters a great deal during the seduction process.

However, before we delve deeper into the facets of body language, I want to say a few words about voice, as one’s voice serves as a bridge between one’s verbal and nonverbal communication. Yet we rarely pay much attention to our voice itself, even though it says so much about us, and if a male ignores the weight of this element, his neglect may have a negative impact on his success with women even if he is saying the right things. Your tone, tempo, and volume could reveal, for instance, that you are nervous and insecure, despite your confident words, just as it is not enough to say all the right things with perfect timing if you are speaking too fast or so quietly that women cannot even hear you.

Whenever we feel uncertain of ourselves, it is normal for our voice to suffer if we do not pay attention to it. Some people start to stutter, some lower their voices so they become inaudible, and others speed their speech up as if they are afraid that no one will bother staying long enough to listen to everything they have to say. Hence, a male has to avoid these common pitfalls so that whenever he is talking to a woman his voice sounds the same as if he were talking effortlessly to his little sister. He has to be relaxed, take his time, breathe deeply, and not hold back the quality of his voice.

It is not at all necessary for you to contort your voice in any way, and if you try to adopt a slower, deeper, more seductive so-called bedroom voice, before actually being anywhere near the bedroom, you only risk coming across as phony. All you have to do is maintain your regular, everyday voice that you use automatically whenever you are comfortable. This is enough, as long as you do not have any speech impediments that hinder your ability to make yourself understood or your pitch is so high that you sound like a girl even under those circumstances. You will have to seek professional help to sort out such issues.

Women love male singers, as they are able to express themselves freely with their voice, at least on stage. You can tell from their voices that they are more confident, less socially inhibited, and unafraid to raise their voice without having it crack or sound stifled. These are skills they often have had to take classes to develop, and the best of such vocal classes teach what I teach — more natural behavior, like the way we were before social inhibitions were introduced: As young children none of us held back our voices when we sang or spoke.

To speak normally also means that it is perfectly okay to speak with an accent if you have one. Actually, we all speak with an accent; we just might not be aware of it unless we are far from home.

Women sometimes say that a male with an accent (that is different from their own) is more attractive for it, probably because it is an indication of travel, and you need confidence to handle the uncertainty of leaving your home to travel. However, you definitely do not need to speak with an accent (other than the woman’s) to sound confident, but if you do already, do not waste any time trying to hide it.

Body language is not really a language, so the term is slightly misleading. It provides direct communication, unlike actual language, and thus is much more effective in certain circumstances. While all verbal communication has to be interpreted, nonverbal cues have an immediate impact on our emotions by bypassing the conscious stage of interpretation. If ever there are mixed messages and the verbal message delivered does not match the nonverbal communication being expressed, other people will be more likely to trust your body language as a more reliable and honest portrayal of your meaning.

Nonverbal cues will reveal your true personality and how you are really feeling if you are not consciously in control of it, and this is why it becomes a crucial component during seduction, particularly for males. A male’s verbal and nonverbal messages must be congruent and consistent for him to be believable and attractive to women. Thus, you need to be aware of and in control of your body and what messages it is sending out.

All of us already know how to read other people’s body language, since we do it every day. However, you have probably not given it much active thought. You can usually tell if someone is upset or disappointed despite their words to the contrary, just as you can tell if someone is in a good mood or woke up on the wrong side of the bed even before they have said a word. We jump to these kinds of conclusions every day, often based only on split-second observations, as nonverbal cues are considered to be very trustworthy.

While women cannot really read a male’s mind, they believe they can by reading his body language, and they can usually read his body language very well, probably far better than he can himself. They have honed this ability of reading subtle cues much better than males as part of their more “sensitive” style of communication, and this is part of what is referred to as “female intuition.” Even if a male cannot tell if another male is walking confidently, all women can. Thus, a male has to know what he is telling the rest of the world about himself, including what he says when he is not talking.

People perceive one’s posture, the way one sits, the way one walks, the way one holds one’s head, and so on as a reflection of what has happened to a person in his or her life, much the same way people perceive one’s current level of body fat to be a reflection of how one’s eating habits have been in the past — and then assume that is still the way they are today. Despite the potential inaccuracy of such an assumption, it requires little effort and comes close often enough to make economic sense from an evolutionary perspective. This is why body language interpretation is hardwired into humans.

Awareness of one’s body language is also important for another reason, as one’s body is linked to one’s mind. For example, if you adopt a proud posture even if you do not feel proud, your mind will catch up and feelings of pride will emerge. So rather than waiting for such feelings before you straighten your back and hold your head high, it is much better to adopt the posture straight away. Society preaches that a male should achieve something great before he can allow himself to act great, but there is actually nothing stopping him from doing it right away other than these societal influences on him, which he could choose to ignore, and which you should ignore.

During seduction, a male must understand his own body language and be aware of the messages that he is conveying with it, and leverage them for his best interests, rather than paying all attention to women’s body language. Males without much confidence tend to focus too much on women’s nonconscious signals and only feel comfortable approaching the women they believe are already interested in them, and then they lose their confidence much too quickly if they believe that they spot signs of disinterest from women during the conversation.

Happy ignorance is a better attitude in this case.

A woman who is interested in a man does send nonverbal signals to him nonconsciously, but no such signs are necessary to spot before you approach a woman, and only males who feel inadequate for women would look for an excuse to approach them — and that includes nonverbal signals. Hence, I will not list any of these female cues.

There are no nonverbal cues whatsoever that you need to see from a woman before you approach her, and once you are standing in front of her talking, the only sign of interest that you should care about is whether or not she is smiling, maintaining eye contact, and staying near you. Obviously, you do not want to waste your time talking to a woman who is not interested in you, but you cannot truly tell if she is interested until after you have approached her, and no one really needs me or anyone else to tell you that if a woman is not smiling, avoiding eye contact, or walking away, you have seriously messed up and she has no interest in you. You have understood such basic nonverbal cues since birth.

Some people use nonverbal techniques that are supposed to increase their rapport with other people by mirroring the other person’s posture, gestures, and breathing patterns, for instance. However, this is nothing that you should waste your time intentionally doing. Such behavior is not going to improve your success with women, as it does not work that way, but there is also a big risk that this will even decrease your chances if you focus too much on updating your poses to match hers instead of moving like an attractive male. You risk becoming too self-conscious or even appearing feminine. Do yourself another favor and avoid it, and instead use your body to send the same message your mouth is sending.

When a male talks to a woman, he wants her to feel attraction toward him, attractive to him, and comfortable with him. Thus, his nonverbal communication should convey the exact same message.

To be attractive, a male has to be masculine, confident, and dominant by expanding his body and moving spontaneously and proudly. To make his woman feel attractive, he has to be curious and protective, which demonstrates both his charm and responsibility. He must do all this while remaining cool, to show that he is comfortable himself, but also confident and charming, by not desperately clinging to women.

You will find that the body language I describe in this chapter is quite natural. For instance, all young children sit and stand with great posture, their backs are always straight, their heads are balanced perfectly on the tip of their spine, they look fearlessly into other people’s eyes, they approach strangers without inhibition, and they move without hesitation. They act this way not because they have been told to do so, as this is before they are old enough to understand verbal language, but because what we call good posture is just natural posture. However, as children become more and more socialized, their body language deteriorates. Their posture falters, their heads fall forward, their eyes become lowered, etc. They are told to make room for others on the bus, not to stare, not to put their feet on the table, not to talk to strangers, and to cower over a non-ergonomically designed school desk while sitting on a cheap chair with no lower back support every single day for a decade.

EXPANDING

As a male, you should expand your body. This means that you should spread out, keep your knees far apart, keep your elbows far apart, and keep your hands far apart. This presentation is masculine; as it exposes the most vulnerable body parts — the chest, wrists, and genitalia — it clearly demonstrates that you have a pair of balls between your legs that you would crush otherwise, plus it is dominant to take up more physical space. Women do the exact opposite; they contract their bodies because it is feminine to cover oneself, as it signals that they are more vulnerable, that they are submissive, and that they have no testicles between their legs. They tend to contract their bodies by keeping their knees together, by standing with their feet close together, or by sitting with one leg crossed over the other, and they take up even less space by intentionally sitting in corners, sometimes pressing against the window of buses and trains or at the far end of benches.

Women also usually keep their elbows close to their waist instead of sticking them out, which is quite apparent in the way they carry their purses. Typically they do so by sticking their arms through the handles and clutching the bag close to their bodies, or by bending their arm 90 degrees and hanging their bag over it instead of grabbing the handles with their hand.

Anyone who contracts his or her body will seem more feminine — more vulnerable, more afraid, and more submissive. They will communicate that they lack masculinity, confidence, and dominance. The lack of these traits makes females appear more attractive. However, it does not make males appear more attractive, but less so.

When males do it, they seem gay. Those males who typically and intentionally use contracted body language are usually homosexual, and that is probably how you have been able to guess their sexual orientation right away, even from afar. We effortlessly spot these particular males by the way they move and gesture, because they copy women’s body language, especially by keeping their knees close to each other and their elbows close to their waists, often gesturing exaggeratedly by waving their arms around while still keeping their elbows tucked in.

When males move like women, we instantly pick up on it, and many people treat those who do very differently solely on their different appearance. Being aware of this fact is a good way to really understand that the way we use our bodies (including our tone of voice, how we sit, the way we walk and gesture, etc.) instantly alters other people’s perception of us and that altered perception alone is enough for others to treat us differently, sometimes even stirring up strong emotions of love or hate.

Most heterosexual males have masculine body language, but to different degrees, just like most heterosexual females have feminine body language to different degrees. The women who are the most attractive are the ones who not only have the best bodies, but also have the most feminine body language, which accentuates their female bodies.

When you look at two equally beautiful females, like twins for instance, but think that one of them is sexier than the other, that is usually because her manners are more feminine than the other’s. This female is more “girly,” more female, and she accentuates her female curves when she stands, sits, and walks: She might cross her legs to demonstrate that she has no penis, or arch her back to stick out both her butt and her breasts.

Although a male’s body is not as significant as a female’s, his body language is part of his behavior, and it is therefore crucial for it to be masculine for the male to be as attractive as he can be to women. Women will not find a male attractive if he mimics their body language. Such behavior will turn them off, and they will react more negatively the more a male contracts his body. This is just the way things are, so you need to be aware of it when you are seducing a woman, as she is attracted to men, and the more masculine you are, the more manly you are in her eyes.

A man keeps his elbows away from his waist and his hands further apart than women do to convey that he has confidence and does not need to shield his body. For instance, he may let at least one of his arms rest on the shoulder of the chair next to him or the back of the couch, rather than placing his hands close to each other or even one hand resting on top of the other. He stands with his feet separated, about shoulder-width apart, and keeps his knees away from each other when he sits down as though he has the biggest balls in the world, and he never keeps his knees together or crosses his legs the way women usually do.

As you may already know, the phrase “to have balls” actually refers both to being a man and to having courage. These are two things women like. Women love balls. When a male expands his body this way, it is also inevitable that he will take up more space, which is suitable since it reflects dominant behavior, but this is pretty much all that is necessary. There is no need for him to be tall or muscular or to wear big fluffy jackets to appear bigger.

When you take up more space, you will be seen as more dominant, but most people have been conditioned to avoid taking up space. As children they were told to move away for strangers and to take their feet off the table, for instance. Thus, if you are taking up space in a bus, train, or cafeteria, you should not move to make room for other people until they have asked you politely. If your parents conditioned you “well,” you will probably feel an urge to sit up straight and make room as soon as you see anyone coming close.

Fight that social conditioning!

When you do fight it, you will notice that few people actually ask you to move over. They will instead keep going as soon as they realize you are not reacting as expected. They are not only conditioned to give room to others, but also conditioned that others will automatically give room to them, and are thus lost for words and do not know what to do when someone else does not do what they are “supposed” to do.

Attractive males and females have larger personal spaces in general, which basically means that other people give them more room and allow them to take up more space. A tall supermodel walking down the street will be given more room in the crowd than an ugly female who may be barely noticed or even pushed around. While the supermodel will walk in the middle of the street, the ugly female will probably press herself against the walls. But if people are not giving you a lot of space, you have to claim it, as space is not something that one sits around and waits to be given.

The adoption of masculine body language will eventually cause you to take up a lot of space nonconsciously; it will become a habit of yours, and people around you will sense it intuitively and start to give you more space. Keep in mind, though, that what you are after is respect, not fear; you want other people to sense that they are less important than you are. Some people are given a lot of space because they are repulsive or threatening, not because they are attractive. Make sure you are given space for the right reason.

SPONTANEOUS

One characteristic of people who are confident, those who always appear certain, is their spontaneity. They act without hesitation as soon as they have an idea, and they follow through on their actions rather than stopping halfway.

A male has to be spontaneous to be a man, and that pretty much boils down to avoiding hesitation, avoiding saying “um …” before he speaks, and acting on his impulses without holding anything back or paying any attention to inhibitions or second thoughts — to fully commit to his actions without second-guessing himself. He needs to do this from the very first moment he sees a woman he wants all the way through every new move he makes with her.

As soon as you know that you are interested in a woman, there is no point in waiting to approach her, although there is no magic rule that says you have to approach within X number of seconds. However, the longer you wait, the higher the risk that you will either lose the opportunity to talk to her entirely or give the woman doubts when you finally do come over. For example, when you first notice a woman you want, the longer you wait to approach her, the higher the risk that she will walk past you, disappear into the crowd, get into a taxi, leave the nightclub, change her job, move to another city, or die in a horrible accident. Or if you lean in to kiss a woman on the first date, but hesitate in your movement instead of taking one fluid motion, or pause halfway, she may turn her head for that reason alone as your body language signals that you lack confidence.

Although it is, of course, a bad idea to do so intentionally, it is usually better to say or do something stupid if it is spontaneous than to hesitate and retreat inside your head to think of something clever, as leaving the moment to think of what to say or do next will inevitably kill the flow and ease of natural interaction. You will appear less confident, not more, and over time you will lose a lot more ladies due to lack of confidence than lack of wit.

A rough default plan set in place will help to avoid hesitation to some extent so that you already know ahead of time how and what to do during key moments, such as how to approach a woman, how to ask her out on a date, and how to go in for the first kiss. In the end, however, you cannot plan every single situation you might be in, but you do not really want to either. True confidence is not about pre-planning; it is about being able to think on your feet in real time and to be spontaneous in mind, mouth, and movement. It is a general attitude, not a detailed plan of action, just like you were all the time naturally when you were young, before you were socialized differently, the same way you used to always be proud of yourself.

PROUD

As I mentioned in the chapter about confidence, a man is proud of himself and has a high sense of his personal value. When he has such high thoughts about himself, he will always carry himself with dignity, and it will be noticeable through his body language. It will be evident by his manners that he deems himself important and valuable. While shame is about covering oneself, its opposite, pride, is about showing oneself — who you are, what you have done, and what you intend to do.

However, few people move as proudly as they actually could. Most ordinary people never display much pride, and the few who do have proud body language have usually spent most of their lives serving society to achieve success first, as it is normal to be conditioned to do so before acting proudly. The exception has been the ruling class, such as royalty, which has always been conditioned to know that its members are better and more important than others from birth — including acting and moving that way. But you do not need this type of formal status to walk and talk like you are valuable. All you have to do is to adopt proud body language right away as if you too were born a prince.

Pride is most noticeable nonverbally in the way people hold their head. Your chin should be pointing forward so that your head is tilted back slightly. You will only feel the weight of your head if you tilt it too far back or too far forward. In between is a spot where it is in perfect balance on top of your spine, where it feels almost weightless.

Most males tilt their head too far forward, as if they are in a constant state of shame, or they will automatically bow their head whenever they walk past someone. If you look at someone from that position you will literally be looking up to them, communicating your submissiveness, even if you are taller than the other person. This is something you must not do. You want others, at least women you want, to look up to you — not the other way around. They will not find you attractive otherwise. Nevertheless, it is equally common that males have poor posture and tilt their entire torsos forward as well, like spineless cowards. This is something else you must avoid.

To “be” confident, straighten your back, which is easiest to do by balancing your head properly on the spine first. Interestingly, feelings of pride tend to emerge after you assume this physical stance, even though you have accomplished nothing, because feelings originate inside your body, not from the outside world.

With proper posture, you will already be standing taller than otherwise but you should plant your feet firmly on the ground as well, at roughly shoulder-width apart. This will allow you to assume an unyielding and balanced stance, which matches the unyielding personality of a man.

You should also create this same proud presence in the way you walk. Women keep their knees close together as they step forward and appear the most feminine when they put each foot on a straight line right before the other, but men keep their feet further apart when they walk.

To walk with a slight swagger is both masculine and the practice of a male with high self-esteem. While too much of a swagger will make you seem arrogant, a hint of it will make you look proud and manly. To make sure that you maintain good posture while you walk, imagine yourself wearing a cape, the long, thick, heavy kind worn by kings, and that it flows down behind your back and drags behind you as you walk. This mental image will both slow you down slightly as you walk and help you pull back your shoulders and straighten your back to its natural curve so that your imaginary cape never touches your back.

This effect could possibly contribute to the reason kings wore capes in the first place and why most male superheroes do too. It is obviously not a practical garment, but it can improve a male’s attractiveness by helping him improve his posture.

You might have heard that some females love males in uniform, and this is partly because of the posture that such tailored outfits force a male to adopt when he wears them. However, you do not have to buy special clothes to be attractive to women, and special clothes are actually not even necessary to improve your posture — as the previous mental exercise demonstrated — but we will return to the topic of fashion later.

CURIOUS

Nonverbally, seduction involves moving physically closer and closer to each other while getting to know one another using all of our different bodily senses. It is about communicating curiosity with your body.

When initiating contact with a woman, you start with visual contact at a distance when you first notice each other, which can mean the two of you are quite far away and the only way that you can connect is by using your gaze. As you walk closer, you reach a good distance for vocal contact, a point at which you can connect with your voice as well. Once you have engaged in a conversation, you will move in yet again, close enough to touch, while still maintaining the visual and vocal connection. At a certain point you will move even closer, where you will be able to smell each other, before you are so close you can taste each other — also known as kissing — and finally to use all your senses at the same time to explore her insides as well during sex.

You can also use your gaze, touch, and smell to give women compliments nonverbally, as I briefly mentioned in the conversation chapter, but the most obvious nonverbal indication of flirting is how you position yourself in relation to the woman you want. This includes both how close you are to her and the angle at which you face her. You should always try to turn your entire body toward her while at the same time positioning yourself in front of her, judging by wherever she is facing her chest and shoulders. By placing yourself right in front of her, your confidence will be as obvious as your intentions, which is ideal.

However, to not seem threatening, which would make her feel extremely uncomfortable, you must also keep your distance and pay close attention to your proximity to her initially. You have to consider a woman’s personal space and only move in closer at a pace that she is comfortable with.

Personal Space

Personal space is the invisible bubble that surrounds each of us. It is the space around us that we consider our own. Most people feel uncomfortable or even threatened if someone moves inside and invades their personal space by getting too close too fast. There is always a certain distance that we like to keep between others and ourselves, although this distance varies depending on how comfortable we are with the other person. The better we know or like them, the more acceptable it is for them to come closer to us, and people will nonconsciously distance themselves by stepping toward or away from another person to maintain the appropriate distance.

This proximity between two people is one aspect that differentiates strangers from friends, and friends from lovers. This is true all over the world, although the exact distances that people normally keep from each other differs in different cultures. In more crowded regions of the world, people’s bubbles are usually smaller, yet the concept of relatively shorter distances for people we know and like still applies.

In the Western world, personal space is considered to be on average a circle of about 4 feet (1.2 m) around us, but there is an intimate zone within just 1.5 feet (0.5 m) from our bodies. This intimate zone is reserved for only a select few we do not mind being close to — those we trust.

Your goal is to eventually be able to step inside the intimate zone of the woman you want, but the first time you approach her, you have to start by stepping into her personal space to get her full attention and to have a normal conversation without having to raise your voice. Being able to do this in a relaxed and confident manner is one of the keys to speeding up the process of getting to know each other. Complete strangers usually keep their distance with a good margin, often staying outside the personal space, and a woman is normally never that close to someone unless she has known that person for a while, which means that you nonverbally assume rapport when you move in closer faster.

Once you are inside a woman’s personal space and have started to flirt with her, the idea is to slowly and gradually move toward her intimate zone. Do this as though it is no big deal and without drawing any attention to it while you are talking to her. It takes some time to build enough trust and make her feel comfortable enough not to consciously react negatively to this move by stepping back, but how long exactly will vary greatly depending on the situation. Do not move so fast as to scare her, but do not take so long that you have become good friends already.

Abruptly invading someone’s personal or intimate space will be seen as an act of aggression, and from this act stems the expression, “get in someone’s face.” You definitely do not want to do that to a woman you like, so make sure she is comfortable before you move in.

Depending on the situation you happen to find the woman in, other people’s personal space may be getting in the way, acting as an invisible barrier between you and her. However, this must never stop you. There is no point in bothering other people just for the sake of it, but when it is necessary, you have to put yourself first as a man. Although you may have been raised with absurd ideas about putting other unimportant people before yourself in the name of “respect,” it is not a winning concept. You only win if you can convince others to believe you are more important than they are.

Invading other people’s personal space takes a lot of confidence, sometimes even audacity, which is exactly why it is so essential to have the ability to do it in front of women. However, I do not mean that it is necessary to invade others’ personal space when you approach a woman; all I mean is that the opportunities that call for such behavior work to your advantage rather than against you. Take advantage of these opportunities instead of avoiding them.

Your “instincts” will probably tell you to wait until the woman is alone or for others to clear the way for you, but that would be the timid and powerless way of approaching her, which has not brought you or any other male on earth an abundance of women so far, so that is what you should avoid.

For instance, imagine a circle of five people talking outside a nightclub, one of them a woman you want. Such a situation is usually too intimidating for most males, and if they dare to approach her at all that night, they will usually wait to do so. But that is not what a man would do. He would gently break the circle, step inside it, and start talking to the woman he wants right in front of her friends. By doing this, he completely invades the personal space of the group, interrupts the conversation, and takes actions other people would consider totally out of the question, demonstrating his confidence loud and clear.

Another reason it is essential to get close to a woman is to be close enough to touch her, but before you make physical contact for the first time, you should have made eye contact.

Gaze

Women often say that a male’s eyes are one of his most attractive physical features. Eyes earn far more points with women than big muscles or rock-hard abs do, and luckily, we all have interesting eyes, assuming that we use them properly.

However, few males do — they divert their gaze from the woman’s instead and are unable to keep eye contact for very long or at all. It is not that their actual eyes look dull or repulsive, but they simply do not let women see them long enough to appreciate them.

This is not the reason you have to be able to control your gaze, however. It is not that the eyes really are “the window to your soul,” but they do reveal your personality. A woman will easily read your level of confidence by how fearlessly you can look her straight in the eyes, and she can measure your charm by how interested in her you really are in the way that you look at her, for how long, and how quickly you look away as you make eye contact.

Males with a lot of confidence and charm, usually from a lot of experience with women, look at them a lot more, especially directly into their eyes. They maintain eye contact longer than most males do and never look away as an automatic response, and they do this effortlessly without having to struggle to keep the eye contact and without becoming nervous while doing it.

We are all born with this ability, but it is suppressed as we grow up and become socialized, as we are not only told that it is impolite to stare, but that simply looking at someone for a long time is the same as staring. As you might have noticed, young children usually have no problem looking you straight in the eyes without saying anything for much longer than most adults can, even if they are old enough to talk. But for most adult males, it takes a lot of experience or practice to be able to look women they do not know in the eyes for more than a couple of seconds.

The males who are most influenced by bad socialization, those who feel most inadequate for or intimidated by women, demonstrate this social inferiority nonverbally by quickly breaking eye contact as an automatic response, often immediately, or by avoiding women’s gaze entirely.

However, simply deciding to make eye contact and maintaining it with women until they look away first rarely works until you have addressed all of the erroneous beliefs that we have discussed so far. You should still try to, of course, but do not expect it to be easy at first, and remember that your beliefs govern your behavior if you catch yourself automatically breaking eye contact.

When you are able to confidently hold the gaze of women with the intent of waiting for them to nonverbally submit and look away first, you will notice that some women simply never do. Some even start smiling or blushing, and some look away for a split second only to resume the eye contact immediately. When a woman does this, it is because you just gave her a very powerful nonverbal compliment; you told her that she is attractive and interesting to you, an attractive (confident enough to keep eye contact) person yourself. This is perhaps the oldest form of compliment available to mankind. It is entirely universal, and it conveys the same message all over the world. It is one of the few things you have to rely on when you want to seduce women in countries where you do not speak the same language, but it is useful everywhere you go and in fact an essential companion to all of your verbal compliments.

Your gaze reveals not only your personality, but also what you are really interested in, as that is what we as humans focus our attention on. To make it clear how much more significant your nonverbal message is than your verbal message, think about a conversation you have had with someone who kept looking over your shoulder or to the side at something else. This is disrespectful as it conveys an unwillingness to invest attention in the other person. By not “paying” attention, this person is demonstrating how little they value you, which makes you feel unattractive.

Earlier I referred to time as a resource. Focus is another resource that is essential to spend on the women you want, unlike money. Not only should you spend these two resources (time and focus) generously on the women you want, but you should also be generous with compliments, both verbal and nonverbal. With your gaze you are able to make women feel much more attractive than your words ever can. Although women do still like to hear compliments, seeing them will truly make their day and increase the impression that you are charming.

Whenever you admire women, you should look at them directly and rotate your head so that your eyes face the same way as your nose. Never look at women indirectly through reflections, do not glance to the sides through the corner of your eyes, and do not wait until after they have walked past you before you turn around to see more of them. Make it a habit to be shameless. Do not be embarrassed to follow a woman with your eyes the entire time she is walking toward you or to turn your head and even your entire body to check out a woman as she walks past you.

Plenty of males intentionally buy sunglasses to be able to check out sparsely clad women when the weather is warm without anyone knowing what they are really looking at behind the shades. However, a male with confidence would never be embarrassed about anything, and an attractive male who is successful with women would definitely not be hiding his interest in them or rob women of nonverbal compliments he knows they would appreciate.

Part of showing your intentions to women nonverbally includes not being afraid to check them out, and when you do, you should not be afraid to do so directly, which mostly means to look women in their eyes. Attractive females are obviously used to males checking them out, but they are not used to males looking deep into their eyes for more than a few split seconds. When you do, they absolutely love it, and sometimes they actually think that you can see into their soul. This is why they sometimes ask what you can see in their eyes if you hold their gaze for a while. If they do ask, make up something romantic to say, unless you really can see something special.

You should look at women’s eyes most of the time before you approach and whenever you talk to them. It is perfectly okay to look at their breasts for a moment if you wish, and many males instinctively focus on a woman’s chest before looking at her face, but make sure to return to her eyes when you talk to her or when she is talking to you.

The fact that you admire her entire body is nothing but flattering to her, as long as she does not get the idea that you are inexperienced and have never seen a woman’s body up close before or if you talk to her chest instead of her face.

When you are not afraid or ashamed to admire a woman’s body, she may comment about it, but then make sure not to apologize for your behavior or pretend that you are not admiring her. To do so would be counterproductive, as you would retract your nonverbal compliment and make her feel less attractive. It is not polite; it is only foolish and unflattering.

Instead, if confronted, explain to her that she is a very attractive woman and that you find her very sexy, particularly mentioning the bodily feature you enjoy the most, which she “caught” you admiring. Incidentally, the very idea that a male can get caught admiring a woman proves how preposterous our society is, as if sexual admiration is a crime, something to be ashamed of and cover up.

There is nothing wrong with looking at women, but you should never stare at them, so you have to know the difference. Staring is not the same thing as merely keeping eye contact for a long time, the way parents lead their children to believe. Staring means maintaining an expressionless look while keeping eye contact, particularly without smiling, and it makes other people uncomfortable because you seem dead or hostile. As soon as you start to smile and there is some movement in your facial expression, the woman’s perception of you will be, “he is looking at me,” which is good, instead of “he is staring at me,” which is bad.

What you do with your mouth is an essential part of your gaze, because people have a hard time telling them apart. When they say someone’s eyes looked angry, for instance, it was often the mouth that communicated anger, as it makes up a large part of your facial expression.

Take care to smile whenever you meet a woman for the first time, but also when you meet her for dates later on. However, you should not fake a big smile or expose too much teeth for any long period of time. A fake smile might be okay for the first minute or so, but if you hold this expression much longer, women will surely notice its insincerity, and if they cannot read your real emotions through your facial expressions, they will believe you are hiding something and become uncomfortable.

Of course, it is best to smile automatically and naturally as soon as you see a woman you are interested in, as you are excited to meet her and feel good in her presence. Otherwise, you have to force a genuine-looking, relaxed, or sly smile for the first minute, until you actually do feel the urge to smile naturally. A man smiles because he is happy to see women, and he approaches them with a sly smile because he knows they are in for a treat. He does not walk around with a goofy and exaggerated grin because he is so overly excited from a lack of experience or because he cannot believe how lucky he is.

When you get good at maintaining eye contact, particularly at giving women nonverbal compliments, they will likely describe your eyes as intense or special. Although it is possible to caress and excite a woman with your eyes, and you should, it is much easier using your hands.

Touch

Females appear more tactile than males. In much the same way males can lose their heads from looking at a woman, such as a good stripper who can hypnotize her customers with her appearance, females can lose their heads from being touched, caressed, or massaged by a man.

This means that a male has to touch a woman from the very first time he meets her, and it is one crucial difference between acting like a potential friend and acting like a potential boyfriend. If a male is talking to a woman without making any physical contact, he risks coming across as more interested in friendship than sex or romance.

The purposes in touching a woman will change over the process of seducing her. Once the two of you have kissed, you may fondle and caress her to get your own juices flowing, but at first it should be more about touching her to make her feel comfortable and accustomed to your touch, and then your touch will be focused on making her horny, rather than making yourself feel good.

Although you may certainly enjoy the physical contact itself when you are flirting with a woman, in the beginning you must touch her to display your physical interest in her, to make it clear that you want her and her body, to display your own confidence, and to show that you are comfortable with and unafraid of her. Then, as time goes by, you must touch her more and more, moving your hand from so-called innocent and harmless spots on her body, such as her arms and lower back, to more sensitive locations such as her hips, legs, and neck, and finally to more sexual spots, such as her breasts, butt, and genitals, with the ultimate intent of making her aroused from your touch whenever she is near you.

This will also make her want to be close to you as it literally feels better.

To touch a woman confidently, it is vital that you are unafraid to do so, but it also matters a lot how you touch her. The specifics regarding where exactly you touch her and for how long have to be built up progressively from platonic to more and more sexual; if you touch sexual spots too soon or too long, you will be groping her, which will rightfully scare her off. To grope a woman means that your touches are unwelcome, and whether they are welcome depends on how comfortable she is with you as a person at that time. This is why a woman will be offended if you pinch her ass on the dance floor without talking to her first, but she will enjoy that very same touch if you have been doing a good job of flirting with her for a while first.

If you grew up in a physically affectionate family, touching a woman will come more naturally to you, and you might by habit already be touching women when you talk to them; otherwise, you just have to start getting used to it and intentionally do so. The more at ease you are, the more at ease women will be. And the more you are expanding your body, the more natural it will seem that you touch her too since you will not be reaching out from nowhere.

Establish the assumption that women enjoy being touched by you, and touch them without making a big deal out of it. That means you have to avoid looking at your own hand as you gently make contact with a woman, and allow the move to occur naturally as part of the conversation or situation rather than coming from nowhere. Eventually, with practice, a man will be able just to grab a woman by her hips, for instance, and pull her close, and she will love the surprising move.

Once you have started touching her, do it more and more for longer and longer periods. Even if something else, such as a waiter, a friend, or a phone call, interrupts your conversation, there is no need to break the physical contact. Keep your hand wherever it is on her, or even start rubbing her more, if others cannot see you doing it.

The more physical contact you can have comfortably with women, the better, but there is no need to push them into bushes, trip them over, wrestle them to the ground, punch them jokingly, or grind all over them on the dance floor. Leave that tasteless and timid contact to the rest of the males who do not really know what they are doing or how women want to be touched by men.

The opportunities to touch a woman in more pleasant and romantic ways are endless. You can take her hand when you lead her away from her friends or when she steps out of the cab on your first date. You can give her a hug when you part ways for the first time or upon greeting her for the second time. You can put your hand on the side of her waist when you lean in to better hear what she is saying in a crowded place, or gently guide her lower back when you are out walking together. You can stroke her hair as you tell her how beautiful it is and how much you love it, or put your arm around her and keep it there when you are sitting next to each other at a cinema, on a couch, in the backseat of a car, on a bus, or on a train. You can gently grab her hand and let your two hands rest on the table as you tell her something romantic on your first dinner together, or spank her butt as she bends over to pick up her panties in the morning after you have had sex with her.

However, depending on her personality and the level of bad socialization she has been exposed to, she may not want a man to touch her sexually at all when other people are close by. Even though other people’s opinions should never bother you, you have to keep in mind that she is allowed to waste her time with such worries and that it is in your best interest to respect that. But you should never ask a woman if it is okay for you to touch her in a more sensual and sensitive spot; instead just try it out discreetly to see how she reacts, and respect her wish if she tells you to stop — without apologizing for your move. Either she will enjoy it or she will be amazed at your audacity. A male benefits either way.

Once you have kissed for the first time, or meanwhile, your gentle touches may turn into more serious squeezing as you explore all of a woman’s curves, but go slower and lighter in the beginning while paying careful attention to how she reacts. With time, you will learn exactly where and how most women prefer to be touched. Usually as your hands find their way over enjoyable areas for women, they will close their eyes, gasp, moan, or simply tell you where they enjoy it the most.

Smell

Women spend both time and money finding the right scents for them. They understand that the best flowers not only look beautiful but also smell lovely. But the biggest difference between looking great and smelling good is that scent is more private. While everyone can see a woman from afar, you have to come in close to get to know her scent. Of the compliments that women do receive, they are rarely about their smell, which is something that you should take advantage of. You could even pay her a compliment about how great she smells upon meeting her for the first time, otherwise, the opportunity will most likely present itself when you are dating.

If you notice that a woman has made an effort to smell nice, you should definitely tell her so. Not only will she appreciate the compliment, but the fact that you are interested in her and even paying attention to the details about her will be both very clear and flattering.

However, it may not actually be necessary to tell her that she smells like a flower and that you love her perfume if your body language conveys the same message. You could lean in toward the side of her neck and slowly take a breath through your nose to demonstrate that you are taking in her smell. To do so with a gentle smile on your face is actually a good way to pay her a compliment nonverbally, and those are the type of compliments that women appreciate the most but receive the least.

One thing to keep in mind, though, is that when you are close enough to notice the smell of your woman, she will be able to smell you, too. Women on a date never small bad, as they know how to take good care of themselves down to the smallest detail, but few of them roll out of bed like that. They have made an effort to get themselves ready for the date, and so should you.

As I have mentioned, the only human sense that the two of you have left to explore each other with once you have looked at, talked to, and touched each other, is taste, which is what we usually call kissing, but you will not get that close if your breath is repulsive.

However, that does not mean you need to buy a ton of breath-freshening products or that it is necessary to taste like strawberries all the time. As long as your breath does not smell bad or does not smell at all, you will be fine. Just brush your teeth every morning and every evening and perhaps throw in a piece of chewing gum if you just ate something strong or spicy, such as garlic or curry, and of course offer a piece of gum to the woman if she ate something similar on the date.

Few people need products such as mouthwash as long as they brush their teeth twice a day. But many believe that they do, as the airways are filled with advertisements that target consumers with low confidence who are willing to spend an obscene amount of money to improve what they believe makes them more attractive. It is all part of the social conditioning aimed to make you feel inadequate.

The same basic ideas apply to how to handle your general body odor. As long as you shower and wash yourself with regular soap every day, before each planned date, and then make sure to put on clean clothes, that is enough. If you tend to sweat a lot, use a deodorant or antiperspirant, but stick to the fragrance-free alternatives. You do not need any kind of cologne. I would even recommend that you intentionally avoid it.

Females actually enjoy a male who smells like a man, so there is no point in wasting time and money on something that would ruin your natural scent and even make you less appealing. If you use too much cologne or scents that are too strong, you risk appearing feminine or trying to compensate for something that you lack. Basically, you risk excluding women if they do not like your perfume or are allergic or think you are trying too hard, something a neutral or naturally masculine scent would not.

The only reason you should ever visit the perfume department is to approach and flirt with the lovely saleswomen who tend to be hired in such places. If such a woman tries to sell you something, politely decline and tell her that you did not come for the products, you came for her. Once again, no excuses are necessary.

Most males would never even think of going to such places just to meet new women. Plus, whenever they find themselves in such feminine environments like the ladies’ section of malls, regardless of whether it is full of women shopping for perfumes or lingerie, they feel awkward and want to leave as soon as possible rather than enjoy the environment and the opportunities it presents. This is yet another example of what I meant in the introduction; that even though most males do want women, few actually act like they do — quite the contrary.

PROTECTIVE

Part of making women feel comfortable with you is your ability to shield and protect them from uncomfortable situations. Whenever you have the chance to be physically protective with your body, you should be, as women will then feel physically more comfortable while at the same time understand that you care for them. The point is to make a woman feel like she is special, more attractive than other women, and that she is worth the effort it takes to care for her. It is not to make a woman feel frail or incompetent, or to protect her because you feel the need to. You do so because you want and choose to, and if you do not feel that way, then you have not found the right woman.

While society loves a male who is protective of all females, not just the ones he cares about, and parents train their sons to become such males even to the extent of sacrificing themselves, this is not what women want. A male should only concern himself with protecting the women he cherishes, and never at the expense of himself, which is why he should not throw himself over pieces of broken glass and let a woman and everyone else walk all over him. Society would honor such a male, but his woman would not because he would be unable to protect her more than once if he sacrifices himself.

What you should do, however, includes, for example:

• Intervene, by leading her away, if someone upsets or flirts with her.

• Get in the way of anything that might be bothering her, such as dogs or beggars.

• Make sure she gets home safely, never leave her alone late at night, and never let her wait by herself in an area she is unfamiliar with.

• Grab her hand or walk behind her while gently putting a hand behind her lower back as she walks up a flight of stairs, preventing her from tripping or catching her if she does.

• Reassure her if she is afraid during a horror movie or high up in a ski lift by putting your arm around her, grabbing her hand, or bringing her closer.

• Embrace her if she is cold, but do not offer your own jacket if that would cause you to freeze to death; instead, hug her tight or quickly lead her to a warmer location.

• Carry her heaviest bag if it makes her uncomfortable, but avoid walking around with her tiny purse or all her shopping bags, as that would not be shielding her from any discomfort, but only turning yourself into her servant.

All of these gestures convey much more than words ever could, and they can make the ultimate difference in whether or not a male gets a girl at all, how long it takes a man to get her, or whether she loses her sexual interest in him and rather prefers that he act as a self-sacrificing servant.

Being able to do some of these things, however, requires that you do not allow yourself to be as bothered by your environment as a woman is allowed to be, and preferably not be bothered at all. To do this, you must learn how to keep your cool.

COOL

Attractive females are often referred to as hot, and the men who get them are commonly called cool, but have you ever stopped to think about what it actually means to be cool? What attribute is that word trying to describe? It usually refers to being relaxed, which is an attribute of someone who is confident. Thus, a male has to be relaxed around women to be confident (to appear certain), but it is also important to be cool for a completely different reason.

Women will not be able to relax in a male’s presence if he is not relaxed himself, and if he is unable to make women relax, then he will obviously never be able to sleep with them.

We will return to the topic of making women relaxed later, but for now let us discuss ways to relax yourself. This is a process that a male has to master, because if he cannot stay cool, he will seem afraid, nervous, inexperienced, impatient, or even dangerous. Overall, a male’s lack of confidence and charm will become very apparent.

The fastest way to learn to relax around women is to have repeated exposure to them. An hour of experience with a woman will be more effective than an hour of meditation would be, especially for the kind of male who believes that an hour of meditation will be more comfortable than an hour together with a woman. A male needs to get over his anxiety the “hard way” by expanding his comfort zone. Excessive nervousness and unmotivated anxiety caused by bad social conditioning will eventually diminish with increased personal experience, but a male can minimize socialization’s effects by controlling his body if he needs to. Slowing down your thoughts and relaxing your mind will relax your body, but the mind-body connection also works the other way. You can slow down your body to relax your mind.

When you are relaxed, your body will be doing certain things automatically, just like it will tend to do certain things automatically when you are not relaxed. By knowing how you would be using your body if you were relaxed under different circumstances and then consciously using your body that way, you can lead yourself toward relaxation. There is no need to rely on any external relaxant, such as alcohol or nicotine; just learn to control yourself instead of relying on drugs to do it for you.

First, you have to move your whole body slowly, including the pace at which you breathe and talk, and the speed at which you walk, gesture, and move your eyes. Thus, you must not rush toward women when you approach them, violently gesture with your arms to stop them, or dart with your eyes back and forth when you talk to them. You should also avoid fidgeting with your hands, shaking your feet, or displaying any other nervous tics.

Second, you have to react slowly instead of always being on edge. Do not be the type of person who jumps ten feet if something unexpected occurs, like when someone accidently shatters a glass or a balloon pops. You should also take care not to drop whatever you are doing immediately every time someone shouts your name, or worse, when someone yells, “Hey stupid!”

Third, you have to laugh easily. Laughter is a sign of letting your guard down and being able to express your emotions comfortably. However, do not force unnatural laughter and make sure not to laugh at your own jokes before anyone else does. Such actions make you appear awkward and nervous or as if you are seeking approval.

Fourth, you have to lean back whenever you can, because you are not going anywhere soon, you are not a clingy desperate person, you are not an inadequate male in front of a goddess, and you are not ashamed of your desires. You can lean against the wall while standing, or if you are sitting, spread out your body by putting one arm across the chair next to you or on the back of the couch, while putting one leg on the table in front of you. Remember to expand! You will also appear manlier when you do, as you will expose vulnerable body areas like your chest by pulling your shoulders back and not crossing your arms and your throat by not tucking in your chin.

You can even unbutton the top buttons of your shirt for emphasis, as doing so reveals more of the throat and upper chest area, which is one of the most vulnerable spots of the human body. The fact that you are not trying to cover up this spot signals that you are both fearless and at ease, two synonyms for confident, and since a male’s Adam’s apple and lack of breasts are then more obvious, this is also masculine.

However, there is no need to change the way that you dress just so you can unbutton your shirt, as style is not very significant, but if you already wear shirts with buttons, feel free to unbutton.

Chapter Nine

STYLE

Style is highly overrated. The clothes a male wears and the accessories he puts on have very little significance in his success with women, despite the classic adage, “Clothes make the man.” It is not clothes at all that make the man; it is masculine manners.

However, we are traditionally conditioned to think otherwise, something that is particularly evident if you pick up any modern “men’s” magazine. They all feature sections dedicated to how to improve your style, what clothes to buy, and what accessories to wear.

Sometimes the articles in such magazines state explicitly that being more stylish will make a male more attractive to women. But since every other page in these magazines displays spreads of sexy girls in between articles of what a male “should” wear, mixed with ads for jeans, jackets, and expensive watches — often showing a woman looking the male’s way or even throwing herself over him if he is wearing those products — it is normal for a male’s mind to automatically link style with getting girls, as being exposed to such imagery over and over will affect his confidence. Companies would not spend millions of dollars on advertisements year after year if this marketing strategy did not work, although none of us likes to think that we are affected.

But common sense should tell you that something is wrong with you if you feel better about yourself when wearing a newly purchased item or if you have matched your belt with your shoes. You should always feel good, and the way you feel about yourself should not be affected by how you dress.

Besides the fact that editors and writers for “men’s” magazines are as clueless as all other males about what women want, the main reason they discuss males’ fashion and accessories relates more to the publications’ own best interest. It gives them new material to publish as seasons and trends change, while what women want has not changed for a long time, and it will not change for several lifetimes, if ever. That reality is very different from fashion, which of course has not even existed for that long compared to how long men have been getting women.

Advertisement agencies have done a good job of convincing us that fashion is more than practical garments that keep us covered. People use fashion for so much more than that these days, particularly to “make a statement” and to express their personality. This is actually one valid argument of why a male may actually bother to be stylish — if he has understood that women are more attracted to a male’s personality and believes that his style is a representation of it. I am not going to argue against the validity of that argument, but I will argue against its importance. As life is so short, and there is no guarantee that you will live to see another day, it is imperative to get your priorities straight and to focus on what gives you the most bang for your buck — pun not intended.

It is true that a male can express his personality by the way he dresses, but it is not necessary to do so, and even if he does, he still needs to back that statement up with congruent behavior. Actual behavior is still the best way to express one’s personality, and it will overrule any kind of fashion statement at the end of the day. To act boldly is far more important than to dress boldly when it comes to being successful with women. If a male cannot back up the message that he is trying to convey in his style with his manners, he will fail with women regardless of how he dresses, and proper manners come from having a proper mindset.

A male with the right mindset will no longer be affected by bad traditional social conditioning, his clothes will not have any impact on his emotions, and thus his confidence will not be affected by what he wears. He will wear whatever he wants to wear, whatever he is comfortable in, without feeling a need to buy expensive brands to feel more valuable or to prove his financial ability to provide, and he will not feel the need to wear dark sunglasses or a chicken costume so that he feels certain enough to look at or approach women, and he will not feel the need to wear eye-catching accessories to give women an excuse to approach him or to have an interesting topic of conversation.

What is best for a male to wear all has to do with his attitude. Since a lot of attention is not essential for a male to be attractive to women, there is no point for him to wear bright colors for the sake of being more visible, and if he wants to put on a bright shirt because he wants to be noticed or even approached by women, he should avoid it. On the other hand, if he lacks confidence and is afraid to wear something like that even though he really wants to, or if he usually wears dull, dark garments because he feels uncertain and wants to blend in with the crowd because he is afraid of how other people will perceive him if he sticks out, he should not avoid it. At the end of the day, his attitude is far more significant and is the one thing a male should focus on, while his style should be at the bottom of his list of areas for improvement when it comes to getting girls.

Not until after a male has reached the point where his mindset and manners already bring him the success he wants with women will he know for sure how much effort, time, and money to spend on his wardrobe.

The same goes for his accessories. Would a male really wear a clumsy watch, hat, cane, bow, clown nose, sunglasses, teeth grill, big ring, belt buckle, thick gold chain, or shark tooth around his neck unless he lacked confidence or if he did not crave attention like a woman does?

I seriously doubt it.

However, one thing that certain pieces of clothing do have the potential of doing is improving a male’s body language. For instance, a male can use a tailored jacket to pull his shoulders back and make him straighten his spine, which would in turn improve his posture and help him stand more tall, confident, and proud, but he definitely does not need one to do it. He could, and should, make good posture a habit regardless, so that he always carries himself with dignity even if he is naked, because he wants to remain being attractive to women even after the clothes come off. That is his end goal after all, to end up naked with women.

I would make the same argument regarding a male’s grooming. A male can, of course, appear more masculine by trimming his facial hair to achieve a five-o’clock shadow; leave his body hair alone while rolling up his sleeves and unbuttoning his shirt so it becomes noticeable; and intentionally cut his hair so that is a bit spiky and messed up, giving the charming and confident impression that he just had sex and does not care about his hair being untidy.

However, it is still confident and charming behavior that gets males women, not confident and charming hairstyles. Correct behavior is required, but the hairstyle, or even the hair, is not. A male’s style is so insignificant that his attitude and behavior will override it anyway, so he should prioritize correctly in grooming too.

Body

While a male’s body language does matter, his body does not. Nevertheless, if you were to poll females, you would find that they supposedly prefer males who are taller than themselves. Despite this, a male’s height is of no significance to his success with women, as it is not the actual height that turns women on, but the feeling it creates in them — a feeling of being feminine, smaller and better protected by looking up to someone physically larger.

Although males in general are taller than females, a male does not have to be taller than the woman he wants, as long as he is more masculine and able to give her the same feelings that a taller male tends to give initially: the appearance of being dominant and more protective. Once again, it is the confidence and charm that matter, and if time proves that a taller male lacks both confidence and charm, he will still fail with women. A shorter male with the right manners can still have women look up to him; they will just look up to him in another way, the way that actually matters to them. Women will fall for a shorter male with confidence and charm any day over a male who is taller but lacks those traits, and most males, including the tall ones, lack both.

Hence, a man has no need for shoe inserts and should leave the high heels to the women, just as he has no need for makeup as his face is just as insignificant as his height as long as his confidence is unaffected.

If your mind is still preoccupied with how your body is perceived by women, you have to wake up and realize that women are not men. Women are with so-called losers, slobs, jerks, and idiots because, although those men may not have much going for them according to the measures of other males, their chances with women are infinitely higher if they understand, at least on some level, what women want and how to give it to them. You have to start looking at yourself from women’s point of view and not judge how attractive you are in the eyes of males — that is, unless you really are homosexual and want to be attractive to other males, but then you are reading the wrong book.

Because a male’s style really does not matter that much, a man can do as he wishes, as long as he stays comfortable and avoids relying on certain clothes or accessories. A man would never let his style (or lack of it) get in the way of meeting women, so you should never avoid approaching a woman because you are not dressed well or groomed well or because your hair is messed up (or not). Even if you run into a gorgeous girl on laundry day when you are wearing old, worn garments with holes, those are not valid reasons not to approach her, only excuses. If you ever find yourself in such a situation without approaching the woman you want, then you are obviously still rationalizing.

Part IV

THE METHOD

Simple and Straightforward

At last, now we can combine all the concepts discussed in Parts I, II, and III and formulate a general but rough plan of practice that incorporates everything covered so far and apply it in the real world, where you can interact with women.

As I have given you the basic formula and principles already, you should be able to figure out every step of the way by yourself, including how to find, meet, and seduce the most attractive women in the world. Nevertheless, in this part, I will present systematic steps to getting women, as the entire process is quite simple and straightforward yet dramatically different from common practice and conventional dating, or at least dramatically faster.

Although it is of course impossible to conceive a plan that covers everything that could happen in a social interaction, since one cannot predict and prepare for everything that might occur, by now you should know that you do not have to plan every detail, as that is not what confidence is about.

Chapter Ten

THE LOCATION

The best place to meet new women is everywhere, and the best time to meet new women is any time. Attractive females can be found even when and where you least expect it, so be prepared to approach them then and there rather than limit yourself to specific locations or certain times.

The world is your oyster, because heaven truly is a place on earth.

The ability to meet women any time has numerous advantages, much like giving women you are in a relationship with flowers when they least expect it has advantages. The effect will be much stronger if you do it unexpectedly rather than on a woman’s birthday when she expects to receive gifts and whatever you give her will have to share the spotlight with others’ gifts. Meeting women at unanticipated locations is also a lot more memorable, and women will dwell on the thought of you more if you meet at an unexpected place or an unexpected time. That is good, since falling in love is something women do by themselves, inside their heads, while fantasizing about you. That is how they fall in love with movie stars and performers that they have never even met or spoken to. It is all in their heads.

Any time and everywhere includes the streets during the day, a setting that is even more surprising and requires much more confidence than at night or in a bar where people are known to and actually expect to meet each other. There is also less “competition” in the form of other males who are seeking to meet women in public locations, and there is less risk for interference by others. Although none of those factors pose much of an obstacle to a man who knows what he is doing, it is still best to avoid problems than to have to deal with them.

By adopting the new mindset that I have presented, you will no longer be stuck with all the old limitations of conventional dating, and thousands upon thousands of more possibilities will be available to you right away, unlike all the males who wait until the weekends to even consider flirting with women. These males are basically discarding 70% of their lifetime (5 out of 7 days per week), even much more than that when their window of opportunity is only a few hours during those two days as well. And those who rely on introductions or meeting friends of friends are basically ruling out more than 99.99% of the potential women they could meet, as there are limitations to the reach of their social circles — not to mention all the time they are wasting meeting and greeting new and old acquaintances.

In reality, there is no need to wait for the weekend to go clubbing with your friends to meet women. There is actually no need to wait for the weekend, to go clubbing, or even to go out with your friends, at all, ever again. You may still want to, but you will not need to anymore.

You can take two different routes: Either you can seize the opportunities that the universe presents to you or you can create your own opportunities. That means you roam freely, run your everyday errands, buy your groceries, and go to lunch like always, but seize the moments whenever you see a woman you want. Alternatively, you decide to go somewhere women are known to hang out, such as shopping malls, nightclubs, and beaches.

A male who is still learning to become a man will make the fastest progress by intentionally creating opportunities, and as he becomes better and has more women in his life, just seizing the opportunities that the universe presents to him should be more than satisfactory.

To do this might mean you will have to go out with the sole intent of meeting women all by yourself — so be it. If you do and your friends ask you where you are going, tell them the truth: You are going out to meet some women. Do not be ashamed that you are interested in women or that you are going out to seduce them. And when you do go out with the intent to meet someone, quickly change venues if you end up where there are no women you are interested in so that you make good use of your time. This includes changing sides of the street you walk on and even taking a different route.

Attractive females are usually found where they can be seen, such as under the strongest lights inside a club or on the sunny side of the street. They consciously and nonconsciously take these spots since the more visible a female is, the higher her chances of finding a partner are; being beautiful counts for nothing unless they are noticed too (which is why getting a lot of attention only matters to females).

But if you find a well of good fortune, a place where there are tons of sexy ladies, keep this knowledge to yourself.

In most cities, there are always one or two locations where there is an abundance of women and the ratio of females to males is very high. The specific club or park usually changes over time, not because there are better venues opening frequently, but because most males are fools. As soon as they notice where the place to be is, they broadcast it to the entire world and tell all their male friends about it, making hordes of unattractive males flood the area, essentially forcing the attractive females to migrate somewhere else — as they are not interested in being in a place with lots of males, especially unattractive males. Men who are good with women usually do not go to places overwhelmed by males, but by women, and the women themselves want to be selected from a larger pool of females rather than a small one, to feel special.

The same males often have plenty of advice about where else to find women, besides which location is the most popular one. You have probably heard your friends talking about an activity they started because “it’s a great way to meet girls!” Indeed, some activities are very popular among women, like yoga and dancing, but there is absolutely no point in joining them for that reason alone. That would just be another excuse, and men do not need excuses to meet women.

Yoga classes and dance lessons are fine activities, as long as you do it because you like the activity itself, not as an excuse to meet women. If you only like such places because the chances of meeting women are higher there, you should go there and approach them without paying for the membership or the classes, the same way you can go to a bar to pick up women without spending money on drinks or to meet women outside clubs without paying the entrance fee. And if you’ve got a dog and walk it every day and like to approach women while you do it, keep doing it, but if you cannot approach women without your dog, then you are using it as an excuse to get attention, to go out, or even to have something to talk about. Until you have stripped away all your excuses first, however, you cannot tell how confident you really are, and your confidence will never increase because you stay too comfortable all the time; you will waste so much time that you will die long before reaching your potential.

Another common excuse is “the lack of women.” Plenty of males complain over the supposed lack of women in their area, as if that is the reason they are always single, never approach women, or dating ugly females. However, the real issue is that they lack confidence with women and are full of excuses instead of taking proper action. Moving to a better location will not make a difference if you are still not doing the right things, unless you are hoping to accidently bump into women as a way of meeting them, which is a very bad idea.

At the end of the day, all you really need is to find one woman you really want, and then approach her.

Chapter Eleven

THE WOMAN

Nothing is more important than choosing a woman you really want — someone who is very attractive to you, not just okay or someone you believe you can get. Men do not settle at all. If you still believe that a specific woman or a certain type of woman is “out of your league,” such as teenagers, models, or strippers, those are the only ones you should approach — not those your friends find attractive, not the females your mother wants you to marry, but those that you want.

Whether or not a woman checks you out before you approach her has no relevance either, although it is ideal that she does not do it, as it makes it more obvious that you are selecting her that way. Most males would prefer the opposite, as it feels easier to approach a woman if she has looked at you first, but it does not mean anything and it does not make anything easier.

You have to select women that are most attractive to you for three reasons.

First, it is the only way to end up with a woman you really want. Plenty of males do not comprehend that the only reason they get females but do not get the women they really want is because they waste their time with other females. For instance, if you love voluptuous women in their 20s with blonde hair but spend time talking to women who are not, you are not going to end up with what you want. It is that simple. Even if your success rate is low in the early stages because you feel more intimidated by a stunning woman, the women you do get will still be awesome simply because those are the only ones you have been flirting with, and you will not be bothered by a low success rate as you will not mind spending a lot of time with a woman who is awesome.

Second, approaching a stunning woman is not the same as approaching a plain one if the beautiful girl feels intimidating to you. You should not even practice with average or unattractive females. While you may not get the most intimidating women initially because you are too nervous, meeting them will increase your confidence (by increasing your tolerance of uncertainty), which will help you tremendously in the long run.

Third and finally, the more attractive a woman is, the easier she will be to seduce, as the more feminine a female is, the more responsive she will be to masculine manners. In addition, if you are an attractive male and approach a significantly less attractive female, she will be more likely to believe you are making fun of her and therefore blow you off.

The real reason that most males avoid flirting with the best women is because they either feel intimidated by them or feel inadequate for them, but they try to explain away their irrational behavior. They make excuses either for why it is not worth even trying with high-quality women or why settling for lower quality females is actually better. They will insist that they want more from females than their looks and that beautiful females have nothing more going for them besides their beauty. They pretend to have even higher standards and say they want a female with personality, intelligence, and talent.

I agree to some degree, except that just means that you should look for females with such traits but who are beautiful too.

These males pretend you have to choose between beauty and personality, which you obviously do not, but even if you had to, why would you care that much? It is not a maid, professor, or therapist you are looking for, but a girlfriend. You can easily hire people to take care of your home, solve your equations, and listen to all your problems, or use your friends and family.

Personality

What all these males are really doing is rationalizing in an attempt to make themselves feel less miserable to protect their fragile egos. You see, there is only one way to accurately measure how highly a male really regards himself (how high his self-esteem really is), and that is to observe the female he sleeps with — judging how attractive she is and how well she treats him.

Males who feel inadequate for high-quality women and inevitably have little success with them will claim that the most attractive females are worse in bed, high maintenance, dumb, bitchy, or already taken, which is all nonsense.

Attractive females are not worse in bed. They are the ones that become porn stars, after all, and they are as lovely, horny, and crazy in bed as a female can be. However, what the males who claim otherwise all have in common is that they have actually not had sex with enough attractive females to be able to draw such a conclusion. They have usually never had sex with even one attractive female, and their strategy of not even trying to approach attractive females guarantees that they never will either.

Attractive females are not high maintenance, although many females will seem to be if you believe you are not good enough and immediately start to overcompensate for your low self-esteem, making them rightfully expect more of such treatment. If you know what you are doing, however, that never happens. Instead, the women are quite low maintenance, as they are so happy to have finally found a decent man that they are on their best behavior and make the effort to please you. They even listen to your criticism of the few things you might wish they would improve in themselves for your sake.

Attractive females are not dumb. You will find the same variation of intelligence among attractive females as among the rest. However, since attractive females are the ones who get most of the attention in society, including being cast for ridiculous TV shows, you will not notice all the same foolish things average females do and say on a daily basis. You should not mix up the media’s selected representation of reality as reality itself.

Attractive females are not bitchy. But of course they will be rude back if you approach them badly, because they want to get rid of you as quickly as possible after your desperate attempt insulted or bothered them. Otherwise, they will be more than pleasant. Any male who keeps running into females who are giving him a hard time has to realize that he is the one and only common denominator. Not to mention, the females with the worst attitudes are rarely feminine, but quite masculine, like aggressive feminists. They are not women, so you should not be approaching them.

Attractive females are not already taken, at least not more so than other females are, and if anything, it is even more likely they are single than an average-looking female is. Most males believe the best women are already taken, so they do not even bother approaching, and they instead go for the lower quality females. Not only are attractive females available much more often than most males believe, but they are also not approached as often as most males believe. Most males feel intimidated by or inadequate for attractive females, and they dare not do anything. Everywhere women go, most males only stare and drool at them without saying a word, and if they do say something, it is by shouting or blurting out something foolish or lame. These women are not approached a lot, because all males think alike, that the best women are already taken or that they are not good enough for good-looking girls. Women do get a lot of attention, however, but that is different. Many males do give them plenty of looks, whistles, honks, shouts, comments, and questions throughout the day and plenty of offers of free drinks and lame comments at night. Although women love most of the attention, they become frustrated when attention is all they get and no male dares to speak to them in a charming or even civilized manner.

This is why so many women become jaded after a while. They stop smiling when they are outside, and some even adopt an angry facial expression wherever they go. These are the kind of women many males label as bitchy without ever having talked to them, but if they were to approach them correctly, they would be surprised to notice how happy the women would finally be to meet a great guy.

Women are only used to being approached by males who have been drinking to gather the courage to talk to them or by males pretending to not know what time it is or where the post office is located. Not a single of these approaches counts as flirting in my mind. That is not how men flirt with women. Although most attention is somewhat flattering, it gets old pretty fast and tends to bother women after a while, to the point where they learn tricks to avoid undesirable approaches, comments, and questions. They quickly avoid eye contact, wear sunglasses and headphones, look to the ground or the pitch-black darkness outside the subway window, or even look a bit angry when they are out alone. They must to keep all the unattractive males away, and it works fairly well because most males do not even dare to ask what time it is unless the woman gives them an excuse by looking at them or smiling first.

After all, women spend a lot of time studying what makeup to buy, how to apply it correctly to look their best, and actually putting it on each morning, but of course they know that a smile does more for the attractiveness of a face than any product they can apply. Whenever you see a woman with makeup on, you can tell she is obviously aware of her appearance and wants to look attractive, but if she is not smiling as well, it is very likely she is avoiding it intentionally. Unless she is having a very bad day, it is more likely that she has had enough bad experiences by being bothered too many times and has learned to keep excusers from bothering her by not smiling.

Whether a woman smiles or not before a man approaches her does not make a difference to him, however. He knows that her face will light up as soon as she can tell that he is different, as soon as she realizes she has met a man. And even if her face would not light up, he would still not be affected by this, as he is confident.

If you are already in love with a woman, she is of course the one you should approach, but do not wait to fall in love before you decide to go after girls. Unattractive males tend to wait until they fall in love and then decide to pursue the female they want, rather than dating several women until they know what they want and fall for one in particular. You have no business falling in love with a woman you have not dated. If you have not spent time alone with her on dates, you cannot possibly know enough about her to fall in love with her. Males who sit quietly across the classroom secretly admiring a female or fantasizing about a female when they are alone are making themselves fall in love with an ideal fantasy from their own imagination — which is why they tend to be so deeply in love, as she is “perfect.” Even if they did get their fantasy girl, which they never do, they would be disappointed, since the real one will not fit that fantasy. When they don’t get her, they are devastated too, since they believe they are missing out on “the one.” Either way, they end up depressed.

If you have to think about whether you want the female, you do not want her. The best girls will usually take your breath away the instant you first lay your eyes on them. It is only a matter of approaching the ones who do instead of being awestruck.

Once you have found a woman you are interested in, the next step is to approach her. It does not matter if she is with company or if she seems preoccupied. Attractive females are seldom found all by themselves, as they have a tendency not to tolerate being alone if they are feminine; they are usually with their best feminine friend or they are found in the middle of a group of other females who cannot stand being alone either.

When women indeed are alone, it is a good bet that they are on the phone talking to another female who is by herself. Women are very seldom by themselves or unoccupied; thus, you have to learn to deal with it, as discarding these situations as impossible would reduce too many opportunities to meet them. And when they are by themselves, you have to be aware that they are less comfortable, so you will have to make even more of an effort to make them relax in such situations.

While women never go to bars or nightclubs by themselves, they also rarely go to such locations and just hang out with males they are already sleeping with. Therefore, whenever you see a woman with another male in such a place, they are probably not a couple, and only he wishes they were. If they really were having a sexual relationship, they would probably have stayed at home or gone somewhere where there is more privacy.

Whether the woman you want is with a male, another female, a group, or sitting, standing, walking, talking, swimming, working, or roller-skating, it does not make a difference. You should consider yourself more important than whoever she is with and whatever she is doing, because that is what having confidence comes down to. Be dominant. This also means you might have to pull over and get out of your car if you are out driving, ask the cab driver to make an unexpected stop if you are sitting in a taxi, walk into the next passenger car if you are sitting on a train, or ask to change your seat on an airplane if you spot a woman you want to meet. It would not make sense to let such practical details stop you from meeting women.

Chapter Twelve

THE APPROACH

You never need to tailor your approach to accommodate a woman’s age, style, religion, nationality, energy level, marital status, zodiac sign, blood type, or hair color, because the vast majority of women are instinctively attracted to the same things in men. You also do not need to change your approach depending on what kind of relationship you might be looking for. Your approach should be the same regardless, and then the type of relationship will be up to you to decide after you have had sex with a woman.

As soon as you have spotted a woman you are interested in, you might wonder when you should make your move. The best time to do it is usually right away. You do not need to find an excuse first; all you need is a good reason, and the fact that you want her is reason enough. Do not wait for women to look at, smile at, or wink at you first, and do not wait for them to drop a handkerchief or a glass shoe in front of the king’s palace for you to pick up either.

Waiting is rarely a good idea, not because you have to approach a woman the first moment you see her to be successful or to appear confident, but because the longer you wait the more trouble you are asking for, both internally and externally. You may admire a woman’s beauty and behavior for a while to make sure she is good enough for you, but do not use that as an excuse to delay the approach, and make sure she does not see you looking at her like you are trying to build courage to walk up to her. That she notices you checking her out with a sly smile on your face and fearless eye contact is okay however.

The smartest thing you can do is to act fast to avoid losing the moment. She could disappear into the crowd, leave the venue, be picked up by someone else, change jobs, move out of town, or be run over by a bus. You never know. And if your confidence is low, the more time you give yourself to think things over, the more excuses will pop into your head for why an approach is not such a good idea after all — until the moment is lost, when you will regain your senses and wonder why you did not do anything when you had the chance.

The longer you wait, the stronger any feelings of anxiety will build inside you. Most males feel approach anxiety at the mere thought of walking up to a woman they do not know, which is why it is so rare to see, and you will feel it as long as you are unfamiliar with doing so, as anxiety appears whenever you are about to face uncertainty. However, such feelings will diminish the higher your tolerance of uncertainty becomes and eventually disappear once your courage is at its maximum. But it will only disappear through firsthand experiences of pushing through that mental resistance — by expanding your comfort zone. Nothing else will permanently reduce your anxiety, although swift action will always hinder it from becoming so strong that it overpowers you.

However, keep in mind that approach anxiety is not natural. You did not have it as a kid, but you learned to feel it as you were socialized to avoid talking to strangers and to believe women are a mystery. You probably had no role models to demonstrate how easy it is, as it is rare to see adult males approach women compared to how often they otherwise speak of them or want to meet them.

Men do not feel anxiety before meeting a new woman; they might feel excited, but that is a different, more positive and helpful feeling. Before you get to that point, and you do experience anxiety as you consider if you should approach a woman, I want you to think of three things. First, the feeling in your body means that you are about to do something that requires confidence, and that is what women want. Two, if you are already feeling this uncomfortable feeling, you might as well approach her; otherwise, you felt bad for no reason. Three, even if you do not get the girl because she notices your nervousness, your comfort zone will expand if you defy your anxiety, and thus you will be a slightly more attractive male afterward.

You basically win, no matter what happens, as long as you do approach her. The only way to lose is if you do not.

That you do not need an excuse to meet women includes that you do not need to have a drink before you approach them. Even so, this is the most common excuse used by males who do approach women in social gatherings, like public bars or private parties. They drink to dare meeting new women.

As alcohol does lower social inhibitions (the blocks that are caused by social conditioning), when the mental barriers are removed, it feels easier to do bold things. Your confidence temporarily increases as your ability to tolerate uncertainty is increased by the effects of alcohol. However, it does not give you lasting courage or make you brave, as people who have courage or are brave do things even if they feel hard to do, and while alcohol may inarguably increase your confidence, its positive effect is only temporary, and it comes with undesirable side effects.

It is a lot better to lower your inhibitions by yourself by making the effort to expand your comfort zone so you still have your high standards of women and good judgment intact as well as the motor skills to control yourself, your body, and your ability to drive women home the very same night you meet them. Even if it were not for the fact that alcohol is yet another excuse, walking up to women while being noticeably intoxicated is far less charming than doing so sober. You risk making a worse first impression than if you approach without being under the influence.

First Impression

The way in which you approach a woman has additional importance, as your appearance and behavior during that time will often be the first impression of you she has, and first impressions have a special and powerful impact because the human brain is designed to quickly make general assumptions and judge other people the first time we meet them.

The first impression becomes an idea of how someone is, like a mental mold built of beliefs, and people then nonconsciously look for confirmation of those initial beliefs while discarding details that might contradict them. Supposedly, we form an opinion of someone during the first three seconds of meeting them. Then, during the following 30 seconds, we shape up that initial impression and try to fit whatever new information that comes up into reinforcing that first impression. This window is open for such a short time, which means that it is even more foolish to hold back your confidence and charm in the beginning by using an excuse or acting disinterested, even if it is only done for a couple of seconds. If you do so, it means that you will have to spend a lot more time fighting an unnecessary uphill battle that you easily could have avoided.

It is not impossible to get girls by approaching them indirectly, but any success you would have with such a method you would have gotten much faster by being direct, and by being direct you would have gotten plenty more women as well.

When your approach is direct, when you are honest and straightforward with your true intentions rather than using an excuse, a woman will know that you are masculine, confident, charming, and responsible right from the start. She will have no doubt about it, and when you keep that behavior up after those first seconds, you will only reinforce the initial image that she has formed. This is what you want to achieve as it makes your life a great deal easier and the seduction process significantly shorter.

Most males do not dare to approach women at all, often because they are afraid to look like an idiot. Their confidence is too low to handle the uncertainty of not being convinced that they know everything they ought to do and say, and they have such low regard for themselves. However, it is much better to take action and risk looking like an idiot with a chance of getting the girl than not to take action and clearly demonstrate that you are an idiot with no chance of getting the girl.

It does not matter when or where you see a stunning beauty you want, your approach should be the same. It should be the same if you are outside in the middle of the day, in a club late at night, at a corporate event, or in an elevator. It should be the same if she is alone, with her mother, in a circle of friends, on the phone, hanging upside down, looking at a pair of jeans in a shopping mall, or even a combination of all of the above. It should be the same because it is based on confidence, not on coincidence.

Walk directly toward the woman no matter where she is or what she is doing. Imagine a straight line between the two of you, and walk on that line. But you preferably want to approach her head on so that she can see you coming instead of coming up to her from the side, unlike a beggar, hawker, drug dealer, environmental activist, or someone handing out fliers no one wants. If you jump a woman at the last moment by approaching her from the side or even from behind or pretend to be looking at something else until you get close, you will startle her, and that creates a very bad first impression.

Thus, if she is walking toward your direction, you should get right in front of her so that you meet head on. It is best to intercept the path that she is walking on before she can see you coming, so that the first time she notices you, you are already in front of her and on your way straight to her, making it obvious that you have seen her face, want her, and are approaching her. But in case she has already seen you or she is standing still and looking to the side when you notice her face, circling her just to get in front of her and then walking straight to her will seem odd. In this case, you will just have to walk straight to her anyway and approach her from the side or even behind. It is not ideal, yet it is still much better than not approaching at all.

Maintain eye contact with her and smile all the way as you move closer to her, even if she turns her eyes away or does not appear to notice you until the last moment. If she is as attractive as you are about to tell her she is and looks interesting enough to approach, you should be looking at her constantly as you walk toward her: Nothing else in the vicinity is more important than she and the fact that you want her. You should be smiling slyly and looking her right in the eyes so that your intentions are obvious. You should not hide the fact that you are interested in her and are about to come over to talk to her; if you do, it will not be very confident or charming, and she preferably needs to see that you are approaching so she can prepare herself for it and therefore not be startled. If you catch her completely off guard by starting to talk to her out of nowhere, she will just be frightened, which makes you look far from charming. To interrupt a woman is good, but it is never good to startle her.

Those who claim to have fallen in love at first sight might actually not have broken that first eye contact for quite some time. Regardless if that is true or not, that is how you should look at women when you do approach them to make the best impression. Ideally, you should look a woman straight into her eyes as soon as you see her, then hold your gaze all the way as you walk up to approach her, and maintain that eye contact without looking away, especially not when you flirt with her or as you say something particularly bold.

You should do this whenever you meet a woman, not just the first time you meet her, but also when you get together for dates and as you part ways and she walks away. If she turns around while she is walking away, you will be most charming if she sees you still checking her out.

Although you will occasionally run into women who stare you down all the way as you approach them without ever breaking eye contact, you should not expect most women to be so confident or that interested in you before you have started talking to them. Also, you should definitely not change your mind and abandon your approach just because you have not received her nonverbal approval first. When a woman breaks eye contact, avoids it, or fails to give you a second glance, she is not sending signs of rejection, but this is often enough to stop most cowardly and unattractive males.

Once you are close enough to start talking to her, you have to make sure that you have her full attention before you start a conversation.

Full Attention

You need a woman’s full attention when you approach her, but this does not mean that you need a lot of attention in general from women. If you are a male and crave a lot of attention, you are wasting your time and acting like a woman.

Attention matters greatly to women because having a lot of it significantly increases their chances of finding a mate by being highly visible, since being more visible increases the chances of a man finding and approaching them. This is why women hate to feel invisible, why they want to be noticed so badly, and why, all over the world, women wish they were taller. Not necessary tall, but taller than the other females in their area, which is why they like high-heeled shoes so much. This is also the reason the world is full of drama queens — females who try to turn even trivial matters into huge issues — because they like to be the center of attention, and it is why they love being photographed and have tons of pictures of themselves in their cell phone.

However, a male wishing to get the girls he wants should not focus on attracting a lot of attention and then hope for women to approach him. That is what women do, that is how women think, and it is a poor strategy to get a particular woman. Selecting and approaching the woman you want is not only the best strategy to end up with what you want, it is also what women expect and prefer from a man, which makes being passive or indirect even less effective.

Attention is not attraction; hence, you do not need to break dance, make balloon animals, take your shirt off, wear big headphones, play loud music from your car, dress like a cowboy, spray champagne, throw money around, do magic, wear large jewelry, gather a posse, greet everyone, cover your body with tattoos, show off all your shiny gadgets, or do anything else that males commonly do to bring attention to themselves.

There is no difference mentally between a young boy who joins the same class as the girl he is interested in, an adolescent guy who goes to the gym every day to beef up, and a middle-aged male who arrives to a nightclub in his colorful sports car. They all think like women; that simply being noticed is enough to somehow seal the deal, which is why most of the attention they get from this behavior will be from other males, asking them why they are taking that class, how much weight they can bench press, and how fast their car is. That sounds both gay and like a huge waste of time, because it is.

To get the small amount of attention that you actually need, all you often have to do is just walk up right in front of the woman you want and say hello. This also saves you a lot of money, time, effort, and unwanted attention from the people you actually are not interested in anyway.

To have a woman’s full attention means that you have established eye contact with her, but also that she has stopped doing whatever she was doing, which is best done by interrupting her. Having to interrupt women in some way when you approach them is great, as it instantly communicates your confident dominance as well.

For example, this means that if she is talking to someone, you have to politely interrupt them because you have something important to tell her, and you can tell you did so successfully if they stopped talking without becoming upset.

This also means that you have to physically stop a woman in case she is moving; otherwise, she will keep on going. If that is the case, just approach her head on, so that she is walking, running, or roller-skating straight toward you and you are walking straight to her. Look her in the eyes with a sly smile on your face, slow down or stop yourself, and tell her to please stop while raising your hands to make a stop gesture when you get close enough, without being so close that it will freak her out. However, if you did not see her coming in time to stop her smoothly and she walks past you because you did not say or do anything because it would have startled her; stop yourself, turn around, and tell her to please stop. Shout if necessary, the same way you would get the attention of someone who just dropped her wallet without noticing — without actually saying that she did something like that though.

No excuses are necessary.

Real Reason

If you have to stop a woman, you definitely already have her full attention; otherwise, you might need to say “Hey!” or even “Excuse me, Miss …” if she is not noticing your presence or is busy with something or someone.

For the record, it is perfectly okay to both stop her and to get her attention by saying, “Excuse me …”, as long as the next thing that comes out of your mouth is the real reason why you want to talk to her, instead of an excuse. Telling her your real reason is then the natural next step, even if you did not have to stop her, as her attention will now be completely on you wondering what you want. She will be forming her opinion of you very quickly as her mind collects all the information that she needs for a first impression.

You have to tell a woman your reason for approaching her in a way that also conveys your attractiveness and hers while at the same time taking full responsibility for your approach. If women were not conditioned to worry about their sexual reputation, you could tell them right away that you want to have sex with them because you find them very attractive. Being that blunt actually works very well with some women, those few who are unaffected by traditional social conditioning, but the problem is that it is hard to tell who those women are up front and they are far from the majority of women. A better idea is to rephrase the same message into something that is more socially acceptable and to take full responsibility without tangling yourself up with excuses that would make things more complicated than they have to be or the two of you seem less attractive.

An attractive male can start a conversation with a woman in any manner he pleases while still eliciting a good response, as the response depends on him, not his words. You can even just introduce yourself while women’s jaws drop if you are very attractive and carry yourself that way, but I assume you are not yet, and if you are unattractive, introducing yourself will just bother women. While it is true that you can literally say anything as long as it is both confident and charming, if you have not developed those skills, you will have a hard time knowing what is acceptable. Thus, I will give you one example — a simple guideline that you can follow for the rest of your life: Give her a compliment and express your intentions. Include not just one of these elements, but both at the same time.

A compliment will always be charming but not necessarily confident. On the other hand, if you express your intentions, that is always confident but not necessarily charming. Thus, you must combine the two. When you do, you are taking the responsibility too.

If you find her attractive and want to meet her, say it!

Do not downplay your interest or how attractive she really is by only calling her “cute,” do not apologize or explain that you “know that this is going to sound odd,” do not laugh nervously, do not look away, and do not bow your head or torso forward. If your confidence is low, your mind will want to do such things in the heat of the moment. Smile, maintain eye contact, stand tall, and hold your head high instead.

Also, notice that this is a statement, not a question. It is assertive and should hence be said as such. This means that you cannot end it with an inflection or pause afterward as if you just asked something and are now awaiting a response. It is not a pickup line, an icebreaker, or an excuse. It is deeper and more real than that, as you say what you really think, so make sure to say it like you mean it, since sincerity is not enough if you still come off as not really meaning what you say. You have to keep your calm, maintain eye contact, and smile without laughing.

Although being this straightforward requires a lot of balls, it is not yet another way to try to impress women. It is just a way to get a conversation going in the right direction right away. Afterward, you still need to spend time talking to the woman in an equally attractive and flattering manner to move forward. It is your general beliefs and behavior that make you successful with women, not one-liners.

Starting a conversation is really the easy part, and although it is a very important step, it is only one out of many until you have walked into the bedroom or down the aisle together. Males who are unsuccessful with women put too much emphasis on the first seconds of interaction and believe that getting girls all revolves around it, as they have never gone much further and are not aware of all the rest that remains to be done.

Audacity

A direct approach like this involves audacity, and audacity is the highest form of confidence there is. It is confidence that is so strong that not even the forces of socialization get in its way. It is behavior that challenges our conformist tendencies by crossing a social norm, and as the social dating norms are all about being indirect and using excuses to meet women, the only way to challenge them is to be direct and to take responsibility.

With audacity, you are able to execute extraordinary actions, but rather than robbing a bank in broad daylight or pulling off the greatest con in history, there are more productive and perfectly legal applications, such as getting girls. Everyone admires audacity, and women absolutely love it when you mix it with charm and direct it toward them. This combination becomes so powerful that it even has the potential to sweep women off their feet and make them fall in love at first sight.

One thing that you have to keep in mind, however, is how powerful and intense such an approach is and how women will perceive it on their end. A smooth, direct approach may make you appear intimidating to the woman that you approach, the same way that you feel intimated when you run into a stunning woman and temporarily lose your breath and ability to think clearly. That might actually happen to her. Although this type of intimidation is very different from being afraid of something dangerous, it will still put women on edge, so you have to be careful. You want to appear confident, not confrontational, so you have to emphasize that you are friendly and harmless with your body language.

It is great if you can make a woman feel nervous in a good way, to make her feel butterflies in her stomach, but you do not want to startle or scare her. However, there is no point in verbally telling women that you are friendly, as they will make the judgment themselves by observing your gestures, posture, facial expression, and tone of voice, which means that you have to be aware of these elements yourself.

This also means that you must pace yourself when you walk up to women, because if you rush toward them, you would rightfully freak them out, so a slower-than-normal approach would be better than a faster one. Your decision to make the approach should be fast, but the approach itself should not be.

Reaction

If you have never done anything like this before, your mind has probably already started to wonder how women will react. It is a normal mental reaction to uncertainty — trying to figure things out. With enough confidence you will find out and see for yourself, but I will tell you ahead of time so that you know when you are doing it right. You will easily be able to tell if you are doing it right by the way that women react to your approach, as the difference between how they react will be like day and night if you make a good or a bad approach.

When you approach correctly, women will be completely stunned. They will be delighted and their faces will light up when you tell them exactly what they want but never expect to hear, and because it will be so unexpected, it will be normal for them not to know what to say at first. Their jaws might even drop, but regardless of a woman’s reaction, you should always assume that she is attracted to you because of your behavior, and you need to move on without her approval and without hesitation. After all, you stated your intentions; you did not ask her a question, so the ball is still in your court.

You should continue by introducing yourself much the same way you would if you met someone new under so-called normal circumstances. Do this as soon as you can, especially if you meet women on the street. It is enough to say “My name is …” while extending your hand to shake hers, but keep in mind that this will be the first physical contact the two of you have, and it might be the last. Hence, you must not give her a limp and weak handshake, but of course do not crush her hand like an idiot. Feel free to maintain the grip on her hand longer than expected and enjoy her touch; you may even hold on until she lets go first, which she actually may not do.

Make an effort to remember her name, as she will feel more flattered if you do, but if you forget it, just ask her again and tell her that you tend to forget new people’s names easily — even when you like them. Chances are that she does too, and you will build some rapport that way while remaining charming.

When you have made a couple of approaches like this, you may notice that women tend to forget your name if you only say it once, and if you ask them weeks later what you two talked about the first moment you met, they will rarely recall. This is because they are not really listening to what you are saying, but they are paying careful attention to your overall behavior to form that first impression of you. They are completely immersed in the moment — as if in a trance — but you do not have to intentionally hypnotize women to get them into bed.

If you go quiet after telling her your reason for approaching and wait for her to respond, such as waiting for her to say something or to start smiling, you will lose some power. You are the man and are supposed to lead, but occasionally women will respond by saying something and start talking to you before you have introduced yourself and, if they do, just go along with it instead of interrupting the natural flow, but do not expect them to do it. If you expect something to happen, but it does not, you will too easily become fazed and be thrown off track, which makes you unconfident in women’s eyes.

Some women will be so interested in you that they cannot stop talking, while some will be shyer or less open. Their initial reaction does not matter that much, as long as they stay where they are, and if they are smiling, they are obviously happy that you approached them. You should be talking about the same things in the same manner no matter what. The only difference really will be the pace of the conversation and how much effort you have to devote to making women feel comfortable enough to loosen up.

When you approach women this way, you will always get a positive reaction, because a confident, charming, and responsible approach is the ultimate compliment to women. They absolutely love it. That does not mean that you will always get the girl though, because the approach is no more than one of many steps that you take as you “dance” with a woman. What it does mean, however, is that you are on the right track from the beginning, and your chances will be thousands of times higher than if you had approached her indirectly. Anyone who claims that not all women will or even can be responsive, open, or happy that you approach them directly simply does not know what he is talking about, and if his own experience is different, it is because he is doing it wrong. I want to emphasize this, as this means that you still have work to do and need to hone your behavior for as long as you seem to get negative reactions from women.

For example, if the woman quickly blurts out that she has a boyfriend when you approach her, you most likely frightened her. You rushed toward her, came up from the side, sneaked up behind her, or invaded her personal space too fast. You started talking to her as if seeking her approval, asking her if it was okay for you to get to know her rather than simply stating your intentions, or just behaved very unattractively. In all of these cases, she will use an excuse to reject you, regardless of whether she has a boyfriend.

If she reacts well to your approach but still says that she has a boyfriend, she is only doing it to unload the responsibility on you, not to reject you. You have to be able to tell the difference so that you can cut your losses and move on when you have already made too many mistakes early on or accept the responsibility and keep on seducing her when you still have a good chance to succeed.

Formality

Once you have gotten the formal introduction out of the way, you should proceed to get to know each other a bit, as it is the first time that the two of you meet and you have to be comfortable with each other. This will be similar to most introductions, except that you will be flirting with the woman as well and you have a clear purpose in your approach. You are looking for a date so that you can spend more time with her, either right away or later.

You have to make her comfortable enough to give you her phone number so that you can spend more time together later, or you have to make her comfortable enough to spend even more time together right away by turning the first meeting into a spontaneous date. A spontaneous date is obviously best since you are in less control of what happens once the two of you part ways, and it is the fastest way of getting girls, but it is not always possible.

If you approached her somewhere it is hard to hold a regular conversation, such as a loud bar or a busy street, you should lead her away as quickly as possible so it is easier to talk. You will basically be isolating her very early on.

If she is not by herself, you should consider doing the same thing if you think that other people might interfere or if she seems more reserved in her friends’ company, but otherwise it will not be necessary to do so right away, and you can pretty much ignore them. Do not waste any time with her friends, family, or colleagues. When you are confident, you appear to deem yourself and your desires more important than others’; you would not spend time to make friends with whomever she is with or try to make friends with such people to get closer to her. However, this does not mean that it is a good idea to be rude to her friends, but it does mean that it is a good idea to keep the time spent talking to others to a minimum. You can give her friends a smile, a compliment, and tell your woman to introduce you to them (do not introduce yourself), but nothing more is ever necessary. Two good rules to follow are (1) not to speak to them unless spoken to and (2) not to allow anyone to distract you from your woman and your attempt to get her. If a friend is interfering, but not really trying to stop you, be friendly but brief, and just turn every topic the friend brings up to be about you or the woman you want. Others will be bored by this type of conversation, except you and your woman.

Do not try to win over a woman’s friends before you have made a good connection with her. You should be more interested in your woman than her friends. However, if things are going well and she says she has to get back to her friends or find them again, tell her you would like to meet them, join her, and then have her introduce you to them (by telling her to, rather than introducing yourself). Give her a few minutes so she is comfortable knowing where her friends are and what they are doing, but then isolate her again and make another advance.

If one of you is in a hurry, you have no choice but to end the conversation prematurely; otherwise, you should never try to end the conversation quickly. The more eager you seem to want to end it, the less genuinely interested in the woman you will appear and the less attractive she will feel. If a prolonged conversation makes you uncomfortable, stick with it to expand your comfort zone. And if you enjoy her company and are looking for a way to spend even more time with her, it makes sense to make it last as long as possible while making advances along the way, rather than trying to end it quickly to be cool or to make it short because you are afraid you will mess it up when things are going well.

If you are the one who is in a hurry, seriously consider whether the woman you just met is not more important than your other engagement. Your manager or teacher will not give you a hard time if your reason for being late is stopping a sexy girl on your way to work or school, instead of some excuse they have heard a thousand times, not even if they are female.

If the woman is the one in a hurry, you should attempt to join her by gently pushing her in the direction she was already going and start walking along with her while keeping the conversation going. This is not always possible, though it is always worth to try.

Ideally, you should keep talking to your woman until you notice she is comfortable enough to be smiling, maintaining eye contact, and asking you questions about yourself. Then you have two options: Either take her phone number with the intention of being able to meet her again and spend more time with her on a date, or go on a spontaneous date right away and take her number just in case after a couple of minutes.

A spontaneous date on the spot is definitely the best option if both of you can manage it; otherwise, her phone number will have to do. For example, you could take a walk in a park or go to a café right then and there, or if you met in a club or at a party you might sit down or walk out on the balcony and consider that as the first date. If you just met her in the street or in a mall, act like the idea just popped into your head during a high note of the conversation, such as when she laughs, and tell her to have a seat or that you will join her wherever she is going. If she says that she cannot, then take her number. It is as simple as that.

Even if you manage to get a date right away and everything is going more smoothly than you ever thought possible, you should still always take her number after a couple of minutes. There is always the risk that you could lose her in a crowd, friends show up and drag her away, or her husband appears.

Chapter Thirteen

THE NUMBER

Before we discuss how to ask a woman for her phone number, let us first consider what you need to have done before that and what your real goal is.

You need to have shown your true intentions, a romantic or sexual interest in her, by talking to and flirting with her for a while before you ask for her number. During that time, you also need to have made her feel comfortable with you, as a woman does not want to give her real number to someone she does not trust. You need to have established rapport with her, at least strong mutual attraction, and have been charming enough to make her smile so she does not mind seeing you again — and seeing her again is your real goal.

The number itself is not important, the woman is. Keep this in mind when you stand in front of her. If all you wanted was a woman’s number, you could just ask her for her name and then go look it up in the phone book.

One of the big mistakes that lots of males and so-called advanced seduction methods make is to place the focus on the number itself and on techniques to get those digits as quickly as possible, rather than focusing on how to get the girl as quickly as possible. That is why males who do get girls’ numbers end up with fake phone numbers, the woman does not answer her phone, she does answer but appears to be a completely different person and blows them off when they call, or they have to spend a lot of time on the phone to convince the woman to meet them again.

When you do things right and focus on the woman instead, most women will be happy to give you their number, and those who are not interested in you will politely tell you so because they respect you for the way you approached them.

The days of getting fake numbers will be long gone when you are doing things right. That is also why I am not going to go into how to test if the number you received was real or what to do if it is not. First, if you were not confident, charming, or responsible enough, then your focus should be to deal with that problem instead of the symptom. Second, if you try to test the number, you will not appear very confident in your own attractiveness or very charming if you do not trust the woman, which can in turn make her change her mind about you — which would be a shame if the number is real.

So what is the right way to get a girl’s number? The right way to do it is to incorporate everything we have talked about so far. After your bold approach and some small talk that includes flirting, you should restate your intentions while keeping in mind her desires; you say what you want while telling her what she wants to hear.

What do you want? Her phone number.

Why do you want it? Because you want to see her again.

Why do you want to do that? You know this best, but it is probably because she is very attractive and you enjoyed talking to her.

Therefore, that is what you should tell her while at the same time handing her your cell phone or a piece of paper and a pen — still smiling, full of confidence while maintaining eye contact, and assuming that she will give you her number the same way you always assume positive outcomes for your every advance.

It is not complicated. You are not asking for a woman’s number, you are telling her to give it to you by thinking aloud, and you do it after effectively convincing her that she would not mind meeting you again by the way you handle yourself and her.

If you did not bring your phone, tell her to write her number down. And if you did not bring your own pen, she probably has a makeup pen or a lipstick in her purse that she can write with. Otherwise, ask someone in the vicinity without hesitation.

Do not act surprised or overly excited when you get her number, even if you are. Males who are surprised or overly excited about getting a woman’s number do not know what they are doing. Showing the woman you are happy to get her number is perfectly fine if you made it clear that you wanted it to meet her again, as it is charming, but to show her that you are surprised or overly excited looks unconfident.

After you get a woman’s number, you should ideally transition into a spontaneous date right away, assuming both of you can manage it. Keep talking to her, take her for a walk, sit down somewhere, or join her if she is on her way somewhere. If you have to leave, tell her how glad you are to have met her (if that is how you feel), give her a time when you will call her (if you will), and say goodbye. However, do not leave as soon as you get a woman’s number. Remember that it is the woman you are interested in, not just her number. It is not enough to say it the first moment that you meet her; you should act like it too.

You should always make the first meeting last as long as possible. The last thing you want to do is end the conversation with the woman if things are actually going well; instead, you want to ride the wave and take it as far as you can, which in some cases will result in a first date right away, a kiss, or even sex, depending on how good you are.

But if things are not going well, nothing magical is going to happen that changes a woman’s opinion of you if you rush to get her number and then leave. When you call a woman, she will be as interested (or less) as she was feeling when she first met you, not more. And since communicating over the phone is such an unnatural process, you would have to make ten times the effort to show a woman what a great guy you are compared to the chance you already had when you first met her.

Males who lack confidence and knowledge of women might use a technique to create a sense of urgency for the woman to make a decision more quickly, such as by giving her an excuse like, “I am running late so I have to go now” before they ask for her number. It actually does work and will increase your chances of getting the number, but unfortunately, it does not increase your chances of getting the girl. A woman will not become more interested in you because you are a very busy guy, especially when you have the opportunity to keep flirting with her but decide that something else is more important than she is. A male’s lack of charm will make him lose more women in the long run than his imaginary busy schedule will get him.

Now, if you actually are running late, and it actually is more important than being with the new woman, you could have a spontaneous date by telling her to join you. Just say, “I am on my way somewhere. You should join me, because I would love to keep talking to you!” if that is how you feel. Remember to think aloud.

If she refuses to give you her number or insists that you give her yours instead, you have done something wrong already. Give her your number as a last resort, but do not expect her to call you; she most likely never will. Figure out what you messed up, learn from it, swear to never repeat the same mistake again, and then go find an even more attractive female. In the highly unlikely event that she does call you, though, you must not act surprised or expect her to keep taking such initiatives. Thank your lucky stars and jump to the next chapter on what to do on the phone.

You should not give women your business card for the same reason you don’t give them your phone number, since you should not expect them to call you as you should take full responsibility. In addition, you should not rely on your business title and occupation to make yourself seem like a more interesting or impressive person; you are looking for a girlfriend after all, not a business contact or sales lead.

However, before you get some experience seducing women and get rid of all your unattractive behavior, you might get a fake number or two. Do not worry about it, but make sure you learn from it, and take each failure upon yourself, never the woman. Remember that by giving you her number, she is reacting to your action. If you want a different reaction, you need to adjust your action.

Every time you make an advance, such as approach or ask for a woman’s number, her reaction and response will be affected by what you did prior to making that move. Even if you ask for a woman’s number in a perfect way, she might still say no because you acted insecure or inadequate when you approached her earlier. And she might blow you off even if you make a perfect approach if she saw you hovering awkwardly or hesitating around the corner while looking at her for a long time before that.

Chapter Fourteen

THE CALL

Once you have a woman’s phone number, the first time you call her should be to set up a date with her and her alone. No one else is allowed to join the two of you, because you want a date with the chance of having sex with her without the risk of anyone else interfering.

If she insists on bringing someone else, you did not do a good enough job of making her feel comfortable with you when the two of you met the first time, unless you are trying to have a threesome with her twin sister or sexy friend. In that case, the other woman is of course allowed to join. Otherwise, avoid a date with her and her friends, even if it is just with one more female, as that is enough social pressure to make your woman more reserved than she would be if she were alone with you and it would hinder the romantic atmosphere and sexual tension. Although such a date is not the end of the world, it is not ideal.

During the call, you could engage in small talk and get to know each other further, but that is really what the first date is for, and you should already have spoken to the woman long enough for her to feel comfortable with you when you first met her. Save the small talk for the date; it is much nicer to meet in person where you can admire her beauty, communicate using body language, and make advances through touching and kissing her — things you cannot do over the phone.

If you have been exposed to too much traditional dating “advice” with its imaginary rules and regulations, you might wonder when you should call a woman for the first time. The answer is when you can and feel like it. You are interested in seeing the woman again, so there is no sense in waiting a certain number of days. If you met her during the day, call her the same evening, or if you went out on a Friday night and got her number then, call her sometime the next day at a time when it is likely that she has woken up already.

How happy and interested a woman will be when she picks up the phone and hears your voice will all depend on how you behaved when you first met her, not on the timing of your phone call. You can even bother her in the middle of the night if you know what you are doing. That is the beauty of doing things right from the beginning.

If you made a confident, charming, and responsible approach, she will be glad you called her no matter when you call — unless you take too long. Congruent behavior is key, and you are just not congruent if you stop a woman in the street and tell her you are interested in her, but then “play it cool” by waiting a couple of days before calling her.

Be aware that, if you are not used to meeting women and advancing quickly, it is likely that you will want to postpone the first phone call by making excuses. Your mind will insist that you should do irrational things like take a shower first, drink something, have dinner, or wait until the house is empty. Ignore such unconfident urges and call her right away. But before you pick up the phone, ask yourself why you are calling her because that is exactly what you should tell her.

When she answers her phone, tell her who it is and why you called her. Do not ask her if she is busy or what she is doing. You are more important. Tell her that you had a good time with her the first time you met, because you did, and that you would like to take her to your favorite café, to a nearby park, for a walk on the beach, or wherever you have decided. Make sure you have figured out where you want to take her ahead of time. You are the man, you have to lead, and with a basic plan there will be less risk of hesitation. However, just because you lead does not mean you cannot go someplace else if she says she would prefer another restaurant because she is a vegetarian or something, but be sure you have a default plan and suggest it to her first.

The same goes for when you will meet for that date. Avoid asking if she is free that day or if she wants to see you. Be assertive and propose a time and place instead, and be confident enough to assume that she wants to see you again. If she cannot make it, she will tell you so, and then you can work something out that fits both of your schedules. If she says that she is busy that particular night and wants to schedule another day without going into details about why, avoid asking her what she is doing. She might have a boyfriend she has not told you about, so digging deeper can only hurt you, or if she did tell you she had one, you want her to keep her mind on you. Just change the day without any fuss.

Do not remind her where you first met because you should have made a lasting impression on her when you took her number. This is also why the phone call can and should be brief, as its purpose is only to set up a date to meet. You should have interacted with her long enough before you called, either before or after you got her number, so she already knows that you are attractive and attracted to her and therefore there is no need to convince her on the phone. However, keep in mind that being brief does not mean being in a hurry. You should not rush, as you need to be relaxed to maintain a comfortable voice.

If she does not remember who you are, or if she starts making excuses for why she cannot see you again, then you messed up the first time you met her. You clearly did not approach her boldly, you did not spend enough time talking to her to make her comfortable, or you waited until she was too drunk. Her so-called reasons are just her feminine, irresponsible way of saying “No thanks.” Learn from your mistake and do a better job with the next woman.

If you call her and her machine or voicemail answers, do not be afraid to leave her a message. As always, tell her your real reason for calling instead of an excuse, but do not ask her out and expect her to call you back with an answer. You still have to lead, so you need to call her again until you reach her. And if you never reach her, she is intentionally not picking up the phone because she is uninterested in you. Once again, you messed up badly somehow. Learn from your mistake and do a better job with the next woman.

Let me also clarify that when I say you should call her, I mean call her; do not send her a text message, an email, or chat with her online. Those text-based methods of communication are as timid as passing a note in class, except it is even less bold as there is no risk anyone else can intercept the message and read it aloud in the room. You should be more bold, not less.

Never chat with a woman online or send her an email until after you have slept with her, and try to avoid text messages until you have set up the first date. Everyone can write a blunt and bold remark, but few are actually able to say it over the phone, and even fewer are able to say it face to face. This is something you will have the chance to do when you meet her on the date, but you risk not getting that far if you are too timid early on. You have to maintain the same confident manners; otherwise, the woman will erroneously think you are phony or rightfully conclude that you are unattractive.

Chapter Fifteen

THE DATE

My definition of a date is any prolonged period of time a male spends with a female he wants — a female who knows that he wants her. The first date is normally the first extended span of time that a male and female will spend together, usually for a couple of hours, but it does not need to be a formal or traditional date, just as long as the female knows she is being hit on.

The purpose of a date is to end up having sex, as that is the final seduction step, cementing the relationship as a sexual one. However, to get that far requires the woman to be very comfortable, and she must have gotten to know you by taste first, as kissing is the last sense used to get to know each other that remains. Hence, building comfort up to the first kiss is what the date is all about initially, before it becomes about making the woman horny enough to have sex.

If the two of you already spent time together when you first met, at a party, in a club, on a plane, or in a park, for example, then that would be considered the first date, and you should have treated it as such. In fact, those informal dates are often the best ones and something you should always aim for right after you approach a woman. However, sometimes a more planned, formal, or traditional date at a later time is inevitable.

Although you have to take the initiative and therefore should have some idea of what to do next, a date should still be enjoyable by itself. Do not get caught up in becoming self-conscious and obsessing over your next move. You still need to be able to appreciate the moment; otherwise, you will never be happy, not even when you have what you want.

To be able to relax and enjoy the date, you must maintain a confident, optimistic mindset. Men assume they will meet the woman again and act like it, as they most likely will, and this is yet another self-fulfilling prophecy. To do so will help you to relax and to avoid feeling rushed to get to know everything there is of the woman quickly. Do not consider the first date as a one-time job interview where you have to unload your entire personality, life history, and future plans all at once, expecting the woman to do the same, as if the two of you will never meet again.

Instead, leave some topics of conversation for later dates and even start to schedule your future together by making minor plans for later. For example, if you find out you have a common interest with the woman, you could tell her that is what you will do together the next time you meet, not asking about it, but simply confidently stating it.

This is how men display their attractive personality, confidently expecting to see the woman again, in a charming and responsible way. And it also takes care of what to do with women on future dates, which is something males tend to worry about, although they tend to worry about what to do even on the first one as well.

Activity

A common concern among males is where to take women for dates, particularly the first one, as they do not expect more than that since they are stuck in a mindset that requires compensating for their low worth by trying to impress women — which they are not sure that they will be able to do.

What they tend to forget is that they asked the woman out for a date because they are attracted to and interested in her, not because they love bowling or drinking coffee. Also, females actually do go on dates with males to get to know them. This is why it does not matter much where you go, although for your own purpose of making a woman comfortable with the intention of kissing and having sex with her, there are of course some places that are more convenient than others.

Since the point is to spend time together, not to compensate for your imagined lack of value by entertaining or impressing a woman like the mainstream media and movies portray a regular date, it is acceptable and perhaps even preferable to just take a walk or buy groceries together. If you are lazy, just find a café you like, close to your home, where you can sit in a corner with some privacy, and take all women there on your first date.

However, if you take her someplace she has never been before, she will be able to bond faster to you, since even though you may have just met, you are the most familiar thing there.

A popular place that couples go for dates that is truly a bad idea is to the movies. It may be a classic, but it should be avoided until you have already been kissing. Since the cinema is not a good place for talking, you would basically only be spending your money to sit next to a woman for two hours without the ability to make out with her or enjoy her beauty, so the date would not really be a date, as you will not be much closer to each other after it is over.

A better alternative is to watch a movie in your home or hers. But you may not be able to convince a woman to go to your home on the first date, as she needs to be very comfortable with you already (or extremely horny and adventurous) before she dares to enter your private territory. You will be able to manage it sometimes at the end of the first date, once you have spent enough time elsewhere, but if you lead her home then and she is comfortable there, having sex is a better idea than watching a movie.

Nevertheless, where you go and the activity you engage in are not going to matter that much to the outcome and success of the date, but how you handle yourself and your woman during that time definitely will. If you do something together, whatever it may be, the woman will be observing you, your behavior, and how you handle different situations and thus notice how attractive you really are and how attractive you really think she is. All women will be able to tell if a male lacks confidence, charm, or responsibility when he is with them, regardless of whether they go bowling, watch the stars, or bake cookies together, the same way all males can tell if a woman has a nice pair of breasts regardless of the activity. With this in mind, it makes more sense to avoid any kind of activity that will make you or your woman uncomfortable and use that as a guideline of where to go by excluding such ideas.

Congruence

While the first impression a male makes is essential, because it is the only impression a female has of him initially, it is equally important for him to give a congruent impression as females primarily are attracted to behavior. Just as if a male might have been initially attracted to a female with big breasts, his interest in her will diminish if he notices her chest deflate in front of his eyes. Although that is much less likely to happen in a short span of time for females since their bodies rarely change that fast, a male’s behavior can change in an instant if he is acting like, rather than being, an attractive male.

If you are direct with women and approach them without an excuse, you will make the perfect first impression, but then you also need to avoid any other manners of inadequacy later on. Although most males are unable to approach women at all without some sort of excuse, many are equally incapable of keeping women engaged without even more excuses. Or at least, they believe they are incapable of doing so.

Many males still stuck with a traditional and ineffective mindset have not only developed excuses to approach women, but also developed even more excuses to keep women entertained once they have started up a conversation, such as palm reading, prepared stories, canned jokes, and magic tricks. However, it is these males’ belief that they have to entertain women — as they believe themselves to be inadequate otherwise — that is their real and only problem. Their mindset is wrong to begin with. In reality, there is no need for a male to perform to prove himself as long as he is confident and responsible, and it is unnecessary for him to bring along props or any special skills besides charm.

The males who do use a lot of excuses to meet women might get a lot more attention; however, that is all they get. They still need to show their true intentions and real personality eventually, which is something they could have done from the first moment while they were spending energy on attracting unnecessary attention.

A moment spent practicing anything besides being confident, charming, and responsible with women would have been better spent actually flirting with girls you want to get. Focus on pursuing women directly, not indirectly. Make women excited, not entertained. Be a man, not a clown.

This is why the previous parts of this book are so essential, since as long as your general beliefs and behavior are attractive, all your actions and reactions will always be attractive too. If you really are attractive, making a consistent impression is effortless and inevitable for you. Regardless of the specific situation or scenario that you find yourself in with women, and since there is an endless number of combinations of situations and scenarios that you can find yourself in, it is a much better strategy to follow principles than it is to learn specific techniques or tricks.

With the proper mindset, a male can pretty much do anything that he likes however he wants, as long as he keeps in line with the three basic guidelines that make a man successful with women:

Confidence

Charm

Responsibility

Those are all the manners a male need to possess, express, and maintain.

Some females will either consciously or nonconsciously put a male’s character to the test by trying to take advantage of him in some way, such as asking him for favors that make him slightly uncomfortable, pointing out his flaws to see if he is insecure, or disrespecting him by crossing his boundaries and getting on his nerves. However, if they do, it is because the male has shown them signs of questionable confidence already, so one cannot blame them for trying to make sure where a male really stands. A man would do the same if he one day noticed signs that his female may not be as attractive as he once thought, perhaps if he suspected that she had stuffed her bra and her big breasts were two of the reasons why he approached her to begin with.

This is why you should never get defensive if you suspect a woman is testing you because if she is testing you she wants to see how you react, whether you stay confident or become emotional. Either ignore her behavior or return the same treatment, but always shape up so you avoid such situations in the future.

Males who have had a streak of bad experiences with women who were giving them a hard time fail to realize that they are the one and only common denominator and, therefore, things will not become better unless they improve. It is not about finding better females, because most women are simply a pleasure to be with. It is about being a better man, more attractive and better at making women feel attractive as well, which in turn will make women treat him better.

Men who are successful with women have a very low tolerance for the games and bullshit that some women try to get away with because it is so easy to meet someone new that it is not worth putting up with such hassles, games, or drama. If they did not have that kind of confidence, they would not be as successful with women in the first place.

Ironically, the better a male becomes, the fewer hassles, games, and drama he will have to put up with, however, as women treat men they respect and admire much differently from a male they do not. Until a male reaches that level, though, he is bound to experience such issues, and when that happens he has to understand the following: If he allows a woman he wants to push him around or to test his limits, that is a sign he cannot have that many options among women or that he does not respect himself very much. Those are turnoffs for the woman, as she would prefer that he did have other options and thought highly of himself and what he deserves, while still wanting her. When a woman picks up those kinds of unattractive vibes, it is inevitable that she will lose even more respect for the male and will push him around even further because of it.

Nevertheless, a woman will not be testing anything without a reason to do so, and she will already be attracted to you at the start of the date; otherwise, she would not have accepted it — assuming you did not hide your intentions and lure her there under false pretenses. As long as you do not act out of character, such as by appearing uncertain or by trying to impress her, she will remain attracted to you. However, she may not be comfortable enough to be intimate with you yet, so that is really what you have to focus on during the date.

You want her to be more and more relaxed until she ultimately has an orgasm or falls asleep with you, but there are some intermediary steps before you get to that.

Comfortable

Part of the seduction process is about moving closer and closer together until the male ends up inside the female; another part is to relax more and more together until the male finally climaxes. Physically speaking, those are the only two ingredients of sexual intercourse: closeness for penetration and relaxation for insemination. The ultimate sign of relaxation is an orgasm, which is obviously something that females want as well as males, but if they cannot relax in a male’s presence when they first meet or during their date they will certainly not be interested in going further, as it would be a waste of a woman’s time.

You can make a woman relax in numerous ways, but there is only one thing that is actually necessary to do so, and that is to be comfortable yourself. You have to be cool, as emotions are contagious, and you can actually influence someone else’s emotions by exuding the very same emotions yourself first for long enough. A man who stays calm will eventually make the woman feel calm too. This is imperative, because if a woman notices that you are nervous, there is a risk that she will also be nervous and start to feel uncomfortable.

This is a vital skill for any male, regardless of his level of ability and experience with women. It is quite normal that women will be nervous around a male before they have gotten to know him for several reasons. Before he really knows what he is doing with women, they will be nervous around him because he seems inexperienced or because it is obvious that he is nervous himself. Even when the man does know what he is doing, women will be nervous because they like him a lot and are afraid to ruin it.

Exactly how long it will take a woman to be comfortable enough to be kissed will vary; sometimes she will be ready within moments, but it typically takes a few hours. Usually, the more dates a male has been on with other women already, the better he will be able to relax as the situation is more familiar, and thus the faster she will relax as well. But if you have not been on a lot of dates yet, this simply means that it is time to get going.

Of course, there are ways for you to make women feel comfortable that will speed things up when put into combination, and you might want to consider them even more if you are inexperienced and want as much help as you can get. For instance, if the date takes place in a relaxed atmosphere, somewhere darker and quieter, the environment itself will influence both your and your woman’s mood. Simply eating together relaxes you both as well, as food is a natural relaxant.

You could also isolate the woman to relieve her of the social pressure of being watched to help her relax, but it is important not to move her too far away too fast so she becomes uncomfortable instead. The booth in the corner of a café would be a good example of a place that offers the relief of social pressure while still being close enough to other people that she has a sense of safety in numbers.

This is why restaurants are such popular places for dates, as some restaurants are known to offer all the things I just mentioned, but a male can easily create such an environment himself by dimming the lights, lighting some candles or an open fire, playing some soft music, and either cooking food or ordering take-out in his own home. However, as his home does not offer the same sense of safety as a public place would, it can be hard to schedule the first date there successfully. But please feel free to attempt it if you wish.

If you know how to give massages and the topic comes up and it seems appropriate to demonstrate it, you could also give the woman a backrub or spend a few minutes squeezing her neck or shoulders. But you definitely do not need to give massages to be successful with women, and only males who feel inadequate for women would bother to take massaging lessons as a means to get girls. If you know how to do this already, you might as well use it, but do not waste your time studying it otherwise, and do not offer massages unexpectedly to try to impress a woman. Nevertheless, remember that you do have to touch her a lot during the date.

With imagination, I am sure that you can think of even more ways to help women relax. However, there is one thing that you should avoid relying on to relax both yourself before approaching women or to help women relax on a date, and that is drugs. Although there are differences in the amounts needed for the same effect, the biggest difference between alcohol and substances labeled as date-rape drugs is that alcohol traditionally has been socially acceptable. It is still a drug though, and only males who feel inadequate or intimidated rely on drugs to get girls.

Drinking

Relying on alcohol is foolish, as it costs a lot of money, requires time to drink, requires more time to take effect, impairs one’s judgment, impairs one’s movement, risks turning women off, and is impractical as it is not always available. It also makes stupidity, violence, and obnoxiousness come out of some people. But the real issue of relying on it is that it is unnecessary, and only a male who is stuck in the traditional mindset full of social inhibitions would do so.

To the great disappointment of many people, there are no fountains of alcohol in nature, and it is nothing that mankind actually needs. Yet, many people want it badly, as it can serve as a manmade solution to a manmade problem. One of its most noticeable effects on the human system is that it lowers social inhibitions, but those inhibitions are the very result of our traditional socialization.

If males did not feel hindered in social situations because they lack the confidence they had when they were born, they would never feel the need for alcohol, and it is quite likely that it would never have become as popular as it is today.

Since the dawn of its invention, mankind has used alcohol as a social lubricant, particularly as an excuse for males to make contact with females. Many males drink for the sole purpose of its effect on them, and they are well aware that they feel socially awkward or too shy to make contact with new females without it, but they are too weak and cowardly to actually do anything about the real problem — their lack of balls.

A successful seduction strategy should work on the majority of women, even those who will not or cannot drink alcohol — those who are too young to drink, who do not like it, whose religion prohibits it, or who are recovering alcoholics. Beautiful girls can be found in all such categories, so it would be a shame not to be able to date them.

Obviously, alcohol can be used for its enjoyment, particularly when it comes in the form of a good wine or tasty cocktail. Thus, a bottle of wine is fine when the two of you have your first date to help set the romantic mood, if both of you enjoy it. But it should not be a necessity for you to relax yourself or to get the girl drunk.

To help you and your woman relax, you will make your life easier by trying to make the date somewhat romantic, or at least non-platonic — but alcohol is not necessary to do this. Whether the date is platonic or not will depend on how you handle it, if you are flirting with the woman or not, but you can emphasize your outspoken intentions with a romantic environment. This would also make the woman comfortable more quickly and ease the transition to the first kiss, even though a smooth transition to the kiss is not that important. A man can sometimes just grab the woman and kiss her and “get away” with it, assuming she is attracted to him, but a less experienced or confident male is bound to mess up such an assertive move. However, please feel free to attempt it if you wish.

A nice restaurant or a lounge in the tallest building in the city with a great view may offer a romantic atmosphere that could be worth the money, but when a male has lost all need to impress women, when his confidence is high already, there is a good chance that he would rather spend that money on something else or put it into a savings account for rainy days.

The easiest way to make a date more romantic, however, has nothing to do with where to go and everything to do with when to go. The evening is the best time to have all dates, although a spontaneous date right after the approach — no matter the time of day — is of course ideal.

Timing

The evening presents several advantages; the environment will be more romantic, and the transition to get women back home to sleep with them will also be more natural, since the date will end around bedtime.

While it is still possible for a man to get a woman back to his place during the day, it will require much more skill, and there is always the risk that the woman will make other plans for the same evening that limit the time that she can spend with you. If things are going well on a date, the time will seem to fly, and when that happens, you do not want a woman to rush off somewhere else, but instead to spend the rest of the night with you. You also want her to be able to relax without having later plans lingering in her head while the two of you are together.

Sometime around 8:00 p.m. is usually a good time, as it is late enough for women to have gotten home from school or work, with enough time to get themselves ready for a date, while still leaving a couple hours for the date itself before bedtime. Friday and Saturday nights are of course ideal in case both you and she only have the weekend off and neither of you has to worry about getting up early in the morning. However, dating will take way too long if you stick to only one or two nights of the week. You can and should have dates on any day of the week to speed things up, especially if you want to date multiple women or cannot live forever.

Scheduling dates on any day of the week should not be a problem, as you do not need an excuse, like a special occasion, to meet women. You already have a reason that is good enough, and that is that you want to meet them. Waiting for special occasions is a bad strategy in that it limits your opportunities to only calling women for events, rather than whenever you feel like it, and the risk is higher that they will already be busy on those kinds of days compared to a regular Wednesday.

Regardless of what time and what day you decide to meet a woman, if you have decided to go someplace, you should meet up with her first and go there together instead of meeting her at the final destination. Since the point of the date is to spend time together, one might as well meet where it is easier to find each other and then go the last bit together, especially if you are headed to an obscure café or the zoo outside town.

A woman will also feel more comfortable if you meet her in a public place that is easy to find and then start walking somewhere together, and that also gives you the chance to start the date by leading her, to show that you care for her, and to enjoy her company for a while longer.

You should also always insist on making sure that she gets home safely at the end of the date if she is unwilling or unable to follow you home, because that is charming and responsible. You will not only show that you care about her but also that you like her a lot and want to spend as much time with her as possible. She will appreciate your behavior. Even if it only means you get to spend an additional ten more minutes in a cab. That is still ten more minutes you can be either flirting or making out, which is both more enjoyable than giving up and much better as it keeps the possibility of her changing her mind open for a bit longer.

To begin the date by meeting women at a public place, like a landmark that is easy to find, also reduces the risk of them getting lost and you losing even more time that you could have spent together. It is likely that you will miss the first 15 minutes of the date anyway, because women rarely arrive on time, even if the meeting place is easy to find and easy to reach.

It is normal for women to arrive late for dates, so you need to be aware of it and know how to handle it. Males who are not very attractive to women constantly have to deal with women who are late because they do not respect their time. However, if you approach them and set up the date in a confident, charming, and responsible manner, women will never be late because they lack respect for you. But they may still be late for other reasons, so a responsible man never expects them to be on time and always has some buffer in between the time they are supposed to meet and the time they need to arrive somewhere — to catch a bus that leaves on schedule or a table booked in a restaurant at a specific time, for instance.

Anticipating problems is part of being responsible.

However, if a woman does not show up at all without having canceled ahead of time to demonstrate that she cares about you, it is always because you have messed something up when you approached her, when you arranged the date, or both. It simply does not occur otherwise, so you will have to think back to what you said or did that you were not supposed to have done, and swear never to repeat those mistakes again with other women.

While having the self-respect of a man means to both expect and demand other people to respect you and your time, it is a bad idea to call women up just because they are running one minute late for a date. A man is confident that he is attractive enough and has been with enough women in the past to know how they usually behave and allows women to be a couple of minutes late, as they often are.

Women are late because they have poor time management skills and spend too much time applying makeup and getting dressed for their man. If he were to call the woman up and act all insecure and inexperienced, he would be shooting himself in the foot. If you find yourself in this situation, you should give the woman a couple of minutes before calmly calling her to ask her how she is doing, to make sure she is okay, where she is, and when she expects to arrive, while letting her know that you have just arrived yourself and cannot wait to see her again.

It is always much better to be charming than to freak out.

When the woman finally does arrive, you should also give her an extra big smile, check her out more than usual, remind her that she is late, but also tell her that she looks better than ever and it was worth the wait, if it was. Chances are that she has made more of an effort to look good for you and will be happy that you not only notice but also appreciate it.

As far as planning what to do on a date, a man does not need to know more than when and where to meet the woman. No more is ever necessary, and the rest will take care of itself splendidly as long as you have internalized the mindset and manners from Parts I, II, and III. When you have, you may not know how to handle everything ahead of time, but then you will not be concerned with feeling a need to do so, and you will definitely be able to handle everything correctly as it occurs.

It is fine to have a couple of dates until you finally get a girl into bed, as long as you make sure to pick up where you left off the last time instead of repeating the same date endlessly. Males who date females for weeks or even months without having sex with them are not advancing, or they do, but then start all over on the next date. Life is too short for that. If you met a woman in a public place last time, meet her where it is more private the next time. If you met her during the day last time, meet her in the evening the next time. If you held her hand while walking her home last time, grab her hand right away the next time. If the last thing you did when you parted ways was to kiss, make that the first thing you do the next time you see her.

This is a very easy practice to speed up the dating process from weeks into days and to make sure that you are moving along without wasting time.

Dating for a couple of days before you have sex will seem too good to be true to some males, but you should be mentally prepared to go all the way on the first date. Sex on the first date is not only possible, but also likely for a man who knows what he is doing, or at least for a male who follows advice from someone who does. Hence, if the date goes well, you should not wait to take it to the next level, and definitely do not end it, but instead kiss her, and if that goes well, kiss her even more and finally have sex with her.

Nevertheless, kissing comes first.

Chapter Sixteen

THE KISS

Assuming that you are still interested in the woman sexually, you should always go for a kiss during the first date. It is still not too late on the second date, but there is no point and definitely no advantage in waiting. If you start thinking it might be a good idea to wait for the next date, that is your lack of confidence messing with you, so go for the kiss on the first.

The first kiss is special, as you are getting to know each other on a new level. You both get to taste each other for the first time, after having seen, heard, smelled, and touched each other already. The only level that remains after that is to have sex, which is basically about doing all of that, intensely, at the same time — and all kisses after the first one are intended to make women horny and prepared for sex. Although you should of course enjoy them as well.

The traditional time to kiss a woman is at the end of a date, but if you feel like doing it sooner, please do. If you are having a very good time you should make the best of it and kiss her in the beginning or middle of the date rather than cutting yourself short by waiting until the last minute of it, as something unexpected could occur, and you could miss the opportunity altogether. Having it done sooner than before you part ways at the end of the date also makes it easier to not part ways and instead go home together or stay the night if you are already at home.

And if there is an obvious opportunity for you to kiss a woman at any moment, but you do not, she will be disappointed and wonder what you really want from her.

Becoming a good kisser is paramount to being successful with women, but it takes practice and the understanding that kissing includes more than merely two mouths meeting; it involves nibbling, biting, sucking on both the upper and lower lips, and swirling tongues that explore each other, for example, although none of that is necessary for the first kiss.

If you have kissed women before, you already know what to do, but if you have not, it is pretty straightforward and only takes a couple of tries to learn. Stop talking, moisten your lips without making them wet, tell her to stop talking too if necessary, smile and look deep into her eyes, get close to her, put an arm around her waist or cup her face, and kiss her mouth. Or, if you are about to say goodbye, lean in and hug her, and as both of you lean back, keep your arms around her, look her in her eyes for a few seconds, look at her lips, and lean in once again but this time toward her face instead of her ear and kiss her. Or just kiss her in the way you feel most comfortable, as long as it is still a real kiss and not just a little peck, as long as you close your eyes right before your lips meet, as long as you grab and hold her somewhere with your hands, and as long as you keep your tongue away the first time.

Save the tongue for later, unless she uses hers.

Once you are kissing her, keep going until she pulls back — to enjoy yourself, to let her know that you enjoy kissing her, and to start making her horny early on.

If she turns her head away when you come closer to kiss her, just kiss her on the cheek or turn her face back toward you while still smiling as if nothing special happened. An experienced man would make no big deal about it, continue smiling and talking, knowing that he can still get her later. Although this reaction is not ideal, a male will be better off than before he tried to kiss her, because by trying to kiss her she will think higher of him, as he dared to go in for a kiss, which she probably did not expect. He just showed her he indeed has some balls, and that is what she likes.

A woman might even like you but still turn her head away because she is shy, she thinks you are moving too fast, she is afraid that people are watching, or because the moment is not romantic enough. You never know.

Whatever you do, though, do not excuse or apologize for your behavior or try to joke away what just happened. Rest assured that you made the right move and get back to talking to her. You will just have to try kissing her again sometime later when you see or create a new opportunity.

After you have gone in for the kiss, keep touching her, and let your hand stay on her body, regardless of how the kiss itself goes.

Once you have kissed her and she reciprocates during the kiss, you pretty much have her, assuming that both of you were sober (one more reason why it is a good idea not to drink). Depending on where you are, you can call it a night and meet her on a new date some other day, keep on making out with her if you like, or lead her to a more isolated location where you can have sex with her right away. The next step is to have sex with her; it is only a matter of when and where. You can either keep going or postpone sex for another day. By now you know my views on postponing things when you have the chance to keep going, but I am sure you also want to seize the moment instead of risk losing the opportunity by waiting, and hopefully you understand that the woman want it too.

If the woman kisses you back and you start to make out or you kiss several times during the date, you should always keep advancing and attempt to have sex with her, as it is very likely that she has or will become horny enough. You should assume that she is both horny and sexually deprived but cannot admit it, and then test that hypothesis.

Chapter Seventeen

THE SEX

While the traditional view of a man who is good with women will always be that he is only out for the sex and does not care about women or relationships with women (as if having sex is not caring, and as if relationships with women do not include sex), these assumptions do not reflect reality. In fact, not only is sex a compassionate way to care for a woman, and all relationships that are more than friendly involve it, but plenty of men also actually like things such as making out, cuddling, and having long talks through the night with women as much or even more than banging them against the wall, and when they are not having sex with women they still have a great time with them.

Few males really want to have sex with new women every single weekend, although many males definitely believe that is what they want before they are able to accomplish it. Once they learn how, though, they find out their beliefs did not come from themselves. Once again, it is another idea from traditional socialization, as males are “supposed” to be obsessed about sex and conquests.

Another common misconception is that you either have a relationship with women or you have sex with them, while the real choice is actually between having some kind of sexual relationship and having friendship, which is why sex is not such a big deal and yet crucial at the same time if you are not looking for friendship. Having sex is a natural step in cementing the relationship as one that includes it and something you inevitably must get past even when you want more than just the act itself. It is the final step of the seduction process.

After you have kissed a woman for the first time and it went well — you could tell she appreciated or even reciprocated the kiss — it is all about making her as horny as possible, isolating her, and finally getting her penetrable, but not necessarily naked. Up until this point, you should have mainly been focusing on making her feel comfortable, but now you have to make her horny as well, as that will put her into a state where her emotions will override her reason: Her natural desires will overpower her social pressures. That matters, as a female is not going to make the decision to have sex with a male based on thinking, because in the heat of the moment, her emotions run the show. She will not think about it, she will feel about it. If you can make her feel the right things for the moment, she will be yours for the night. The more time you let her think about it, however, the higher the risk that she will be worried about being a slut because of her socialization.

This is why some resistance or hesitation on the woman’s part is both normal and expected. Obviously, struggling is neither okay nor normal, but second thoughts on her part might be. The fact that she is married, engaged, or has a boyfriend might all of a sudden surface, or she will realize that she is about to do something that is considered “naughty” or that she is about to have sex with someone she just met and whose name she cannot remember. That is even how mature and experienced women may react, but if she is shy or inexperienced, then it is even more likely.

You have to deal with this kind of resistance at the last minute the same way you deal with all kinds of resistance. You have to look at it as a sign that you should make a woman feel more comfortable, and in this case even hornier, rather than giving up right away and without coming off as desperate to have sex or eager to get it over with.

First, you have to isolate her in a place where you can have sex with her, preferably somewhere comfortable, but not necessarily so. The copy room, the backseat of a car, or a stairwell could work, as long as it is out of sight, but a coach or bed is perhaps the most common destination. Second, you have to increase the physical contact, to touch her more in sexual places, and to keep on kissing her wherever she responds the best. Third, you have to undress her enough to be penetrated, but not necessarily get her naked.

If she says, “I need to go home,” “we shouldn’t be doing this,” or “I don’t want to be easy,” without actually trying to get up and walk away at the same time, acknowledge what she just said by telling her you understand, give her a compliment, but then keep kissing her for a few minutes before trying again. Four out of five times, she has only had an urge to let you know that she is indeed a “good girl” and wants to shift the responsibility to you, as she felt it was on her, before she allows herself to indulge in what she really wants. Patience pays off in this case, and after a few more minutes, you should have no problem laying her down comfortably or bending her over a table and undressing her enough to be able to penetrate her. This could mean as little as lifting up her skirt and pulling her panties down to her knees, or even only pulling them to the side. You definitely do not need to be completely naked to have sex, at least not to get started.

When a woman has become horny enough, she will stop objecting, or she will keep saying one thing while at the same time doing the opposite, like lifting her butt up so that you can take off her panties while telling you not to. This can be very confusing and even scary for an inexperienced male who is unsure what to believe or how to react. It is not as simple as “no means no” when you are dealing with women who are under a lot of social pressure or who enjoy being submissive. You have to use your brain and pay attention to what she is doing to figure out what she really wants, while obviously not raping her. No force should ever be necessary to overcome a woman’s objections, but as long as she always has an easy way out that she is not using while still reciprocating your kisses, or even takes the initiative, you can assume she is willing to keep going.

That is how you transition to sex as early as on the first date, because you intentionally try to make women horny early on and just keep going as far as you can rather than having platonic dates among friends for weeks before even trying.

All women are willing to have sex on the first date, even the very same day they meet a man, as long as that man does the right things. However, not all women will admit it, and some will not even know it. Regardless of what your thoughts may be about that, your success will still be the best if you treat all women as if they are sluts without making them feel like it. You have nothing to lose by trying, but a lot to lose by not trying.

A woman who has sex with a man despite her outspoken formal rules will simply manufacture an explanation to justify her behavior. She will rationalize and make up excuses for why she ended up in bed with a man despite having a boyfriend, despite this being a first date, and despite her plans to save herself until she was married. She has been making up excuses all her life and is good enough at it to do it even under these circumstances.

However, if you are unable to make her feel comfortable and horny enough or if she is having her period, she might get up and leave even if you are persistent. If she takes that kind of initiative, then just let her go, and pick up where you left off the next time you meet her. Date another woman in the meantime, if you feel like it. But if she left because you could have made her feel better, you should think it over and improve yourself for the next time.

Fantasy

There are several ways to make a woman horny, and it can be done either gradually or quickly. For example, if you are having a dinner date in your home, you can slowly butter her up with candlelight, romantic music, and a lot of foreplay for hours. Or you can gently grab her as soon as the two of you close the door to your apartment, push her against the wall, and start making out with her — with her ponytail in a tight grip in one of your hands while the other rubs her pussy outside her clothes — lead her into the kitchen, bend her forward by the waist over a table, and take her from behind even before dinner. The difference in pace depends on your level of skill, how good you have made her feel already, and how creative or perverted you are, but mostly how courageous you are to simply dare trying.

You could stop talking entirely, or keep the compliments coming by telling her how lovely she looks, how great her body feels, and how much you want to be inside her. You can even be more explicit than that. Most women will be very turned on if you are verbally direct at this stage too, like if you look them straight in their eyes and confidently tell them how sexy they are, how horny they make you feel, and how you intend to fuck them thoroughly.

However, if you have not had sex with her yet and if you have been advancing quickly, you have to be careful with how you deliver such statements. If you tell her that you want to have sex with her instead of just proceeding to make out with her, make her horny, and undress her, she might interpret it as you are asking her permission. This shifts the responsibility back to her, which will cause her to have second thoughts.

Regardless of what you tell her, keep going.

Pay attention to which areas on her body are the most sensitive, the spots that make her gasp, moan, curl, roll her eyes, and shiver the most, and focus on kissing and caressing them. Rubbing her pussy while she is still wearing her skirt or pants while kissing her mouth is often enough to make a woman really wet. Kissing in particular tends to make women horny, and many of them get very turned on if you manhandle them at the same time, as your physical passion makes them feel irresistibly attractive. This is why so many women enjoy when a man pulls their hair, holds both of their hands behind their back, handcuffs or ties them to the bed, spanks their butt decisively a few times, or even chokes them when they have or are about to have sex. It certainly does not look romantic on paper, and it is nothing that women speak openly about at the family dinner table or talk about on TV, but it is one of those things that they naturally respond to well, something every man who has been with a few women and tried has noticed.

In general, a woman who likes a man does not mind that he does whatever he wants with her, quite the contrary, which is why some of them actually say “Do whatever you want with me!”

If you have had sex before, you already know how it goes, but even if you have never had sex, I am sure that you have watched enough porn to get the idea, and that is enough to get started and find your way around a woman’s body. But keep in mind that what an inexperienced male believes women want in bed is probably what he has been socialized to believe and is actually quite far from what an experienced man would tell him women like. Porn is not the best of references, but at least it is better than the soft, sweet, gentle lovemaking you commonly see in romantic movies.

Some females claim that sex in real life is nothing like the sex in adult movies. I have always wondered what kind of movies these females have been watching or how boring they must be in bed. Do not pay any attention to such females, and certainly do not date them, but do keep in mind that most porn is only good as a source of inspiration, not as an exact reference, and nothing complicated should be tried until you master the basics.

You need to keep in mind a few things, though, regardless of your sexual experience in the past. To stay attractive to a woman, you cannot be self-conscious or embarrassed to get naked in front of her. That would not be confident. However, understand that she may be worried about how she looks without her clothes on. Turning down the lights usually helps make her more comfortable in this regard, although it is probably not what you would prefer. Even a shy woman will allow the lights to be on for you if she is very submissive, especially if you are smart about it and explain that you want to see her sexy naked body because she looks so good, but you should not press for it if you notice that it bothers her. Sex in the dark is still better than no sex at all, and if you go to bed when it is dark outside, you will be able to enjoy looking at her as the sun rises in the morning.

Another thing that they do not teach you in sex education class is that, whenever you do have sex with a woman, always make sure that you end up pleased. If you do not come at all, or if you make her come without getting off yourself, she will wonder what is wrong with you. Your pleasure comes first, because you are dominant. This is very counterintuitive, as it may seem like a good idea to care only about the woman in bed for her to want to have sex with you again. In reality, giving a woman an orgasm is not necessary for her to want to have sex with you again, as women are actually able to enjoy sex without reaching climax. On a biological level, it has always been necessary for males to come to reproduce, but never for females, so we are hardwired differently.

Although it is great to be able to give women orgasms and a good way to keep many women coming back for more for a long time, it is not necessary as long as you have the stamina to keep going for more than 20 minutes so that she has time to enjoy it too, and it is nothing you need to think about before you have solved your problems of getting girls in the first place.

If you have not had a lot of sex yet, it is easy to forget that women want sex too. It is not a favor that they do you, and you owe them nothing if they please you. Never thank a woman during or after sex, and do not be afraid to use her once she is naked in front of you. Women do not enjoy being abused, but they do enjoy being used, which is why some women will even explicitly tell you to once you are alone and naked together, while the rest only wish for it silently.

Using her includes confidently telling her what it is that you want her to do, what position to take, and what you want to do with her. You will be amazed what you can experience as long as you let women know what you want, unlike when you only wish for things to magically happen. Plenty of males who do have sex are still not living their sexual fantasies with their girlfriends because they are too timid or outright afraid of her reaction to their fantasies. Some males even marry females who refuse to fulfill any of their sexual fantasies, which is not a particularly smart move to make by either party involved.

If you want something, you have to say so. Do not ask her if she wants to do it; be assertive and tell her what you want from her instead. There are things that she would like to do that she might not admit because it would make her feel too “naughty” unless you relieve her of the responsibility. If she does not want to do it, she will simply refuse, and you will have to find someone else who is up for it. If it is something significant to you, you should break up with her instead of waste your time. Take the opportunity at hand to see if she wants to have a threesome with another woman, if you want that too. If you want to have sex with two women at the same time, you should just tell your girlfriend, but at least make it a habit to propose a threesome with her and one of her sexy friends if you are going to break up with her anyway. You either get what you want, and your dull girlfriend leaves you, or you get what you want, and her sexy friend joins you. It is a win-win situation.

Have as much fun as you can together, but make sure to practice safe sex. The better you become and the more women you get into bed at a faster pace, the more at risk you will be for catching a sexually transmitted disease or making a woman pregnant. Not only do the women expect you to take the responsibility for all precautions, but so do all the laws that are on females’ side in case they do end up pregnant. Always keep condoms in your pockets, wallet, and by the side of your bed. You do not want to stop in the heat of the moment and ruin the confident flow by not being prepared, and you do not want to have unprotected sex with a woman you just met.

Although you should always attempt to get women into bed on the first date, it is not a big deal if you date them once or twice more until you do. However, you should definitely not date women for weeks or months without having sex with them unless you are looking for friendship. If you have not gotten a woman into your bed in a couple of days, then you need to shape up.

This book is about seduction, and a sexual relationship is the end goal of it, so I will not go into much further detail, but I will give you some pointers to keep in mind to stay congruent.

Chapter Eighteen

THE RELATIONSHIP

After you have had sex with a woman, it is up to you to decide what kind of relationship you want with her. If you never contact her again, your relationship was a one-night stand. If you keep in touch but do not have sex again, you have a friend. If you keep in touch but mostly meet to have sex, you have a “friend with benefits.” If you spend more time with her and get to know her well, including in the bedroom, you have a girlfriend. If you spend even more time and share your most intimate feelings, move in together, share the same bed, and get married, you have yourself a wife. You decide what you want, though, and it is a decision that you make after you have had sex the first time. Before the invention of contraception, it might have made some sense for a couple to commit to each other before they had sex, but not anymore.

There are no rules you need to follow or actions you need to take prior to the sex to somehow steer toward a particular type of relationship. People who do not know what they are talking about believe you need to date longer to get to know each other deeply first if you want what they call a “more serious” relationship for instance, but that is simply not the case. If you want a long-term relationship, you can and should decide it after having had sex, without rushing into it. There is nothing wrong with wanting a long-term relationship with one woman, but a man would not commit to one woman quickly, only a desperate male would, as such a hasty decision signals that the male needs her not only wants her.

This approach is also a lot easier than changing your manners all the time, and it assures that you will not end up in a long-term relationship with a female who is no fun in bed or unattractive naked. This is a horrible situation that some males inevitably find themselves in when they foolishly agree to marry a female before having sex with her.

Monogamy

Monogamous relationships between males and females have been advocated by societies since the dawn of civilization, with threats of death as punishment in ancient religions for those who rejected the idea and promises of tax incentives by our modern governments for those who do accept it — not because monogamous relationships are necessarily a good thing for individuals and certainly not because they are natural. There are no wedding rings, white dresses, and chapels growing by themselves deep in the forest. Those are all manmade. But it is an integral part of our traditional socialization, because it serves society as a whole if couples stick together and raise their children. If the few alpha males who would naturally hoard many women are limited to having only one female, all the other males are less sexually deprived and therefore more socially stable, and if all the females who are capable of multiple orgasms seek to be pleasured by only one male instead of a group during sequential intercourse, a male is more likely to take care of his offspring because he can trust that it is his.

Nevertheless, few men like sharing their women, and many do not mind having one woman at a time if she happens to be great — not only drop-dead gorgeous, but also lovely to talk to and spend time with, both in and outside the bedroom. But most males are in long-term monogamous relationships because they have managed merely to find a female, not because they have found the female.

It is awesome if you meet a wonderful woman you do want to spend the rest of your life with, but if you have not been with that many women, if you do not really have any options, can you really know what female will be good for you for a lifetime?

I seriously doubt it.

The sad reality is this: Many males marry out of desperation. They feel they have to marry to keep the female because they are afraid to lose her, and they believe marriage is the best way to make a female stay and be faithful. That is a very bad reason to get married because females do not work that way, and the marriage is doomed to fail for the male who thinks in such terms.

If you are going to get married, you might as well take it seriously and do it because you are deeply in love, want to spend the rest of your lives together, and the taxes and legislation are beneficial enough to bother with the paperwork. Do not do it just because you believe it will guarantee that your woman will be faithful. Perhaps you do sleep better at night knowing that your woman has your ring on her finger, but it will not keep her from sleeping around if she meets men who are better than you. And she will be unfaithful if you are that desperate.

The only way to make sure your woman is loyal and faithful to you is to be a good man; to know what she wants and how to give it to her — so that she is genuinely satisfied and just loves to be with you because of how wonderful you make her feel on a daily basis. The most important thing a man needs to spend to make that happen is time, and he needs to spend that time with his woman, not spend money on a ring. However, there are a few practical things to keep in mind.

First, never stop flirting with her. Too many males stop flirting once they have a female, and that is the first day of a downward slope. Do not fall back into your old unattractive routine just after you start having success with women. No male likes when his female stops taking care of her appearance either. Your woman will most likely lose interest in you, just as you would if one day her beauty was gone. Do not be afraid to be considerate every once in a while, even slightly romantic, to show her that she really is special to you and that you really do care for her. Leave her a cute message or even a bouquet of flowers when she least expects it. It will have a much greater impact on her emotions than if you wait until Valentine’s Day. Moderate romantic gestures can be effective, but only when they come from a position of charm instead of a position of inadequacy. However, save your romantic ideas for after you have had sex with the woman you are in love with, and then cut them in half, twice, so you do not appear to be compensating for something. It will be clear that you do not expect anything in return, and this is what separates “great guys” from “nice guys.”

Second, do not allow her to change you. If she did not really like you as you were, she would not be with you, regardless of what she says. Look more at what she is doing than what she is saying. Whatever issue that bothers her cannot be that significant, since she is together with you after all. Women do not even talk to males they are uninterested in, and they certainly do not sleep with them. In addition, if you leave some unimportant flaw for her to get worked up over occasionally — like whenever she is in the mood for finding fault — you will be better off than if she starts looking for something less obvious and more significant anyway. However, the better you are as a man, the less effort a woman will put into trying to change you, except if you are very passionate about something, a hobby for instance, then she may attempt to get you to replace that thing with her if you show that you are able to care for something else more than you care for her.

Third, do not change yourself. If you were a cool guy in the club that she made out with or even followed home, that is what she wants. Be careful not to get swept away by the good emotions of a new relationship. Enjoying those emotions is fine, but if you get swept away by them, there is a risk that your behavior will change for the worse. You might for instance feel an urge to become very romantic, but many of the romantic gestures you have seen work so well in movies will instead have the opposite effect in reality. For example, if you bring your guitar over to play her a song, write her a poem, give her a teddy bear, or buy her flowers before (or immediately after) you have had sex, it will seem that you are expecting something you are already not getting in return, or you will seem to be thanking her.

However, if you rarely have any romantic ideas, be even more wary if you feel the urge suddenly to become very romantic once you find a girl you really like. The ironic but tragic reality is that you might want to do these things to keep those women you like the most because you were socialized that way by watching too many romantic movies. Once you have gotten good at meeting women and learned what you really want and then find it in someone special, the socialized fool in you will emerge, and you will become a lot more romantic, only to find that these women are the ones that you lose the fastest. If you change your behavior drastically for them, they lose the attraction as it was another behavior they were attracted to initially. In the same way, if you met a woman because you were attracted enough to approach her, her best strategy to keep you is also to stay the same. The biggest difference is that she has little control over some parts of her body, such as the pace at which she ages, but you have lots of control over your behavior and can really ruin things in a matter of moments.

Fourth, if you spend a lot of time with a woman, it is natural to eventually start introducing her to your friends, and this could potentially be a problem you have to be aware of. You might want to keep her separated from the males in your social circle who are ladies’ men — if you happen to associate with any — not because they could steal your woman from you, but because their behavior will influence her opinion of you. Many females believe that the type of friends a male has is a reflection of who he is. Thus, regardless of whether your friends have sworn secrecy about your weekend adventures and additional girlfriends, and even if there are no secrets in need of being kept, they may still have a negative influence on your woman if she hears them brag about their “conquests” and how they go out to meet new women every weekend. You could get yourself into trouble even when you do not deserve it. The same goes for any unattractive dorks that you might be hanging out with. Consider keeping them away from your girlfriend, or you run the risk of having her think that you really are more like them, which is a shame if you no longer are.

Fifth, if you ever do cheat with another woman and get caught and regret it (regret either cheating or getting caught) your best defense is to explain that you only did it for the sex, not because you really care for the other woman. Females have an easier time forgiving a male as long as he treats her like she is special, which is also why some of them feel even more fond of their man if he does cheat on them, while they obviously do not think so or consciously understand why they feel it.

Sixth, if you are still keeping in touch with ex-girlfriends, even though only as friends, it is much better to put your cards on the table and be up front about it rather than try to keep it secret. It will diffuse a situation that could otherwise ruin the trust that you have established with your current girlfriend if she finds out on her own, as she will wonder why you kept it a secret if it was no big deal.

Seventh, if you date multiple women without them knowing about it, refer to them by the same nickname, such as “baby,” to avoid accidently mixing their names up.

Finally, try to appreciate women’s feminine communication style rather than let it get on your nerves. While women inarguably take less responsibility in the form of initiatives during dating, once the sexual relationship has officially been formed, they might change completely, to the extreme extent of bombarding you with text messages and phone calls. They do this because they are thinking of you, which is flattering. So you should interpret it as such rather than get annoyed by it. Females do not call their males every day at work and ask them what they are doing because they do not understand that their partners are working yet another day. Read between the lines and appreciate that she is showing that she cares about you in her feminine manner, while keeping in mind she may not be aware of her potentially annoying behavior.

At the end of the day, however, remember that knowing how to have good sex and good relationships with women is nothing a male needs to think much about unless he already has a woman he wants to keep. There is no need to know much about it before you start attempting to seduce the women you want, so before you actually get the girls, focus on seduction and look forward to the day when all your problems are only about sex and relationships.

Several interesting things tend to happen when a male learns to meet the women he wants; in particular, the type of relationship that he is interested in often changes. One-night stands often become less and less interesting. As his standards of women go up, he will wake up next to women who still look beautiful in the morning and with whom he actually does not mind spending another day. He will notice that his women treat him better, as they will know for sure that he can find a new woman to replace them just as easily as he met them, if he decides to do so. This in turn will make them even happier to be with him when he does not.

Most other males who do find themselves in long-term relationships might find that their females slowly become less attractive over time — they stop taking care of themselves, gain weight, dress less sexy, and start making more demands and conditions in return for their affection or sex. Those females only do so because they believe they will get away with not making much of an effort any longer and because they really do not respect or appreciate their male that much. The more of a man you are, however, the less risk there is that this will happen.

This is when the real fun begins, not when it ends, which is why I intentionally called this chapter The Relationship instead of The End, although it is The End of the seduction process and therefore this book — almost.

EPILOGUE

We are all raised in similar ways, to believe similar ideas, and to behave in similar fashion for the greater good of society. Males grow up in a world where achievements, careers, and the pursuit of wealth and status are held to be very important, even unavoidable, if they want women — something all males do. Without even noticing, it is easy to get stuck spending most if not all of their lives working hard pursuing goals that in the light of better judgment actually do not matter that much.

Socialization seduces them.

In the beginning of this book, I mentioned that my intention was to present an entirely new way of looking at the world, a new paradigm. If you have read everything so far without skipping pages or misunderstanding me, I hope what I meant has now become clear, or at least less vague. By now you have seen that there is a rather drastically different way to look at, meet, and talk to women, a way that is more natural and more direct, and any male who decides to embrace it is bound to have his entire life change for the better, even if it has been quite good so far. He might even experience things that seem unreal.

He may experience things that might appear too good to be true, things that never happen to ordinary males. For example, women he only used to dream about will follow him home the first night he meets them — even though he knows they have a boyfriend who is stronger, more successful, and better looking than he is.

At first, he might actually not believe what is happening, but that is perfectly fine as long as he does not let it show — as long as he just plays it cool and keeps his doubt inside himself until his mind catches up with reality. When things are done right, everything can fall into place very quickly, much sooner than one had ever imagined, and after a while, this quick pace and seemingly easy success with women will not seem unreal, but natural, because it is, while it will still seem astonishing to people who know no better — pretty much everyone else, that is.

As a male’s eyes open up to the enormous and endless opportunities of meeting lovely ladies and gorgeous girls every single day no matter where he is, his life might change dramatically on all levels. He will probably come to the same conclusion as all other men who understand that they can get girls without working as a bartender, doing magic tricks, or making up stories; it is just not fulfilling or worth your time to do anything but pursue women directly. Acquiring that new home theatre system is no longer a high priority, and spending every evening in the gym or at work is just not that interesting when you are able to go out and meet the women you want, just like that. Even going out to bars might all of a sudden be less tempting when you know you can approach women everywhere.

The difference between what a male really needs and what he merely wants will suddenly become clear. This is a distinction that is very difficult to make when he is not having the level of success he wants with women. His interests in all areas of life might change, but perhaps the most noticeable changes will be in his career and social circle.

As a male’s imaginary need for money and status is reduced, his career motivation may go down. If he has chosen a job because it is more lucrative than fulfilling, he might take it less seriously, or rather more realistically, or even change careers entirely. He may even get fired for getting caught in the copy room having sex with that dazzling secretary he has always wanted. When he realizes that those he spends most of his time with do nothing but drag him down, when he understands he will never get his female friends into bed, when he notices how much time his male friends waste doing ridiculous and unnecessary things trying to get girls, and when he knows he no longer needs any of them to meet women through introductions or by coincidence at their parties, or to distract the attractive female’s friends, he might simply find new friends.

When all these changes occur at the same time, including having better relationships with women who treat him better as they appreciate him, a significant amount of pressure will be removed from all facets of a male’s life, and he will simply be a much happier and carefree person.

If that were not enough good news, there is more. Such a man will also stay happy and carefree, as there is no risk that he will lose his ability to seduce women once he has attained it, since his ability is based entirely on a natural mindset and natural manners and there are no tricks or gimmicks involved. It is not as if he could get caught doing something immoral or deceiving, because all that he is doing is being confident, charming, and responsible while truly being himself. He is being a man that women want.

All the males who feel inadequate for or intimidated by women and rely on excuses to meet them will always have to worry about their tricks being figured out or even exposed in the mainstream media. One year they will be doing magic tricks, reading palms, or delivering whatever the latest pickup line they heard was funny and effective, and it will vary with the season. They will endlessly be chasing the next thing as more and more males are doing and saying the exact same thing like parrots, while being a charming and responsible man will never go out of style and it is not an approach that can be exposed or ridiculed in the first place, although I am sure some will try.

There are seemingly no limits to how far some people will go to enforce the traditional socialization, consciously or not, but its inherent flaws luckily become apparent when they do go too far. It is not that it is unlikely someone will try to attack men who are confident, charming, and responsible, as one’s socialization can make people commit even more foolish acts than that to preserve the status quo, but it would luckily not work very well and only expose the flaws of logic that our traditional socialization includes.

The old cliché “just be yourself” is actually rather good dating advice when it is interpreted to mean that you should relax and let go of the social inhibitions that are holding you back. However, it is hard to be yourself when you have forgotten what that is like, since the last time that you were entirely free from bad social conditioning, you were too young to remember, and it will be even harder if you believe that social inhibitions are actually a good thing for you.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Losing your social inhibitions does not mean you will all of a sudden go berserk and start doing crazy things against your will; it is the other way around. When you are uninhibited, you are in true control of yourself, but when you are inhibited, you are not. While this does not mean you will automatically go wild, it does mean that if you really want to do something wild, there will no longer be an invisible barrier blocking you inside your mind. You will no longer be struggling with yourself like a lunatic. You will have full control of yourself for a change; you will be less affected by whatever your upbringing has forced onto you. And when the crowd starts going wild, you have the ability to step aside without mindlessly following along, unlike a member of the crowd.

A male who decides to make the changes necessary to improve his life with women should be aware of what to expect from his peers, as they are conditioned to react in a rather predictable way when someone else stops following the crowd. For instance, you will never get any credit from other males who are still stuck in the traditional mindset. When you stop acting as though you are inadequate for or intimidated by women and your friends notice all the women who start coming into your life, their initial reaction will be to explain your newfound success in a way that makes sense in the traditional mindset.

They will rationalize — a lot.

This is quite normal, as people rationalize the most when their world view, their mindset, is challenged — when you discuss an opposing belief or a behavior that contradicts their prevailing beliefs.

They will look at you for anything that is out of the ordinary to find an excuse that “explains” your success in a way they can understand. If your nationality or background is the only difference they can see, they will settle on that. Otherwise, they will simply resort to calling you “lucky.” That usually does the trick for them, and they can then happily go on with their lives without having to challenge everything they believe in and often have built their lives on and around. Instead of accepting, or at least considering, that their own beliefs might be wrong, they will try to fit the unexpected into their world by finding a, to them, plausible explanation.

Because of this, you may have a hard time relating to others, including your friends, when they keep talking about things you now know are nonsense. You may even find it challenging to relate to your oldest and best male friends with whom you may have bonded for years by looking at and discussing women. Even though their mindset has not given them success with women, some males would rather keep it to avoid an identity crisis.

If you do try to discuss these new beliefs with them, many whose minds are closed to new ideas will fight hard to keep themselves convinced and even try to change your mind back as well.

This can be very annoying while you are still looking for other people’s approval, but in the end, it is their problem. Just be careful that you do not let them bring you down back into their hole, and be aware that they will fight hard to do so. They love company down there as it makes them look less bad (as people without confidence and self-esteem constantly compare themselves to others); it is not obvious what they are missing, and it distracts them from doing something about their own misery, which they may have been unaware of until you showed up with these “crazy new ideas.”

These crazy new ideas will always be easy to brush off instantaneously for someone who has been raised to think otherwise, which is practically everyone on earth. It will always be hard for people to allow their entire world view to come crashing down before their eyes and rethink their very way of living. Their narrow-minded and delusional ideas may start to wear you down if you are not mentally tough, or you will feel exhausted by listening to their imaginary problems, their hallucinated explanations, and all their excuses.

If they are good friends that you would like to keep, feel free to recommend this book to them; otherwise, consider finding new friends.

Although a great number of generalizations are made throughout this book, and there are always exceptions to every rule, it is vital to remember that those who are the exceptions will obviously be the ones who stand out; the ones who scream the loudest and want to argue the most. But when they do, you have to remember that they are still exceptions, so it is important to take a step back and look at the big picture and not get distracted by them. When you do this, you will notice that the more attractive a female is, for instance, the more these generalizations ring true about what women want.

By no coincidence is it always unattractive females who disagree the most and want to argue these ideas if you are foolish enough to bring them up. They are not the “women” this book is about, and you should not be wasting your time with them, as they will work very hard to make any male feel bad for being interested in a female because of her beauty, for instance, if they have none themselves.

Although my intent has been to cover everything a male needs to know to become a man, leaving males to simply start taking action, they will also be better at judging what else will work well and why if they decide to look for even more advice. They will be in a much better position to recognize the few men and women who really know what they are talking about from the many males and females who do not.

That is priceless knowledge by itself, because you will inevitably feel a lot of social pressure from your peers who do not know what you now know. It is for this reason that I have set up an online forum to help cope with the social repercussions and to easily find new friends among like-minded individuals from all over the world. This forum will also allow you to discuss the changes in perception and experience of the world that is common for someone who changes their mindset. Life may feel like it has slowed down, inner peace abounds as your internal voice becomes quiet, your vision appears to expand, and it may feel as if you have woken up from an eternal sleep — a state of mind completely incomprehensible for anyone who has not experienced a drastic change of limiting beliefs.

However, the forum is not intended for anyone to waste even more time on the Internet. Spending more time online is the last thing a male needs if he is not getting girls.

Any male who thinks his situation is unique and wants advice tailored specifically to his current life situation and his own experiences can even give me a call for some personal consultation, but it should not be necessary, and I encourage you to try solving your problems on your own first. I hope to have given all males enough pointers to figure out the remaining answers to questions they might have, and true confidence involves being able to go ahead and take action even if you are not completely sure of yourself.

Finally, if you did enjoy reading this and want to improve your life, do yourself a favor and set yourself a reminder to read this book again in two months’ time. It will not cost you extra and you will be surprised to discover a new layer of meaning you overlooked and were unable to comprehend the previous time you read it, no matter how careful you were, as some ideas require time to sink in.

As this book is coming to its end, one might think it would be appropriate for me to wish all the males reading it the best of luck with getting the women they really want, but I will not do that because as a man you will no longer need luck. Real men create their own destiny and sweep the women they want off their feet. The only luck involved is for the women when they meet one of us, so it is to them that I wish good luck in finding a man. For every male who reads and applies this knowledge, there will be one more of such men in the world.

Good luck, ladies!

www.W-Anton.com